Husband isnt dom but Im a sub

[SIMI]

I know I'm a sub but my husband isn't interested in being dom. He really isn't interested in sex with me at all. I'm kinda stuck I think. Has anyone else ever been stuck this way?

[Jim]

Same but revese , if you get my drift.

[SIMI]

I get it and its painful

[skittish doe]

You are far from alone. I wish that helped more, but realize it doesn’t do much.

I would suggest reading and attempting to self-discover your specific interests as a start to your exploration. The Forums here are a wealth of information – be sure to dig through old threads too. There are a lot of nice folks in the chatroom if you wish to chat. The Story (Story Archive) section here is another vast source of entertainment – err, I mean enlightenment. Make a mental note of what excites you, what attracts you, and also of what turns you away. By shifting through your mind this way, you begin to explore what it is that you – personally – are interested in. Every one of us is different. I hope this helps you. Enjoy your journey and welcome to the Library.

[SIMI]

Thanks...I am starting to realize what I like and dont like. I wont be in any position to act on what I need anyways so it will always just be fantasy.

[scarlet_85]

I have been there before... the lack of sexual interest he had in me, along with about 5 other things, ultimately played into our separation. My relationship was empty and meaningless. I am now able to explore my submissive side in depth and it is the most amazing thing I have found out about myself

[SIMI]

It is not just a lack of sexual interest but lack of interest in me at all. Its like I dont even exist. I cant believe there is someone else that felt this way thanks for letting me know Im not alone.

[leanne1]

I have been there before... the lack of sexual interest he had in me, along with about 5 other things, ultimately played into our separation. My relationship was empty and meaningless. I am now able to explore my submissive side in depth and it is the most amazing thing I have found out about myself

Exact same for me. Though mine also couldn't handle what I wanted to he slept with some vanilla whores. Oh well.. sex is sooooo much better now!

[Ozme52]

There is something to be said for having open relationships. Have you discussed the possibility?

[SIMI]

Just going to work where men are there also has been a problem so I think open relationship is out. Its like (I dont want you and I dont want anyone else to want you either).

[Ozme52]

Just going to work where men are there also has been a problem so I think open relationship is out. Its like (I dont want you and I dont want anyone else to want you either).

Then why remain? Time to move on imo. (If kids are an issue, take it from one who was once a kid with unhappily married parents, they should have split years earlier and might have met better second partners if they had. Both ended and are ending their years alone.)

[LadyArana]

I don't wish to rain on your parade, SIMI, but if your HUSBAND has no interest in you, and seems to barely recognize that you exist unless you happen to be around other men, it seems to me like you're in a very emotionally abusive relationship. The thing that a lot of people don't seem to realize is that emotional abuse is often MORE scarring than physical abuse. And that's because emotional scars can last forever where as physical ones eventually fade with time (for the most part). In my opinion, your options for this relationship, if you can call it that, are very limited. If you're determined to hold on to the relationship, then I would advise seeking out couple's councelling. Otherwise, as painful as it may be, your best interests may be served by leaving your husband.

[Ozme52]

I don't wish to rain on your parade, SIMI, but if your HUSBAND has no interest in you, and seems to barely recognize that you exist unless you happen to be around other men, it seems to me like you're in a very emotionally abusive relationship. The thing that a lot of people don't seem to realize is that emotional abuse is often MORE scarring than physical abuse. And that's because emotional scars can last forever where as physical ones eventually fade with time (for the most part). In my opinion, your options for this relationship, if you can call it that, are very limited. If you're determined to hold on to the relationship, then I would advise seeking out couple's councelling. Otherwise, as painful as it may be, your best interests may be served by leaving your husband.

I must agree.

[scarlet_85]

I think sex and communication are the 2 key elements to every relationship. Communication obviously topping the chart. If you can communicate that there's a problem, then a solution will be easy to find. And the sex has to be great... at least in my opinion. Good thing I'm satisfied now

[amina70]

Me too agree!! Better u leave the guy....Been there done that...i am slave/sub but husband was not a dom, so i was kinda frustrated of all the time having vanillasex... *sigh*.... He was not a Mastertype at all....And didn't show much interest in it either even he knew how i felt...

[SIMI]

Thanks for all the great advise. Im sure the sex is better because he wont have sex with me. Or talk to me. or act like I exist, and you are right Im still here because of my son.

[marimmm]

This is my first post on this forum, your thread really hit home with me. Almost exact situation. My husband completely lacks a sex drive. I have had to iniate sex for over ten years and its five minutes and done. I am at the point where I want to leave so badly, but we have three children and its impossible. I am basically stuck at my house 24/7. We have one car and he uses it to get to work. Any extra money we have goes to buy guns for himself instead of a car for me. He pretty much knows that I would leave if I had a way, so he makes sure I don't. I have hope that one day this will change. Just know that there are many people out there that are going through the exact same situation.

[SIMI]

I am so sorry marimmm you make me want to cry. I at least have work so I can get away. But if you ever need any help I can get you all the resources to leave if you need to (I know from where I work). I stay on my own because I dont want to ruin my sons life...I feel like it was my choice to marry him and my son shouldnt have to suffer for it. But I will leave when he gets just a little older.

[marimmm]

Thanks SIMI. Please dont feel bad I am waiting on the timing to be right and I will go. He is not mean to me at all, just makes sure I have no money or way to leave. I have a brother and sister who can help me when its time. I dont want to jump out there and end up on public assistance, so I will make sure I have resources and a job set up. Its just going to take time but I have hope that everything will work out in the end.

[SIMI]

Good for u. Just know that there are people there for you...andddddd no money or way to leave is mean!

[amina70]

Thank God i didn't have any kids with the man who was not a Mastertype.....I have kids from previous marriages and the youngest who is 5 yrs lives with me....my Master really likes her. Time will show how it will be to be with him and how it will be for my daughter....Guess He will spare her to see me chained and stuff when she is that small...i am thankful to Him for that.

[denuseri]

Blinks....one would think it would be common sence and basic decency not to expose one's children in any way shape or form to the lifestyle!

[thir]

Blinks....one would think it would be common sence and basic decency not to expose one's children in any way shape or form to the lifestyle!

Indeed.

[scarlet_85]

To add to a little bit of the above....

When I left my ex, I had no job and he was on a huge power trip with finances. My mother continually reassured me that nobody would let me sink. I kept saying that timing had to be just right as well. But as the months passed I just couldn't take it any more. I left and accepted help from my family. My Dom always says: life is too short to be unhappy.

@ denuseri... agreed! Anybody that would remotely expose their children to this lifestyle just blows my mind. My daughter *loves* my Dom/boyfriend. She even said: Mom, its cute that you and him are in love

Happiness is key. I can only hope that you pursue it. Your efforts will not be a lost cause.

[amina70]

my Master said that when she -my daughter- is around(and ev my older kids) i will only be a mom and not like a slave...He said that is between me and Him ONLY.He has kids himself so He knows how it is like.He is a very understanding Master really and i am thankful for that since i am new and have never experienced bdsm in real...This is a new world to me...and He understands that and is very patient..i am thankful that He wants to be my Master and i hope i get the chance to meet Him...

[amina70]

i left the other master i had (from turkey)cause he wanted to expose my daughter to this lifestyle...Collar her and chain her too even she is only 5...Horrible...!!!!But he wasn't a good master,we never saw each other in cam and he was -and is-very cold and never nice.Total opposite of my Master now...The turkish even said he wanted to pierce my daughter's vagina when she is about 10-11 yrs old...And her nipples....Totally crazy.