Book By It's Cover

Hello one and all. I am sure all of you have heard the quote "never judge a book by it's cover" and what it means. I am a dom as some of you know or by merely reading my avatar you can tell that I am a dom.

Despite being a dom I am pretty laid back and have a habit of making requests in question form to keep a human to human level respect all while showing my dominance of telling one to do something. Because of this I fear that my laid back attitude makes me seem distance and somewhat of a poor dom. I am not overly experienced as a dom, but that does not make me a green horn either, I do research for experiments for any sub I have and do various types of experiments to learn more of what they like and dislike. But also because of how I can be understanding as well laid back, it makes it appears even more so then just with the laid back attitude.

More or less I am trying to press that everyone is different and even if one is naturally lazy, or naturally hyper one should not judge on that alone. I personally am great to get along with, I have open views and my laid back personality can make it a fun chat because we can literally talk about anything and it won;t bother me and i will give my views for I am blunt do to my belief that talking behind ones back is rude as well it gets things said and out of the way with out beating about the bush.

So when looking for a dom or a sub, whether it is for real life fun or online fun or what ever type of fun, you should not judge on one con that annoys you and see if there are, in literal aspect, more pro's then con's. Just remember it is not the cover of the book that makes it good or unique, but the content inside of it.

I would like to thank all who read this and please do tell of your opinion on this and if there is already a thread similar to this I apologize for creating a new topic while an old one already was made.

Of course I agree with you about the "one con" thing, but I also want to say that, at times, there is something MORE menacing about someone who phrases commands as requests. I think it's the feeling that you're not seeing everything - there's something in reserve, and you don't know how deep it goes.

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Originally Posted by rachel06

there is something MORE menacing about someone who phrases commands as requests. I think it's the feeling that you're not seeing everything - there's something in reserve, and you don't know how deep it goes.

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is that a good or bad thing? please explain a little more about what you mean, i am afraid i do not quite understand it.

I call what you are talking about....packaging...

The package may be beautifully warped...but what you will have is the gift inside.....
and at the end of the day........the packaging will always go out with the trash.....


its not so much overlooking one flaw about someone.....but more or less looking .....at the whole.......

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Originally Posted by meh

is that a good or bad thing? please explain a little more about what you mean, i am afraid i do not quite understand it.

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What I mean is, for me, is let's say there's a scale of 1 to 10 of how imposing or scary or whatever word you like, someone is. If they just start off at a ten, with commands or a raised voice or whatever, there's no place else to go, in reality or in my own imagination. I pretty much know the "worst" upfront.

But if someone starts off at a four, for example, then I have to imagine what his ten would be - and probably my imagination is worse than the reality. So when someone starts off the way you describe, say using requests instead of commands, etc. then in a way it's more imposing for me because I can only imagine what it would be like if he raised his voice.

And then I like the dissonance between being spoken to politely and whatever abuse might be occurring, and I like that feeling that even though it sounds like a request, really it's a command. And you get to wonder what would happen if you didn't obey. I just find all of that subtler, and more satisfying, than raised voices and sharp orders. And then if a voice does get raised, or a command issued, it's much more meaningful.

This is just my point of view, and it's still probably somewhat incoherent.

My Master almost always forms his commands in request form. Not always, but most of the time. I know full well it's not a request, but I do appreciate that he asks. In a way when he asks it's like giving me the option to say no, and by preforming his command I feel in a way that I'm submitting more. He doesn't have to ask, but I do enjoy it when he does.

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Originally Posted by SubmissiveDoll

In a way when he asks it's like giving me the option to say no, and by preforming his command I feel in a way that I'm submitting more.

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I agree.

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Originally Posted by rachel06

And then I like the dissonance between being spoken to politely and whatever abuse might be occurring, and I like that feeling that even though it sounds like a request, really it's a command.

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Hmmm, Such a dissonance would be far better than to find disappointment in a dom whose bark is worse than his bite.

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And you get to wonder what would happen if you didn't obey. I just find all of that subtler, and more satisfying, than raised voices and sharp orders. And then if a voice does get raised, or a command issued, it's much more meaningful.

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I find I get a big reaction from the smallest of change in vocal level.

Let me give you a quick analogy:

I rarely speak to my boss. She leaves me alone to do my job, and I don't normally tell her what I'm doing, or when I've done it. I don't ask to take time off, I either notify her the night before or the day after.

Ocassionaly, she will call me with a request. Usually it is something of great importance to my employer. But she phrases it as "Can you", "Do you have time to," "Please," etc. And I take the "request" and treat it just as I would and order from a commanding general.

It's about respect and dedication. How the command is verbalized isn't important. Shouting and screaming really only work for children and immature people.

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Originally Posted by redneck one

Shouting and screaming really only work for children and immature people.

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They don't really work for children either. My husband used to say that if your habitual voice is a loud one, then the only place to go is shouting. And if your habitual voice is shouting, then the only place to go is hitting. But if your habitual voice is a soft one, then even raising it a little gets the point across. I don't shout at my children.