lorem angelum

My dear friends,
I cannot explain what the outpouring of support and love has meant to me these past days. It is not an easy road I have ahead of me, it will take me a long time to put back together everything that is broken. But I have hope, hope given to me by my sister's, my friends, and even those I don't know but in passing....it has touched me to my soul and tenderly scooped up several pieces of my shredded heart ...placing them back where they belong. I am not trying to make this all about me, I know in my heart and soul that the man who shared all this with me is hurting too...and I KNOW each and everyone of you is offering such unconditional support to him. WE have both lost something in the end, I being who I am, makes it able for me to express my feelings openly. It is what I need, but not all of us can be so free with our suffering. It is a wonderful, generous and supportive family we have here on this site...never have I felt such love anywhere else for who and what I am...
I had to share the following...this was sent to me by another member, someone I have met and just talked to in passing. I find these words so beautiful, offering me a tendril of peace that such will come to pass. This is what others don't understand about us...we all know how much more such a relationship is...and when it is over...the pain is so much more....


I can't speak to knowing the burden of your loss. No matter what I've seen in life, your experiences will be unique to you. However, I do know what it is like to find the person whom complemented your essence in every way. To be with someone who was the same in the parts that can be shared, was your opposite in parts where two sides were needed, and with whom you formed a gestalt; the two of you together were greater than the sum of your parts.

The way I could bolster her spirit with an effortless proclamation to her expressing "I'm proud of you."
How she could make my entire day in four words, as her voice changed to tell me "I love you Sir."

I recount all of this to you, mostly as a stranger, to tell you that you will in fact heal. You won't be the same. Like a vase that has been dropped and shattered, you'll never repair into what you once were. But you'll collect the pieces, slowly. You'll dye each piece, one the color of your family, another the color of your friends. You'll find more pieces and one will have hopes, another dreams, even more will be memories, and all the different components that make you up will find their way into each fractured shard. Once you've finally collected and beautified each piece, you'll begin the long and important process of soldering them all together. The result will not be the same as you once were, there's no going back now. The result will be stronger than you once were, reinforced by all the new bonds you'll be forced to make. However, functionally, you'll return to what you could do before. As a vase holds a bouquet, you too will find your function restored.

Till then, my heart goes out to you.