Domly Thoughts

*sneaks in quietly, nervous* I've never started a topic in here before hehe

Ok, so I've noticed a lot of the submissive gurls posting and wondering what are some things that go on in a Dominants mind and wanted to share a post from another group that was posted by my dear friend and mentor whom I love still a lot - I hope it adds a little insight as it certainly did for me.

I hope more Dom's open up on this so we can peek inside *smiles*

"not really my thing posting topics, I like to be in the background as it were, but I have an interest in this room, or club as it seems to me, a cosy club,,,, well I have an interest in the form of a very smart girl, and well to be honest she keeps nudging me to post something,,,so I was thinking, as I do sometimes, maybe it might be an idea to hear one of the Doms thoughts, I thought I would just share a few things of what it means to be me, these are only personal feelings, these are things I need to give my girl, what I take is another part of the bigger picture, and I understand many have other ideas about what it means to be an Alpha male, but for me its a general love and fascination of all women, this to me is vital, an inherent confidence in oneself that makes me have no need to try and bring anyone else down or belittle anyone, or for that matter try and impress anyone in any way, taking the time to truly find out what makes my girl tick, what she wants, what she needs, and work on making it happen, the ability to show outwardly great love and affection without seeming needy, a desire to bring out of my girl anything that she has in her that needs to be released, good or bad,single minded in my determination to look after my girls mental and physical well being, a silent authority about myself that my girl is always aware of but is in no way scared of, a fierce burning passion that knows no boundaries, and strong emotional bond with my girl, but with an inner calm always,,,,well anyway, before I babble on for an eternity, thats sort of some of the things that go on in me as an Alpha, and what I get in return, well you know."

*sighs* I know He won't mind my re-posting it and I look forward to seeing the responses

Well...let´s see (tick, tack, ...)

OK, I´d have to say that I´m continuously thinking about girls and what
they want. There´s a need to know as much about them as possible (in general) and to get to know a particular girl: her personality, sexyness, needs and wants.

I try to be the best I can and to challege myself and the girl. Also, I try to keep the relationship interesting and transmit my feelings in different ways.
Finally, trust. I have to trust my girl and viceversa.


Mr. Francesco

He hasn't used a full stop anywhere right up until the end. An accomplishment in itself really. It seems like you have an amazing friend/Dom here, who has quite a way with words too. He really has caught two of the points which to me also are most important.

First of all the confidence in oneself, which of course is generally important but essential for being a Dom. I will never do anything I do just because of what someone else thinks. If you are dependant on other peoples' perception of you, you are not fit to lead.

Secondly there is that desire to bring out anything a girl has in her, be it good or bad, in a safe environment. It is truly beautiful to see that change, as a girl grows more pure, closer to herself. I myself have seen it but once, but would recommend it to anyone.

I do have an intense interest in what makes people tick, what they most enjoy and most fear. I think a Dom needs this, because these little facts about someone allow you to open them up and, while doing so, keep them safe. I enjoy trying to find these things out, preferably without the girl noticing.

What matters most, I believe, is that whatever you bring out in a submissive, will allow them to be closer to themselves than they were and be stronger because of it.

Seems like they're all shy. ;)

I don't think it is shy so much as they will speak when they have something of value to add ;) I've noticed a common trait amongst them is none tend to run off randomly at the mouth - when a true Master speaks, it's time to pay attention. :D

It took me months to get the Master above to even post that lol

Aloha all

I am not sure what I will write here but mgem's photos showed she can step into the light then I guess so can I.

As a Dom, I am inexperienced in any matters relating to real life as till now I have had no real chances to play for real. Who knows what the future may bring? On line I have had about 10 years experience and feel I can reveal some of myself. I know that for 'us' who have been limited to on line experiences our views and comments can some times be a little devalued and I understand well why this may be. How ever it makes them non the less valid so long as they are kept in that context.

For myself, I think about the many ladies I met here quite a lot. My minx I think about almost continually. It is her I want to bring the best out of. I take a lot of time to think about what activities we might do and I take non of them lightly. I even dry run many parts of the tasks I might set her or anyone else myself as part of my desire for the task to be able to be successfully completed and the appropriate punishment or reward to be administered.

I like to flirt and to make people feel special, my minx the foremost of those. It is my desire for her to know when I am pleased and to guide her to the many ways of doing so.

For me I wish a sub to please me because it is her desire to do so, not just mine. I don't want her to serve because she fears the stick but because the carrot that drives her is my praise for her. This approach may be frowned on by many but it works for me and as I am the Dom it is what I will continue to do till it pleases me to change.

I like to encourage a smile rather than a frown and a giggle rather than a cry of alarm. I seek to gain her respect for me rather than demand it. I in return respect her for what she is and want her only to grow and become more of what she truly desires. (God I'm starting to sound so full of myself - forgive me all.)

I know some of my faults and limitations but I realize there are some still waiting to appear and so I know my journey is one of constant learning. I am sure I learn more from Minxy than she will ever hope to learn from me. The same is true of other ladies I meet her I am sure. So I will continue to aspire to become, with time perhaps, a passable Dom. Hopefully I can help others who are perhaps new or unsure and if I can I am pleased.

I find that at this moment I have many changing emotions and my views are changing all the time as I learn more.

Reading this I fear I will have bored many so I will finish. I hope that this was what mgem was looking for. Not sure it is 'insightful' but it is from me.

thank you to minxy for just being minxy and you mgem for just being mgem. xx

Red Dragon - I think you did an excellent job explaining your thoughts and feelings. I didn't find it boring at all. suchaminx is a fortunate young lady, I think. :)

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Originally Posted by Red Dragon

thank you to minxy for just being minxy and you mgem for just being mgem. xx

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Awwww Hotstuff, thank you so much for posting this - it is great and all amazingly wonderful qualities in a More Than Passable Dom such as yourself *winks*

I'm glad my photo's inspired something other than my complete embarassment haha!

Domly thoughts how can I have anything but. First I am old school yet a bit of a Daddy Dom mixed in. I don't much care for brats because this isn't play for me, I live it and the woman that I take has to live it too since I am F2F not online. I want her happy and contented knowing she is safe and secure. I want her to want to serve not be made to serve. Yes training is tough and hard on us both but it allows us to become one.

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Originally Posted by Sir_Russell

Domly thoughts how can I have anything but.

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I guess I earned that *giggles madly*

No pearls of great wisdom? A secret or two for us lil subbie's Sir Russel? hehe

Thanks for posting, I do appreciate it :)

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Originally Posted by mastersgem

I don't think it is shy so much as they will speak when they have something of value to add ;) I've noticed a common trait amongst them is none tend to run off randomly at the mouth - when a true Master speaks, it's time to pay attention. :D

It took me months to get the Master above to even post that lol

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Well said, mgem, and well observed. I suppose the only thing I can add is that a man who is a Dom (as opposed to a man who sometimes dominates, regardless of how well on those occasions) is always a Dom, although he may not always Dominate. The post you made strikes me as such a Dom.

The same principle would be true of course, if the gender words were changed to she and Domme above. The exact same.

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Originally Posted by GearJammer{kuriouspet}

Well said, mgem, and well observed. I suppose the only thing I can add is that a man who is a Dom (as opposed to a man who sometimes dominates, regardless of how well on those occasions) is always a Dom, although he may not always Dominate. The post you made strikes me as such a Dom.

The same principle would be true of course, if the gender words were changed to she and Domme above. The exact same.

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I couldn't agree more Jammer...I don't suppose myself the Alpha and Omega of Dom insight but I do have strong feelings as to my place as a Dom. To me Dominance is about traditional respect, respect primarily for my chosen and respect to and for those whose respect I wish to gain, male or female. Holding a door for a lady, allowing the elderly man at the market to take a place in line before you, ensuring that a coworker gets to her car safely late at night are, in my mind very Domly traits. As a Dom I have made a pact of sorts to care for and protect those in my family, my community and my relationships.

As for my partner DTA all of the above applies. When we are out I am vigilant to ensure she is taken care of, opening doors, holding her hand, keeping her close and making her feel more than mine, but secure and safe. These things may be corny in society today but for me they define being a Dom. What happens during play is just that…play. Honor happens every day.

So you want to know what goes on in a Dom's mind, mastersgem?

Right now I'm hoping lisa is having a good day & finding something worthwhile to do. Also thinking of another girl who I haven't spoken to in a while. Hoping to talk to her on the phone for the first time soon.

Having some nice thoughts of someone who wears something special for me on this day every week.

I guess I spend a whole lot of time with my welding handpiece or grinder in one hand just thinking about a few special girls. I don't have children, so there's a little quasi parental caring with the younger ones.

Trying to anticipate their needs & keeping a clear picture of their overall lives is a big thing. I enjoy introducing girls to D/s, so I keep track of where they are in their journey, & plan for the future.

nice post..see Dom/mes do post too,when they have something worthwhile to say ;)

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Originally Posted by Red Dragon

For me I wish a sub to please me because it is her desire to do so, not just mine. I don't want her to serve because she fears the stick but because the carrot that drives her is my praise for her. This approach may be frowned on by many but it works for me

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i dont see why this approach would be frowned upon,for what it's worth i think it's the right approach it's the one that works for us and im guessing many othes too.

there's nothing usually a sub loves more than knowing they've done well,have pleased and have been recognised it's part of what they aim for.and who in all honesty wants to please only to avoid the stick?? i for one dont want to live my r/ship partly out of fear.
ive not yet met a sub ...yet...who doesnt like or even need praise subs are supposed to be unselfish and only want to please thats true to a degree but we're human too and of course we want something back otherwise we wouldnt be doing this,it's part of our 'make-up'

maybe i'll be frowned upon now lol but that's my take on it.

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Originally Posted by J-Go

To me Dominance is about traditional respect, respect primarily for my chosen and respect to and for those whose respect I wish to gain, male or female. Holding a door for a lady, allowing the elderly man at the market to take a place in line before you, ensuring that a coworker gets to her car safely late at night are, in my mind very Domly traits. As a Dom I have made a pact of sorts to care for and protect those in my family, my community and my relationships.

As for my partner DTA all of the above applies. When we are out I am vigilant to ensure she is taken care of, opening doors, holding her hand, keeping her close and making her feel more than mine, but secure and safe. These things may be corny in society today but for me they define being a Dom. What happens during play is just that…play. Honor happens every day.

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Damn wish I'd said that! Thanks for this you said it so much better than I. My thoughts precisely. I thought I was the only old fashioned one here but so glad to find I'm not.

[QUOTE=icey;595878]

i dont see why this approach would be frowned upon,for what it's worth i think it's the right approach it's the one that works for us and im guessing many othes too.
QUOTE]

Thank you for this dear lady.

To me being a Dom is about leadership to an extent. Better to lead those this are confident in you leadership and will obey with out question because whatever you ask they know it is only for the best intentions and goals not always apparent that a request is given. Than to follow and not to trust.

As a rule I ask subs to do things rather than demand or command. I don't like to do as I'm told to do so why should anyone else? Requesting gives the choice to the sub and if I have the respect and command I seek to encourage I am confident the request will be carried out without question.

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Originally Posted by J-Go

I couldn't agree more Jammer...I don't suppose myself the Alpha and Omega of Dom insight but I do have strong feelings as to my place as a Dom. To me Dominance is about traditional respect...
< followed by a very good description of MANhood, leadership, and personal responsibility>

What happens during play is just that…play. Honor happens every day.

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VERY well said, and an outstanding segue to a discussion of seeing a Dom only in his role in play, as opposed to seeing him be what his instincts demand "every day" in everyday occurrences. I submit that the real determiner is the attitudes and instincts within him, and the outward actions are merely symptoms of them.

Well said again, sir.

truly nice to peek just a little bit into a Dom's mind. As J-Go and Jammer have said, getting to know the Dom outside of the play area is extremely important as life does not allow us to stay there at all times....such a shame really....lol. i have also learned, that the Doms that "say" the least, often impart great wisdom when they do decide to share. thanks for starting the thread gem....

I'm loving this thread and thank you to All for your input. It's encouraging to hear that many of you take the responsibility to heart and that you are paying attention to the mental/emotional side of these relationships.

For me that's where it's all at - in the mind and I've been finding it difficult to find a Dominant who truly believes the same. I've spoken with many who have tried to 'fake' it because they know it's what a subbie wants to hear but then it isn't long before you suss them out and see really all they are after is a cheap, kinky thrill. What they don't know is that unless the trust and emotional levels are there, I would never 'play' with them anyway lol

Thanks again, this is awesome to see :D

Well you started this thread mastersgem- you can take all the credit :)

One of my girls said last night that she's an old fashioned girl, at heart. That I think ties in with what has been said in this thread- the old values of honour & decency, caring for one's girl etc.

To be a Dom, is to be yourself- to not put on an act, play a part or impress others.

I personally strive to get through each day without hurting anyone, & aim to affect others in a positive way.

Last night I got to speak to one of my girls on the phone for the first time- after many hundreds of hours chatting online. It was a profoundly moving experience to connect to someone on that level. I won't forget that conversation in a hurry.

Yeah, you don't have to be a 'hard man' to be a Dom.

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Originally Posted by Tojo

Well you started this thread mastersgem- you can take all the credit :)


To be a Dom, is to be yourself- to not put on an act, play a part or impress others.

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hmmmm this sounds very similar to something I wrote and you chose to insult me about.

Greetings all, hello girl.

In regards to your question. Really each Man thinks in his own way, hence why some girls fall head over heels for only one type of Man. BUT speaking for myself. I have a variety of thoughts running through my head on any given day.

To give a slight back story lily and I met in RL about a year ago, we have since moved in, and are expecting a furious little ball of energy in July (lord help me but having a daughter scares the hell out of me at times).

So my thoughts lately are. Is the imp ok, how are finances doing, what can I do to make the house more baby friendly, how can I modify her training to better suit her physical limitations as of late. And a lot of self reflection. I’m always trying to step outside of myself and evaluate how my reactions to things in my day best serve where I want to be in the future. Looking towards any things that I may not have done to my best and working out ways to improve on them in the future.

I also think about the world around us and how really the D/s nature of man is all around us and as well how this is being suppressed. How I can work towards improving our universal understanding of what I believe to be inherently true of Man….But there is also periods of silence. Peace, tranquility. Where I absorb, and observe the world around me, with out judgment, evaluation or moralization. I’m at peace with myself, and know that I am on the life path I want to be. I’ll get to the destination I want to get to in my own time. No need to rush, or be distraught by the bumps that will come.

Now ask me how I express myself (and by extension one would argue my Dominance) and that may illicit another mini-novella :)

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Originally Posted by Radasham

Greetings all, hello girl.

In regards to your question. Really each Man thinks in his own way, hence why some girls fall head over heels for only one type of Man. BUT speaking for myself. I have a variety of thoughts running through my head on any given day.

To give a slight back story lily and I met in RL about a year ago, we have since moved in, and are expecting a furious little ball of energy in July (lord help me but having a daughter scares the hell out of me at times).

So my thoughts lately are. Is the imp ok, how are finances doing, what can I do to make the house more baby friendly, how can I modify her training to better suit her physical limitations as of late. And a lot of self reflection. I’m always trying to step outside of myself and evaluate how my reactions to things in my day best serve where I want to be in the future. Looking towards any things that I may not have done to my best and working out ways to improve on them in the future.

I also think about the world around us and how really the D/s nature of man is all around us and as well how this is being suppressed. How I can work towards improving our universal understanding of what I believe to be inherently true of Man….But there is also periods of silence. Peace, tranquility. Where I absorb, and observe the world around me, with out judgment, evaluation or moralization. I’m at peace with myself, and know that I am on the life path I want to be. I’ll get to the destination I want to get to in my own time. No need to rush, or be distraught by the bumps that will come.

Now ask me how I express myself (and by extension one would argue my Dominance) and that may illicit another mini-novella :)

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Hello and thank you for your input, this is very well put - please, novella away *giggles*

Congratulations on the upcoming arrival for you both!!

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Originally Posted by J-Go

To me Dominance is about traditional respect, respect primarily for my chosen and respect to and for those whose respect I wish to gain, male or female. Holding a door for a lady, allowing the elderly man at the market to take a place in line before you, ensuring that a coworker gets to her car safely late at night are, in my mind very Domly traits. As a Dom I have made a pact of sorts to care for and protect those in my family, my community and my relationships.

As for my partner DTA all of the above applies. When we are out I am vigilant to ensure she is taken care of, opening doors, holding her hand, keeping her close and making her feel more than mine, but secure and safe. These things may be corny in society today but for me they define being a Dom. What happens during play is just that…play. Honor happens every day.

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*Long sighs of wistful longing*

Another post notes that 'one of the girls' said that she is old-fashioned. I couldn't agree more about myself - I want the tradition and the respect and the honor in everything that I do. I've wanted to feel safe and secure for as long as I can remember, back into the trashy romance novels that I used to read. *shy giggles*

I have only begun my journey into the complicated world of this lifestyle, but I crave being able to serve a Man worthy of my respect. A Man that I can trust without fear clouding my thoughts. A Man that speaks when He needs to and listens because He knows how.

I've loved reading this thread and hope that more Doms will come forward to share whatever thoughts they have - maybe so that more subbies like me can swoon in front of our computer screens as we long for that connection in our own lives. You've started a lovely topic, mgem, thank you, and thank you to the Doms that honor us with their words.

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Originally Posted by newslave

*Long sighs of wistful longing*

Another post notes that 'one of the girls' said that she is old-fashioned. I couldn't agree more about myself - I want the tradition and the respect and the honor in everything that I do. I've wanted to feel safe and secure for as long as I can remember, back into the trashy romance novels that I used to read. *shy giggles*

I have only begun my journey into the complicated world of this lifestyle, but I crave being able to serve a Man worthy of my respect. A Man that I can trust without fear clouding my thoughts. A Man that speaks when He needs to and listens because He knows how.

I've loved reading this thread and hope that more Doms will come forward to share whatever thoughts they have - maybe so that more subbies like me can swoon in front of our computer screens as we long for that connection in our own lives. You've started a lovely topic, mgem, thank you, and thank you to the Doms that honor us with their words.

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Banish discouragement as much as you are able. They exist, and when the time is right, you will find one. Check him carefully, very carefully. If he cannot stand alone, totally alone, and stand well, set him aside, and continue to search. By the way, "standing alone" means without the need for connection to anyone if necessary, including the "lifestyle" as it is applied to mean a community. I do wish you the best.

I have said this a bunch but when a Dom/Masters finds his one she becomes the most important thing in his life. He will put her real needs in front of his own.

All his training and effort go not into transforming her into his ideal but to bring forth her real person. I know what I want from a sub/slave yet some aren't either ready to be that or are capable to be it. That is where the life becomes difficult, how do I deal with it. I have to find a way to make us both happy or end it.

Each time if it is minor then I work hard to help her grow and reassess if my needs are really that important that all her other traits don't make up for the ones she lacks.

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Originally Posted by newslave

*Long sighs of wistful longing*

Another post notes that 'one of the girls' said that she is old-fashioned. I couldn't agree more about myself - I want the tradition and the respect and the honor in everything that I do. I've wanted to feel safe and secure for as long as I can remember, back into the trashy romance novels that I used to read. *shy giggles*

I have only begun my journey into the complicated world of this lifestyle, but I crave being able to serve a Man worthy of my respect. A Man that I can trust without fear clouding my thoughts. A Man that speaks when He needs to and listens because He knows how.

I've loved reading this thread and hope that more Doms will come forward to share whatever thoughts they have - maybe so that more subbies like me can swoon in front of our computer screens as we long for that connection in our own lives. You've started a lovely topic, mgem, thank you, and thank you to the Doms that honor us with their words.

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*sighs wistfully alongside newslave* yup yup sweetie, I want that old "Harlequinn Romance" - all old fashioned when men were truly men and knew how to take charge and more so, how to take care of his gurl mmmmmm *daydreams of someday* hehe ;)

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Originally Posted by mastersgem

*sighs wistfully alongside newslave* yup yup sweetie, I want that old "Harlequinn Romance" - all old fashioned when men were truly men and knew how to take charge and more so, how to take care of his gurl mmmmmm *daydreams of someday* hehe ;)

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Don't worry, they are out there. Sometimes it just takes a bit of work to find them. I think we are geographically quite close, so I know for sure that "real men" exist.... you just can't have mine!!! :)

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Originally Posted by lily27

Don't worry, they are out there. Sometimes it just takes a bit of work to find them. I think we are geographically quite close, so I know for sure that "real men" exist.... you just can't have mine!!! :)

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hehehe lily hun, you're too cute and yes we are less than a half hour away, I'm in Calgary ;) so if you two know of any Tall Domly types in my area..... *giggles* :D