Dom?

[Dorkalicious]

I've been having issues lately as far as domination and my boyfriend goes (if you haven't been able to tell already...heh).

He just admitted tonight that he doesn't like to do things like leaving a vibrator in for a long duration while we are going shopping (just an example...) for his sexual gratification. If he does do it, then it is just so that he feels in control for once (Though I'm not sure if "for once" means in our relationship or life in general). And just for the record, this sort of thing doesn't happen very often. He told me that it probably would from now on, but I'm not so sure...

The more I read about BDSM, the more empty I feel because he just doesn't feel into it. It's not his fault, it's just how he is. I am just wondering if any other Dom's are into this sort of lifestyle just to feel in charge, and not because it has a sexual tie to it.

I honestly don't think that many are into it just for that. To me, it seems that the more sexually into it you are, than the more ideas seem to come to you, and the more creative you are overall. By this I mean:

Non-sexual: Tie her up and have sex with her

Sexual: Tie her up, spank her, pull her hair, talk to her, tell her she's a whore/your whore, really tease the hell out of her until she really feels like she is going to explode if she doesn't have an orgasm.

*sigh* Perhaps I just have a very skewed view?

[lily27]

I think what is most important is to talk to each other, and decide what works for both of you. There is no "right way" to "do" BDSM, no matter what you have read. It is individual for everyone.

For some, BDSM is only sexual play. For others it goes much farther. It could be that although your boyfriend doesn't get sexual gratification out of making you walk around with a vibrator in your pussy, he does enjoy the sense of control.... and gets turned on by that instead. If the ends are the same, does it really matter the motivations?

When I started this journey, it really wasn't much more than sexual fantasy. But the more I learned and discovered, the more I realized that the "kinky good time" was just a pleasant side benefit (VERY pleasant). It is the day-to-day aspects of D/s that I really crave. It is the kink that adds to the day-to-day control... and not the other way around.

But that is only how it works for me. Your journey may be entirely different. Don't worry so much about doing things "right" or what others may think of your relationship. Do what feels good for the two of you.

Good luck!

-lily

[Dorkalicious]

Talking to him doesn't really seem to help. A lot of it is the simple fact that he can't (or won't...or hasn't) try. I feel like overall I am just whining, but I need to get it out in the open.

I appreciate your input, and I understand what you mean. Everyone's journey is different. But when I said that he doesn't have any sexual "gratification" from it, I guess I meant that he doesn't get turned on by it. It's not his "thing". Having me walk around with a vibrator in my pussy does nothing for him physically, so I think that's what the problem is.

I like having that sense of someone controlling me completely. When I said that I needed to be controlled completely at least once, his response was "Well, what about the other night? When I tied you up...".... =/ I guess that would have worked for me a year ago, when I was completely new to all of this, but now I just crave more.

I told him tonight that I love just "making love" to him. I really do. There are those times that you just don't want to be whipped, spanked, and have it rough (well...me anyway, "you" is rather presumptuous..heh).

I think the fact that we can't reach the level that I crave is straining our relationship. Though I am inexperienced enough not to be able to tell him exactly what I want, and if I did know....I think that giving him each step would take away from it, sorta...

[lily27]

Well, you definitely aren't in a very easy spot. I imagine you both have some tough decisions to make.

Here is a pretty good article about submissive women who find themselves in vanilla relationships (copy, paste, and remove the spaces):

http://www .submissivewomenspeak. net/ ponypearl.htm

If nothing else, it might spark a good conversation between the two of you.

-lily

[Widget]

I told him tonight that I love just "making love" to him. I really do. There are those times that you just don't want to be whipped, spanked, and have it rough (well...me anyway, "you" is rather presumptuous..heh).

I think the fact that we can't reach the level that I crave is straining our relationship. Though I am inexperienced enough not to be able to tell him exactly what I want, and if I did know....I think that giving him each step would take away from it, sorta...

Well I think you are on the way to knowing what you want you have stated some things here. The thing you need to do is to express it. There were other very good points made in that there is no right or wrong way to have any type of relationship, it is what works for both people. I wonder too you have mentioned that his motivations in the way you play together are very important to you, eg the vibrator in public for you = sexual gratification and for him = control. Why is it so importand that he has the same motives. For him the control may be as important as the sexual part is for you. I would get a charge out of knowing I would be doing something he wanted and that if that is having control over my orgasim in public whatever his motives it would still get me hot. And what if his sexual charge comes from the control . I know I get very hot about having control at times. Perhaps if you and he were able to talk more about that you could both understand each others wants better too. Good Luck

[Dorkalicious]

*long sigh*

It's really not going to be easy. I've known this already, but it's written in stone now.


I tried to break it off tonight, but I just can't do it. I've tried many times, but I just can't do it. This relationship (as any) has many different angles....This aspect isn't the only one for my trying to break it off. I could list them all, but I doubt it would do any good.

I care about him a lot, and I care about what we have. I'm just lost right now I guess...

Edit


Well I think you are on the way to knowing what you want you have stated some things here. The thing you need to do is to express it. There were other very good points made in that there is no right or wrong way to have any type of relationship, it is what works for both people. I wonder too you have mentioned that his motivations in the way you play together are very important to you, eg the vibrator in public for you = sexual gratification and for him = control. Why is it so importand that he has the same motives. For him the control may be as important as the sexual part is for you. I would get a charge out of knowing I would be doing something he wanted and that if that is having control over my orgasim in public whatever his motives it would still get me hot. And what if his sexual charge comes from the control . I know I get very hot about having control at times. Perhaps if you and he were able to talk more about that you could both understand each others wants better too. Good Luck

I'm not sure I explained this right, but I will talk to him about it. Perhaps this POV might help. I appreciate it. I just need to be open minded right now.

/Edit

[lily27]

It has been my experience that anything that is easy, is generally not worth doing.

Good luck.. and feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk.

Take care,
-lily

[Widget]

If you need to talk please feel free to message me. Relationships are not always easy but I hope things work out well for you.

[Mr.J]

Is there nothing he enjoys about Bdsm sexually any role-play dressing up in lace. leather etc

From what I know of straight vanilla males there is a spark of Bdsm in them somewhere you just have to find it and make them feel comfortable with it. Be gentle with him find what he enjoys and slowly add to it make everything out to be his idea.

[tessa]

This figuring it out thing can be such an overwhelming process. "Be careful what you wish for...you just may get it" pops to mind.

In my relationship with my husband, for whatever reasons, we both waited way too many years to speak up about our true desires. But now that we have, the lines of communication are open and flowing...slowly, but I am so very grateful for any step in this direction, it doesn't matter. The wonderful people here have told me that it will take time. I am willing to wait because as lily said, if it's too easy, it's probably not worth it.

But I think I understand, somewhat, the thought behind Dorkalicious' comment. Is it that you aren't getting a sense of his passion for all this? Is that what you're saying? For me, I am a responder...I feed off his wants and needs. His desires become mine instantly just because I sense them from him. It doesn't have to be my big need, but because it is his, I want it for him more than he probably wanted it for himself in the first place. Knowing he's receiving a great amount of pleasure from whatever the activity is more than enough for me. If I don't sense that passion, I tend to be left wanting. Does that make any sense? I'm a little bit worried that it is crystal clear to me.

What I am finding out as we talk and discover all these new things is that he can receive his pleasure from doing what I want. ~blank look~ He explained to me that the satisfaction I take in certain activities makes him satisfied as well. But since I know it may not be "his thing", I don't get as much pleasure from it as I maybe I would if I thought he was as passionate about the activity as me. He has been trying to help me understnd this concept. Not an easy task.

I'm rambling, I realize, but I am still new to this and trying to sort my mind out as well as offer any help I can. :idontnow:

tessa

[tessa]

ps.

Thanks, lily, for the link to that article. It helped sort out a few thoughts of mine that were very tangled.

:)

[submissive sugar]

I entered into this lifestyle 5 years ago (my intro says 4, but I just realized that was wrong LOL) ... Anyways ... I had been married for a year and had a small son. When I found out I was a submissive ... it was like a light bulb went off and I suddenly felt all this empowerment that I had never felt before ... I know kind of an oxymoron ... but it does make sense if you think about it. I wasn't searching to find myself anymore ... I knew who I was and that brings confidence and power to a person ... any person. Slowly over time I became a different person than the one my husband had fallen in love with and married. This journey has caused A LOT of stress in our life. I had an online Dominant in the beginning to help me through the process of learning the lifestyle and learning what I liked about BDSM and what I didn't. What I found out was a lot of what tessa and lily said. I want my husband to be as passionate about everything as I am, but also that for me it wasn't just about the sexual part of BDSM. That article that was posted is great and full of good information.

For me it's been 5 years and we are still just figuring it out and still trying to get it "right" for us. It's been hard and long going ... but as was stated, anything easy usually isn't worth having. The reason I haven't broken things off (although we've had two seperations ... one of which included me having a real life Dominant for sometime) is because I do believe he is my match and He is the one I want to be with ... The type of questions I think you are wanting answers too ... only you can answer. I can be wrong of course ... but that's just been my experience. There are some men who are just NOT Dominant ... in fact ... there really are people who don't fit into a Dominant or submissive role or a switch role ... There really are people out there who are just plain old vanilla ... and that's fine for them.... just not me LOL. Maybe your boyfriend is one of those?

[sub17]

D:
I understand what it is to be in vanilla r/ships and be unfulfilled. (I'm out of those thankfully) It's not easy I know.
I agree that if you are more sexual, the more creative you are because you are just sort of more into it...more open. Maybe he is just not as knowledgeable as you and feels a bit intimidated? What about maybe leaving a book around for him to look at, or even chatting about an article you read (the one posted), or just leave it up to him to become informed...Or some information on how a submissive mind works might help too. He might be wondering why you are into all this, not understanding and feeling out of sorts and somewhat threatened.

Good luck!

[Dorkalicious]

I would like to start off by thanking lily for the article! I didn't last night :( I'm very sorry. It is very very informative...It helped me understand more of what might be going on.

Second, I was very very tired last night, not to mention upset. I had just gotten home (and by the time I logged on I believe it was close to midnight). I had tried breaking up with him again last night (it seems like I have tried too many times). I can't let it go. It's so unbelievably hard; I have no experience with ending relationships....Not that I honestly want that experience. There are so many things that just really bother me about him:

-He can go days without talking to me and not be bothered by it. There are a lot of guys out there like this, I'm sure.
-He is very immature at times (what guy isn't?)
-I don't feel like I can have a real conversation with him, and much less get an opinion out of him about anything unless it directly affects him (although, sometimes even then he doesn't have one)
-This is going to sound very whiney: I haven't received anything random from him since the first month of our relationship and we are going on two years (for example flowers, chocolate, a card.....any sort of romantic little thing...I'm a die hard romantic =/). I often find myself going through a store and running across something he'd like, pick it up, almost buy it...then back out because I feel like I am switching the roles.

Then of course you get into the sex: (THIS MIGHT BE TMI FOR YOU)

-I don't think I have had an orgasm by him for...............
-I read stories (the one by Jaina about X-mas made me nearly cry btw, because it seems so realistic!), I read posts here, I read true life experiences by others here....I'm jealous. I'll admit it. I know that I am submissive...


-I find myself in the position that article stated:

She is in control: the situation that she wants least.


But even in all this negativity, I still want to be with him. Widget and lily, you are probably right. The fact that he doesn't feel any real sexual connection to being dominant, it probably shouldn't bother me since I am getting dominated -- if that was the case anyway. If he actually was doing those things, than yes...I don't think I would be bothered. Yes, he ties me up....I need more. I've told him this. I have the patience right now to see what happens, because he says that he will do more (in my eyes, we will be taking baby steps, though if that is the case...as long as we get to the end, I will be happy...). I honestly don't see it happening, but maybe just maybe I am wrong.

*crosses fingers*

I really hope so.

Thank you all for your responses :)

[J's blu]

oh D, i wasnt going to say anything. but after reading your last post, i just have to. ok, i will tell a little about me before i start, just so you can see i am not just talking for the sake of talking.
i am nearly 50, have been married for nearly 30 years. before we were married i used to listen to Meatloaf - '2 out of 3 aint bad' and think, that is me. but i didnt have the courage to get out of the bed and walk out the door. so, now i have 4 children, and i am eternally greatful for them, BUT, when i FINALLY worked out that i was a sub/slave, the whole of my life clicked into place.
wayback when, before i even met my husband, i was what was termed at the time - sexually promiscuous - lol i am totally a slut!!
just didnt realise i was subconsciously searching for a Master.
so, now i know who and what i am, and i am not ashamed by it.
BUT my husband is nilla, and i just cant live with him any more. the love i did have has died. and when i read your list of 'things that you whine about' my lord girl. that is my list.

i will ask you this - have you asked yourself why you stay with him? is it just easier to stay with what you know?
i wise woman once said to me - NEVER just settle girl!
life is TOO short to settle. there are MANY wonderful Men out there.
and you will find one.
but you cant do that until you are single, and happy within yourself.
he is obviously happy with you running round after him and will not want to change.
please, i beg you, please. look long and hard at yourself, who you really are and what you really really deep down want from your life.
then if you have to break up with him and cant seem to find the words to say, write them down. write him a letter, pack your bags and go.

wishing you luck, happiness and the strength to follow your dreams
blu

[submissive sugar]

I've been sitting here thinking about your predicament for the last day or so and a question keeps popping up in my head ... Is your boyfriend Domineering (which believe me is a completly different thing that Dominant)? You had something about "If he does do it, then it is just so that he feels in control for once." That statement is very flippant and full of guilt it also stinks of emotional manipulation. Is it possible that your boyfriend is rather controling ... just not in the right way ... in an abusive way? It doesn't have to be blantant for it to screw with your head sweetie. I could be TOTALLLYYY off base here. Many many submissive women end up in relationships with men who are domineering rather than dominant because thier submissive self is sub-conciously looking for someone.

This all just came to me as I was thinking about your situation and if there was anything from my situation that I could pull from to help give you advice about and I couldn't pull from my marriage at all ... but it did make me think of the relationship that I had before I met my husband.

This man was great in many many ways and I was with him for 2 years before I broke it off ... even back then I had some submissive traits ( I just didn't know that's what they were and would feel horribly guilty about them)... I would defer to him for many decisions and always put his needs above mine ... and He liked BORING sex ... which I put up with but it left me wanting. What I realize now is that this man was really manipulative and it was ALWAYS about his needs and never about mine. I was there soely to satisfy him in everyway possible. Submissives NEED to have thier needs met or they are usually left depressed.

My husband is a different story ... granted we've had a rough go of it and it's been a slow process with us ... but there are reasons for that (he was extreamly abused as a kid as was I and he's got to get over those insecurities about that). Also, He's been WILLING to explore this with me ... sometimes He's not always as passionate as I'd like him to be about a certain something ... but we are both just learning what works for both us. I also know that my husband was one of those rare men who does have a Dominant spark in him ... he just needs to work it out.

Sorry this is so long ... really really sorry ... just thought I needed to say it.

[tessa]

I also know that my husband was one of those rare men who does have a Dominant spark in him ... he just needs to work it out.

Hey! It seems as if we are walking down a similar path. I know exactly what you mean. But this is Dorkalicious' thread, so I'll leave it at that. :)

Dorkalicious, you are 19. While I am past that age now...way past...:icon277: I can remember what that love felt like. I can also remember thinking, "if I leave him, who else will be there for me? Will I be all alone now?? And if I do leave, he will be hurt and I don't want to hurt him.". Don't let fear and guilt hold you back from living the life you will be happiest living. Discover who you are and find the person who can live your dream WITH you. If it is your boyfriend, then you will work this through. If he isn't the one, then you have a lot of life before you in which to find HIM.

I can say this...I wish that when I was 19 that I had a place like this community to learn from. What a resource! But I have it now, and so do you. :) You'll be fine as long as you can see that this path you are on has many twists and turns and there are no absolutes or guarantees. Just be open to finding what is out there for you, okay?

~hugs~
tessa

[Dorkalicious]

Well, I had started to respond to all three posts above, but I can see now that there is no point -- except that part about thanking you all, very very much for speaking(typing :) ) to me! I really do appreciate it...

You might be wondering why I'm not using the post I had half-way done. It's because of what just happened maybe 20 minutes ago:

I have had basically the same conversation with three good friends (one of which being my English professor...). This conversation was about David, and the scenario that just took place here.

I get out of class at 9:10ish on Wednesday nights; my only night class of the week. David works on Wednesdays, but can come downtown to get me (and did my first night class last week). So, I figured I would ask if he would tomorrow night, which he didn't seem to have a problem doing, he is in no way obligated to do this. Now, this is where things go wrong: I decided to say something about his memory lapses/short term memory, "Will you at least try to remember tomorrow?" I didn't say it in any way that I would find offending (though I can see where offense could be taken). He took it well, because we both know he forgets things...or..something like that. His response was "Yeah, but You'll have to remind me"....I kind of got upset about this. It seems he can remember certain things, and forget others -- Yes, you are only getting my perspective here. It ran through my mind a hundred ways that he could remember....Well, though this little thing did grind my nerves, the fact that he did not take his eyes off the TV the whole time really got to me. He knows that it annoys me when I am trying to have a serious conversation and he doesn't even think he needs to look at me (I'll come back to this in a moment); There are other times just like this that a TV is not involved. Well, I let it go for the most part, though yes..I was still peeved. While downstairs, we were saying goodbye to each other, because we live separately (I think this might be a VERY good thing right now). I told him that he knows it annoys me that he doesn't look at me when I am talking to him. His response was "Yeah, so what? If I am watching TV..." and I cut him off and said "leave"...he just left, didn't say another word. Maybe that was a bit harsh...I could have said "please"....But...I didn't.

There are other scenarios like this that I won't go into depth about...where I feel that he does not want to take my feelings into consideration...

I'm admitting defeat I guess with this post, it's just a matter of how and when I will let him know. I understand that it's not fair to the other "party" not to end it right away, it only makes things worse. Part of me wants to end it, but the other part just wants it to get better. I just want things to change...Change + Relationships = Bad idea...What I mean by that is that when in a relationship, if you aren't happy and you've tried talking to the other person, than honestly it's probably not going to work out...

I am very sorry for taking this out on all of you, and for those of you that have gotten this far in my post...well, thanks for not going insane. If you have any ideas or thoughts, they would be appreciated, but I'll understand if no one does. Thank you all for your support though. You have no idea what it means to me (or, perhaps you do...I'm sure most everyone here has had a point in their lives where the others here have helped them in some way).

It may look like I have it all figured out, but I am honestly quite lost.

[J's blu]

i am so proud of you. yes you are lost, and hurt and wants things to be 'nice'. but you are still finding yourself, and until you have found you, it is difficult for others too. BUT that is all a part of 'growing up' and growing pains occur in the emotional as well as physical times of growth. so, have a sook, cry, whatever, and keep writing, here or anywhere. writing things down truly does help you to - get it straight -. and if it all gets too much, sleep on it and see what the morning brings. you are worth may more than he is obviously prepared to give you. believe in yourself, believe in your right to happiness. and it will come to you.
luv blu

[tessa]

Well, sweetie ~hugs you close~ change is never the easiest, even if it's a fun kind of change. I will say this based on what you've said (and yes, it's only your perspective, but it is YOUR life we are discussing here, so it is the one that matters). It seems that if he won't even give you the attention enough to discuss a simple "will you pick me up?", then what's going to happen when the really big deal life happenings come around? Sure sometimes many of us, and I mean men and women, go into our own little world when our significant others are gabbing away about something we have no interest in. But we pretend we do, nod and say "oh really??" at appropriate pauses in the gabbing. And we do that because obviously, for them, it is of some import. If David can't even pretend with the small stuff, well, I'd be worried about he'd be like when the major issues crashed in on top of you.

And also, when you deep down all the way care about someone, you let that person know...in big ways and in the small ways (like looking you in the eye when speaking about something because he knows you prefer that.) A relationship can only be successful when the people involved give it EVERYTHING they have to give. And even then, there will be rough patches. Committment and passion are the key. Find that and you've found your One. :)

You keep talking however you want! Keep talking until you aren't feeling so lost anymore. We'll be here to listen. :wave:

~hugs again~
tessa

[Eponine]

I read through this post and was wondering how you are doing now.

My little two cents is that- I've been in those relationships where I want it to get better, but it never does, and I know that all along, but keep hoping. I think if it's right, you know.

So, I'd like to hear how you are now.

[jtkarate01]

hey Dorkalicious,

i read through the post here, and like ThisGirl. I'd love to hear how things are goin.

I don't really want to add my opinion since i have no idea the current situation but i wish you the best

[Sir_Russell]

Dorkalicious

I have been a Dom for as long as I can remember, I can't be anything but. I believe that most can play at being a Dom but to be good at it takes a a gift given early in life then a hell of a lot of work and thought. Without that inner calling it will never be real. I think the Dominants in here will mostly agree with that.

You have a gift to offer, a need to be filled find not just a man but a Dom next time to love. Some ancient once said "if you are a dog person don't buy a cat", I find great wisdom in that and see how true it is every day.

Good luck to you and please stop and say how it is going.

Russell

[Dorkalicious]

Well, hello again!

I've been absent for quite some time now, and well...I figured I would come back. I think I stopped coming so I could just have time to think without any influence from my submissive side. Of course, I'm back now :)

As for David and I:

We seemed to be doing really good, relationship wise, for a while. Again, we've hit a huge pothole. I haven't talked to him since yesterday, and he has made no effort to get in touch with me either. Once again, I am in a spot of confusion. Part of me wants to talk to him and make things okay, and the other part just wants to let it all go.

A lot has gone on between us that I find particularly negative, I am just having a hard time letting this relationship go. We have been together for over two years now. I have come to the same conclusion every time I think about this relationship though - It needs to end. I just need the courage to end it.

That is basically where it stands right now. He will never be the dom I crave for, and it seems that him and I just don't mesh as well as we should in more than simply that area.

Thank you all for your concern. Hopefully I won't complain so much about it from this point on *crosses fingers*

[tessa]

You can say whatever it is you are feeling! We're here to listen. ~hugs~

Whatever you want and need, I hope that is what happens for you.

tessa

[TomOfSweden]

I have come to the same conclusion every time I think about this relationship though - It needs to end. I just need the courage to end it.


Just go for it. :cheerlead

You know in your heart what you want. If you've come so far as to formulate it here, I think your mind is set and your soul is ready for change.

It could become easier if you list what it is you like about him. If all he is, is a nice guy, you might as well just be friends.

edit: and I'll second Tessa. If you share, we'll help.

[cadence]

Good to see you back!

[Dorkalicious]

Thanks again everyone *group hug!* :)

I guess on place to start would be what happened a few nights ago:

We were both at work, and this particular night it was laid back enough that if I needed to take a phone call, I could without being worried about getting in trouble. The following day, I had something going on that I needed information about as soon as my friend got it, so of course, when she did, she called me.

Well, what happened was I took the phone call, and while on the phone I was trying to maneuver my way around a very large obstacle. In the process of doing this, David thought it would be funny/cute/a good idea...to slap my ass. Now, time and time again, I have asked and told him not to do this, especially at work (This is because not only do I have lower back problems and he has bad aim, but because we are at work...). Well, this was horrible timing, because due to the awkward position I was in, my pelvic area was thrust into the corner of the object I was attempting to maneuver my way around. My friend basically heard a scream from me, and since I couldn't hold the phone anymore I handed it to David -- Who promptly hung up on her. *sigh*

I sat on the floor, because it hurt so much to move, and all he could do was try to get my up and out of the way of people (which honestly they could have waited 5 minutes to get to the particular section I was blocking...). This angered me, because he didn't apologize, he just tried to get me up and out of the way. Of course, when people asked me what happened, I told them and David's response was "I didn't hit you"...

That was part A. Part B:

Later that night, I had lightened up about the whole thing (Not entirely though!...because it took a lot to get an apology out of him). About an hour and a half later, my pelvic area was not throbbing or stinging or...whatever anymore. We were joking around about something, and I hip-checked him (I hope you all know what that is, lol). Well, I'm not exactly sure what happened, buuuuut...he did it back and I went flying into the railing next to me, which then injured my hip, right big toe, and lower back yet again -- I understand this was partially my fault. Of course, once again he did not apologize right away. I kind of just....stared at him, and he finally got what I was looking for and said he was sorry. I was slightly bitter, I admit...but I tried to take it as light heartedly as possible and joked around about it. I don't remember exactly what I said, but something ticked him off enough to leave me alone, after dark, in pain, and in the middle of a bridge to stalk off to his house which is where we were headed.

*long sigh*...I think this post/rant is long enough!

[TomOfSweden]

From this last post he sounds like he's immature and posturing. Dominant guys don't need to posture. We need easy access to our hearts, or we wouldn't able to lead. It's as if he's a little boy, afraid to mess up. So he doesn't take care of his mess.

[moptop]

Leave him. You havn't found one nice thing to say about him so far. Your sub nature leads you to want to stick with it, but you're wrong: your sub nature has the right and indeed responsibility to be happy, too. If you aren't happy with him, how can you be making him happy, too? You want to be good to him, leave him.

[Dorkalicious]

Leave him. You havn't found one nice thing to say about him so far.

I've noticed that too.

Hopefully this thread will die off soon! Lol....:o

Again, thank you all. (Perhaps we should just make a ranting section somewhere? Lol. But I guess that's what Live Journal is for :) )

[Eponine]

Oh, honey, please get yourself away from him.
I was so angry when I read your hip story.... and maybe I shouldn't say it, but well, let's just say it brought some "unladylike" words to mind.
He sounds like one of the guys who give men (boys) a bad name, not to mention Dom's!!
Oh, there is someone so, so much better out there... please let yourself find Him!!
And I say this so wholeheartedly b/c like many of us, I've beenthere with the idiots and jerks, and now I found someone so wonderful... so I know it exists!

And maybe this will help: when my husband (ex-to-be) first left, I was a little mess for about... two days... and after that, life was great! lol. seriously, though! just b/c without him, i realized even more how bad he was fo rme.

So... good luck...and even if you're not feeling courageous... you know you've gotta just do it!! :)

[Dorkalicious]

Slight update: (Yes, this is a positive one :) )

I've gotten accepted to a college back up North near home! This means I will no longer be living in this hell hol--*cough*....Pittsburgh...any longer :) (Well, it's not a hell hole yet, but it's definitely on it's way!...Sorry Steeler fans :( ) I am waiting to hear back from Syracuse University, but that won't happen until sometime in the middle of next month....

Since I was informed of this, I feel a great sense of "freedom" approaching. Last night was another one of those times with him that simply ended negatively -- Don't worry, I won't go into details, I have given enough of them already. I'm not sure if it is really him that is the 'bad' person or me...But honestly it could simply be that we aren't compatible. Kind of messed up to realize this after two years of dating 'im. =/ But at least I have.

On a lighter-ish note…

A friend of mine back home, whom I have attempted to date before (both of us wanted to, but the timing was bad..) has recently come out as a somewhat Dom. The word ‘somewhat’ is being used rather loosely at the moment, because last night was the first night we discovered this side of each other. We role-played, and it led to a sex scene (*bright blush!*). I must say, he’s very talented with his words, he had me squirming all night – And that is no understatement! I was up all night till nearly 7 this morning! We are both very excited about this and the fact that I am moving back home…

I don’t want to push it too much right now, because I haven’t broken it off with David yet – so I feel sort of whore-ish. I will though, and soon. I don’t plan on moving back and automatically start dating the guy back home (er…plan), but I did have a fantasy or two last night that consisted of me being his submissive……*le sigh* :)



(EDIT)

It's over between us....

(/EDIT)