chalsia

After we moved from that quiet street with the boys and ropes i never thought about it much any more. At least i do not think i thought about it much more. The next large recollection of anything like that was much much later, I was well into my teens. Of course thoughts of boys dancing in my head, giggling with girlfriends talking about who is the sexiest of them all. But in the end i was not attracted to those boys, i like the older ones, the ones who were more sure of themselves, the once who did not care what others thought, the rebels i suppose, the ones that walked a bit more on the darker side. I was way too shy to really act on my feelings. No i was not ugly, not beautiful either but not ugly. Perhaps a bit to skinny, my boobs definitely still needed some filling out, hips to bony and my feet too large for my frame. Well one gets the picture. So why i suddenly had fantasies of belonging to a Sheik is beyond me, even at this time.
My favorite thoughts at that time of my life where simple:

When showering and taking a bath each night i thought about belonging to a Sheik somewhere in the middle east. He owned me, totally and completely. I was his, to do with as he pleased. Those nights i used the stream of the shower to masturbate myself to orgasm over and over again, just letting myself go to the thoughts of belonging to this strict .. loving Sheik. I was his and it absolved me of any wrong doing. Guess i felt guilty of cumming each night in the bathtub. My thoughts were rampant and ranged from things like i disobeyed my Fantasy Master and he caned me for it, to being lined up in a row with his other harem girls in the front yard and we were cleaned by Eunuchs.
My night ritual went on for a very very long time.. and i even remember a time were the fantasies faded for a bit, but then i revived them.. my invisible Master chastising me for my lack of respect and not answering him so long.
Yes i know this is more for a doctors couch, but for a long time this was what i felt in my heart. I had someone i belonged to, someone who wanted me, someone who wanted to control me.
Scary?