uncollared

[moonlitsub]

I just need some advice I had been collared in training to a 24/7 live in Mistress who ran a poly house with two other fully collared pets. we where right up to the point where we were talking about when I get my full collar and sleeping in the same bed with Her and Her other male pet. The thing is the other pet I was going to be with wasn't attracted to me and is just now saying this after 9 months of a relationship.

Also the only way She says that She planned to be with me sexually was with him as well. Thus it won't work out because She doesn't feel comfortable being alone with me because of Her personal body image issues.
This being after I took a lesser paying job that I can't support myself on but was allowing me more time to spend with Her.

She is allowing me to stay till I can figure out something and is willing to help me find another Dom/me. I just don't know if that is the right idea. I want to stay and just not have sex, or wait until She is comfortable enough to be alone with me. I just don't know what I should be doing or how I should move forward. Any words of wisdom would be great I've been kind of without any meaning or hope this last week, and feel I just need some outside input.

Thanks

[denuseri]

Sorry to hear things havent worked out.

I shall pray that you find serenity in the coming days and a solution to your delima that is equitable for all conserned.

Comunication is key in any partnership be that a poly one or otherwise.

That being said it is still sad and regretable but also sometimes unavoidable when people change their minds over the course of time.

I hope that you will find what works for you sooner rather than later.

Good luck.

[thepast]

This is when it happens ALL the time. After you have made all the changes, etc, THEN the "other" in the partnership comes forward to gush with their emotions about how it is "just not going to work." Why did the other partner wait so long? Because more than likely, it was just building over time... his jealousy just got worse & worse over time. I don't buy the nonsense that "well, maybe something changed recently." No, no. This was completely about the other partner & his jealousy--he didn't want to share HIS with YOU.

Don't feel that this has ANYTHING to do with you. It doesn't. NOTHING. You could replace yourself with another, and it would be the SAME situation. The fact that the dominant didn't see it... well... I am not sure how far down THAT road I really want to go. But look. It's the dominant's job to care for The Clan. If they can't see that one of their clan has a problem sharing, and has jealousy issues, that's a problem. Jealousy issues don't develop overnight... they are there. If there have been others in the past, this situation has arisen before, likely at the same point in time--when another is about to become a more "permanent" member of the household. The dominant should be well aware of this. And, if so, the dominant is irresponsible for allowing another to come into the clan, knowing that a member of the clan has this response. However, if this is the *very first* time this has ever happened w/this specific member of the clan, I would say either: a.) the member of the clan is new, b.) there may be a trigger, c.) the member of the clan needs to be talked with to see if the situation has changed, and d.) there needs to be immediate release of the conflicting people.

A Dominant has a responsibility if they are going to have a Clan. They need to ensure that everyone in the Clan feels safe & secure. Clearly, that didn't happen in this case. My guess is the other partner (aka green eyed jealously) didn't feel comfortable from the get go, but thought you were eventually going to "go away." When his dominant decided to keep you on permanately, well, THAT wasn't going to work... so he voiced his opinion. And voila. You were kicked to the curb because, well, that's the way it works. The dominant on the other hand, like I have mentioned, should have dealt w/this situation MUCH better & should have seen the signs long ago.

At this point, clearly your options are limited. I would obviously move out ASAP & move on. In the future, if you are going to do a poly relationship, these are things you should be aware of. In general, if you are the newest member of the Clan, you will be subject to the existing relationships in the Clan... so be aware of them. Also, if you are going to try something again like moving in, BEFORE you move in, you should do it on a trial basis: a weekend, then a week, then a month... that way, all these jealousy feelings will arise & either be dealt with or at least be surfaced before such dramatic life-altering changes are made.

...and... when all else fails... be glad you got out of this relationship before you ended up having a stupid argument or a full blown out stressful living situation for the long-term between you & this other jealous guy.

...also... to deal with the living situation till you can move out... just picture this other guy as a Rugrat (you ever watch that show on Nick Toons? lol)... it really helps ;-)

[moonlitsub]

Thanks both of you I have a hard time blaming Her but that's just a personality defect of mine that I always still blame myself. I understand the reasons why he isn't attracted to me one being that he is a furry and She is but in a very limited way, She just is realizing how serious he is about it though. There was also the misunderstanding that it was going to be just Her and I at times but the turned out to be the case.

Also before moving in I had spent my weekends there. I had never had sex though because she wanted to wait until I was fully collared. (this includes any bdsm) I think this is where it finally caved in. As it was Friday and we where supposed to do stuff on Saturday or Sunday. She said directly that it is only the sex that there is a problem. Other then that I'm perfect.