Surrender

:cool:My relationship with DowntownAmber is just over a year and both of us are fairly new to the lifestyle…we both have played S&M games in the past but this is our first move to a lifestyle. I find myself reacting and having feelings I frankly didn’t expect…here is one for discussion.
The biggest surprise I experience in being a Dom is my utter surrender to my Amber. This lifestyle has drawn us close like no other relationship I’ve had…puzzling. She submits to my every need, yet she owns me….hmmm

J-Go

First, in a good relationship we do belong to each other and D/s is no exception.

I have a saying "a Dom without a sub is not a Dom" few get it but I stand by it and think it works for the sub too. Each person needs what the other has and offers to complete the other.

Just enjoy

Sir_Russell I always enjoy your wisdom....

I think you are finding out that a D/s relationship is very similar to a vanilla relationship when two people love each other. Go with it and let it grow and flourish. You won't be sorry.

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Originally Posted by Sir_Russell

J-Go

First, in a good relationship we do belong to each other and D/s is no exception.

I have a saying "a Dom without a sub is not a Dom" few get it but I stand by it and think it works for the sub too. Each person needs what the other has and offers to complete the other.

Just enjoy

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Thank you Sir Russell. As does J-Go, I also appreciate your insight and experience.

Just enjoy the feeling guys :)
When peoples "roles click into place"(in a relationship of pretty much any kind) the strength of the people involved increases too and yes definitely you might be the Dom in a relationship but ownership is twofold kinda if you know what I mean.

Too true! The Owner also is owned - the (mental) chains anchor in both Dom and sub, binding them closely together in a good relationship.

I do believe that the Life causes a D/s couple to either grow very close or to break up fast. When it works I believe it works for a long time

I definitely agree with You there, Sir Russell. My Master and I have known each other for nine years now and W/we are extemely close. W/we are Master and sub, Husband and wife and best friends. It has come to the point where W/we complete each other's sentences or one can look at the other and know what the other person is thinking or is about to say. Master knows me better than I know myself a lot of the time. D/s has definitely brought U/us closer as a couple.

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Originally Posted by sisterhoney61

I definitely agree with You there, Sir Russell. My Master and I have known each other for nine years now and W/we are extemely close. W/we are Master and sub, Husband and wife and best friends. It has come to the point where W/we complete each other's sentences or one can look at the other and know what the other person is thinking or is about to say. Master knows me better than I know myself a lot of the time. D/s has definitely brought U/us closer as a couple.

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Agreed, the D/s side of the relationship has brought J an I MUCH MUCH closer much more quickly that I am used to. The level of vulnerability and trust is remarkable.

That level of surrender creates an atmosphere of intensity that I wouldn't trade for anything, but when I stop to look back at the high level of connection and passion, I can also see the potential for that passion to cause just as intense of a breakdown if "things go wrong." For the couples that have been together longer, do you find you deal with that successfully?

I love this thread :) and it's especially nice that it was started by a Dom who has expressed his feelings so beautifully.

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Originally Posted by DowntownAmber

That level of surrender creates an atmosphere of intensity that I wouldn't trade for anything, but when I stop to look back at the high level of connection and passion, I can also see the potential for that passion to cause just as intense of a breakdown if "things go wrong." For the couples that have been together longer, do you find you deal with that successfully?

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I've been married to my Dom for ten years now and I believe that our D/s relationship has made us stronger and so much closer as a couple. We've had moments when life gets in the way and pulls us apart but we both know that what we've got is far too precious to throw away and, whatever happens, I think we both know that we are somehow bound together for ever.

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Originally Posted by DowntownAmber

Agreed, the D/s side of the relationship has brought J an I MUCH MUCH closer much more quickly that I am used to. The level of vulnerability and trust is remarkable.

That level of surrender creates an atmosphere of intensity that I wouldn't trade for anything, but when I stop to look back at the high level of connection and passion, I can also see the potential for that passion to cause just as intense of a breakdown if "things go wrong." For the couples that have been together longer, do you find you deal with that successfully?

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I am completely impressed J-Go, to see you (as a Master) admit to such a deep feeling - too many 'Doms' feel it weak to do so, when it's quite the opposite - a strong man, a confident man without insecurity has no problem stating such things

Amber, I do believe that it is the complete vulnerability and letting go of it all to One that causes such intensity and yes, I think it is a two way street.

You can't enjoy such highs without the lows being equal. Experiencing His disappointment in you is as heart-wrenching and emotionally devastating as is the feelings of euphoria when He is utterly pleased by something you've done.

You just have to bare both in mind and most certainly during low times, it's all about good communication, learning and proper forgiveness so you both move on truly leaving transgressions behind.

My heart-felt congratulations to both of Y/you, I hope you see many years of the same happiness!

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Originally Posted by Sir_Russell

J-Go

First, in a good relationship we do belong to each other and D/s is no exception.

I have a saying "a Dom without a sub is not a Dom" few get it but I stand by it and think it works for the sub too. Each person needs what the other has and offers to complete the other.

Just enjoy

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I grew up in a rural area of appalachia. My grandparents were dead by the time I was born, but one old man in the family sort of replaced them as the "fount of simple wisdom" that is so needed in every family. Bob was a farmer. He was born in about 1900-1910, so he'd seen much change in the world (and that tends to lend wisdom, I think).

He used to say "a mule in the field isn't a mule, it's just a hole for hay. Put hames on him," he'd say (hames are part of a harness), "and he becomes a mule again."

Wisdom always has a parallel in every aspect of life. It's one way to assure it's wisdom, and not merely a nice sounding saying.

A Dom isn't a Dom without a sub, but the "domness" is still there (if it really is there) waiting for the "harness," so to speak.

GearJammer{kuriouspet}
I agree with that and have heard it before both statements are right, truisms I think but actually very different. Mine shows a relationship reality yours shows a personality reality.

I got as far as the word harness and thought, you obviously know what you're talking about, Gear Jammer :d

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Originally Posted by Sir_Russell

GearJammer{kuriouspet}
I agree with that and have heard it before both statements are right, truisms I think but actually very different. Mine shows a relationship reality yours shows a personality reality.

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My experience is that reality is reality.

Chuckle.

I stand.