Study and D/s

Hello everyone.
It's getting towards the time of the year where I have exams and it is putting a lot of stress on my relationship with my Domme. Though we are similar in many other ways, we are different in our study ethic. Because of who I am and how I was raised, I just have a really strong urge to achieve, which means committing more time to study and revising.

But as I am trying to be a loyal subject to my Mistress, I find it hard to say no when she rings me up, find it hard to maintain my various chores for her. We've talked about it, and she said that she'd do anything to help me work better, which she is trying to do, but it isn't really working I think. She is adamant that I'll burn myself out if I do more work, and her absolute control over me sexually leaves me scratching my head.

What do I do, so that I can keep serving my wonderful Mistress and still get the mark I want in my exams?

Dear White Rabbit,

You have to set your own boundries, sometimes it's just not possible to make two parties happy. I have the same thing here, I work, study and have a daughter. So yes sometimes I have to set my priorities straight and do what I have to do to keep me/others happy. And if that means I cant's serve my Dom in that period of time, so be it. Key here again is communication. Your Domme is worried that you work too much and you will burn yourself, but if you have experienced that you won't - and - it works for you this way, tell her. Reassure her that you will be back on your subbie knees when this is all over.
Sometimes Life doesn't give the opportunity to be in a D/s all the time, remember you are only human and society expects certain things which doesn't always match up with your lifestyle (kink).

one also has to remember whether it is work or study, a sub is still serving thier dominant partner. They want you to be the best at what you do...whether it be good exam results or a promotion at work.
the key is good communication at all times.

I am currently in England and S1 is in Melbourne so we have the difficult task atm of the time differences and he also works away alot. But even so we still communicate whether it be via email or plain old text messaging. And everything we do...is for each other. He supports me in everything I do and vice versa.

But of course saying that our situation is just about to change.

Just remember you are still serving your Mistress and still making her proud.

and good luck with your exams

cg

I definitely recommend that you do your exams and focus on that. Any Dom/Domme worth his/her grain should support you in that decision.
Talk to her. I am sure she understands your position and that this is something you feel you need to do. There is a time for D/s and there is a time for R/l and they cant always be one and the same. It is not dishonesty with her unless you dont tell her an just ignore what she wants. An open discussion is the key here.

Focus on your studies, your Mistress should understand this. Get her to assign tasks based on your test schedule, and awards and punishments based on your grades. this will get you both involved in where you are going, and add some incentive for you to do well.

Everything that has already been said, I thoroughly agree with. Your exams must take priority at this time, and expressing the importance of this with your Mistress as soon as possible is very important.

I suggest, however, discussing a schedule for the time that you commit strictly for Her as well as a set time for your studies (where you are not to be interrupted). This way, She will recognize that you are maintaining your committment to your relationship, and not feel "put off".

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Originally Posted by Rhabbi

Focus on your studies, your Mistress should understand this. Get her to assign tasks based on your test schedule, and awards and punishments based on your grades. this will get you both involved in where you are going, and add some incentive for you to do well.

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I strongly disagree with the idea of being punished for a poor grade.

If white rabbit is as dedicated to the task as he sounds as if he is, then a poor grade will be devastating enough. I know how I would feel in such a situation, and if the one person to whom I would be looking to to support me at such a time then punished me I would feel broken and betrayed in the trust that I have given to him to protect me. I cannot imagine him ever being so uncaring, but if he was, then it would take a lot of work on both our parts to re-establish that trust.

Now that does not mean that after he had let me vent and cry or whatever I needed to do, he would not lovingly take me over his knee to help me draw a line under the matter. But that would be a therapeutic spanking, not a punishment.

cariad

Perhaps there is a way to mix acadamics with d/s, but I can't think of how. For education, throw everything out the door, your strive to achieve is admirable and nothing should stop you from your goal.

I went back to school last year and I definately know what you mean about balancing studies with everything else. I have a problem that you don't, I have horrible self discipline. So my master added my studies to the things I do for him that he keeps track of. He asks me if I studied the pre-agreed amount of time, and if I haven't I get punsihed. Even though you seem to have the self discipline to study on your own, maybe you could involve your mistress in a similar way and she would feel less left out.

Although my self-discipline isn't bad when it gets to studying (mostly because I thoroughly enjoy my studies) I had a similar agreement with my ex-master (that sounds weird, doesn't it?)...it was important to him that I keep on top of my studies, mainly because it was and is important to me. There was a little timezone-problem, and I think it helped him to feel that he was part of my life and actually participating in it, and me? Well, I just loved it -- there is nothing quite like "I expect you to have finished...by..." to motivate you. Actually, I worked harder than I would have so I could proudly report "yes, I got everything done and I did 10 pages EXTRA" :) So, my experiences with that really are VERY positive, and maybe it might help you and your domme too? Or she could test you, that way you could possibly combine being with her and studying (and get an extra spanking, hehe). Either way, all the best for your exams! *goes back to studying herself*

Thanks for all the advice everyone, I've been disconnected for a while and its reassuring to see replies to my post. I'll definitely try to incorporate our relationship into my studies, that sounds like a good idea. She might not like it to start, but I think she might get into it after a while, when given the power to motivate me in such a way.

White Rabbit, I have the same thing happen to me, Im in college, and when those midterms come, they all tend to happen at once and its hard concentrating on other things even when you want to spend time with your mistress, but she has to understand that studying is a priority, I wish you luck, and hopefully she will see that its not that you dont want to spend time but you have to focus on other things too!

Rhabbi advise is quite solid, in my contracts I willingly limit my input on her family or her business, these are things that I have no right being involved in without her asking for and agreeing to and then only specific areas.

Remember your schooling is forever and relationships may not be. Study with or without her approval and input.

uhmm... ok i guess i have a totally different take on this one. i think maybe We just do things differently. i hope no one will be offended-

puddle was finishing up her degree when she first came to Us and Owner assigned her to be my maid. being in Our care means ALL of her life was Our concern- because all parts of her life belongs to Us, the same as all parts of my life belong to Our Owner. Owner put me in charge of the details of puddle so i/We required her to keep a good grade, one much higher than she previously had, because i knew she could do better. she kept me informed as to what work she had for each week and i regulated her schedule accordingly so she could fit in everything she needed to do. i even helped her with her homework and i did alot towards the final polish on her weekly papers. if her grades slipped she was in trouble, but then that was fair as id put a good effort towards being sure that she could succeed and there was no real exscuse for a lesser grade. she got A's instead of low C's in my care and was rewarded for it.

i dont see that there needs to be any conflict or disobedience, if the person in charge has taken responsibility for their property instead of letting them fend for themselves. no balancing act required, a slave is a slave and obeys.. and if there is a difficulty then the person in charge needs to reevaluate how they have things set up to handle the reality of the situation. it's not the slave's worry.

and Owner certainly wasnt going to mess up my maid's degree and the improvement to His property. that would be foolish, wouldnt it? if We'd been improving His house He wouldnt waste the opportunity either.

but i guess We're just coming from a much different place on things. if it's a casual playmate situation instead then i agree with the rest- work before play *smile*... and i hope you were able to find an arrangement that worked.