Feminist Submissive

[moonlight_rose]

For the ladies out there: If you consider yourself a feminist**, how do you balance that with your submission? There is obviously subserviency in a BDSM relationship and may even take on traits that an outsider (or certain insiders!) would call condescending to your position as a woman (being called "good girl", etc.).

I'm new to exploring my submissive side but am a strong feminist and have been for years. I'm struggling a bit with what turns me on and makes me happy and the way that seemingly clashes with many of the values I hold dear. I'm curious as to how other submissive feminists are able to balance the two.

**Feminist, from my own definition, means a person (female OR male) who desires and may actively work towards equal rights for the sexes.

[Ozme52]

Obviously (from my participation here) I'm neither female nor a submissive, but have been here long enough to answer. Both my own perception and that of many others who have responded before to this very question.

It all comes down to exactly your definition. Equal rights. You have the right to choose how you live your life. You're choosing to submit. As long as you hold to that, that you are making the choice and not being coerced by anyone, outside of yourself, you can live with both your submission and your feminism.

[denuseri]

Well not being a feminist myself I don't have to confront this issue or try to window dress it into anything to make me feel right about my submission. lol

[Ozme52]

Why would that be window dressing? Especially from someone such as you who firmly believes in her right to make her own "initial" choice.

All too many women, especially in third world countries, have no choices, not even regarding their sexuality... or maybe better put, especially not regarding their sexuality.

[sweetly_wicked]

To me, bdsm really is a come as you are party. If you are female, you don't have to be submissive, just like males don't have to be dominants. Your sexuality depends on you, not your gender. As long as you can look at yourself, and know that you're happy with your life, you can't say that you're going against your feminist ideals.

[denuseri]

Why would that be window dressing? Especially from someone such as you who firmly believes in her right to make her own "initial" choice.

I guess it stems from my curse of being a student of history Oz.

All too many women, especially in third world countries, have no choices, not even regarding their sexuality... or maybe better put, especially not regarding their sexuality.

First of all being a feminist doesn't necessarily equate to having a choice per say and is a spurious correlation to make imho.

We always had choices, "woman's rights" (sometimes legally supported even so far back as the earliest of written histories, and sometimes not since different cultures make those determinations and choices for themselves at different times) was around long before the very modern advent of feminism.

Feminists who have made several contemporary attempts to re-write and re-brand itself and replace it's predecessor (the woman's rights movement~ which was based in the philosophy of Utilitarian ethics and non-gender specific originally) that actually got us those rights here in America just fine without it's involvement and all by the vote of men ironically.

In other words I can't help it, nor do I need to help it, nor will I forget that: the "feminists" were very much against any male dominance or female submission to males bdsm or otherwise and within the bdsm community promoted a very anti-hetero-female dominance only agenda for quite sometime until the shift in modern society towards political correctness...when all but the more militant factions (who still exist btw) decided to change (ie window dress) their movement so they could taste of the previously forbidden fruit and still feel good about their feminism.

[98tiller]

Unless you are adopting this behavior as your 24-7 lifestyle, I would recomend that you see it as a fantasy world seperate from the reality we face everyday. That, to me, is what makes it fun and desireable, is exploring those traits we don't use in our day to day lives. The people who adopt this as a lifestyle have a diffrent point of view, but I see this as an escpe from my day to day life and the BS and stress that goes with it.

[bariel]

I can see why it might seem confusing, with one set of values seemingly contradicting the other and yes there are those that choose to live their lives totally under anothers control as truly subservient, without limits or opinions however I'd say that's the minority of cases. For most d/s couples you can think of it in terms of being the submissive that chooses to submit, the submissive that chooses the boundaries, limits and rules, the submissive who keeps the ultimate veto (her safeword) and therefore the dominant is one who merely facilitates the submissives desire to be controlled whilst giving her the freedom to be herself and talk, laugh, chat, work, dance, sing, enjoy our hobbies, etc, etc.

Sure you will likely be punished and have to do things you may not enjoy so much as a submissive but look deeper into that and you'll find it's only happening because you choose to submit, you chose to allow it on your limits and at the end of the day you can just say no and stop. Everything should be done through careful discussion, open and honest talking and making sure that both dom and sub are happy and getting everything they both need - you can't get more equal than that.

You still have equal rights as a submissive -- bdsm doesn't replace that it just naturally sits alongside our every day values and beliefs as this wonderful, sensual and kinky world of delights :)