Book By It's Cover

[leah06]

is that a good or bad thing? please explain a little more about what you mean, i am afraid i do not quite understand it.

What I mean is, for me, is let's say there's a scale of 1 to 10 of how imposing or scary or whatever word you like, someone is. If they just start off at a ten, with commands or a raised voice or whatever, there's no place else to go, in reality or in my own imagination. I pretty much know the "worst" upfront.

But if someone starts off at a four, for example, then I have to imagine what his ten would be - and probably my imagination is worse than the reality. So when someone starts off the way you describe, say using requests instead of commands, etc. then in a way it's more imposing for me because I can only imagine what it would be like if he raised his voice.

And then I like the dissonance between being spoken to politely and whatever abuse might be occurring, and I like that feeling that even though it sounds like a request, really it's a command. And you get to wonder what would happen if you didn't obey. I just find all of that subtler, and more satisfying, than raised voices and sharp orders. And then if a voice does get raised, or a command issued, it's much more meaningful.

This is just my point of view, and it's still probably somewhat incoherent.

[Ozme52]

And then I like the dissonance between being spoken to politely and whatever abuse might be occurring, and I like that feeling that even though it sounds like a request, really it's a command.

Hmmm, Such a dissonance would be far better than to find disappointment in a dom whose bark is worse than his bite.

And you get to wonder what would happen if you didn't obey. I just find all of that subtler, and more satisfying, than raised voices and sharp orders. And then if a voice does get raised, or a command issued, it's much more meaningful.

I find I get a big reaction from the smallest of change in vocal level.

[redneck one]

Let me give you a quick analogy:

I rarely speak to my boss. She leaves me alone to do my job, and I don't normally tell her what I'm doing, or when I've done it. I don't ask to take time off, I either notify her the night before or the day after.

Ocassionaly, she will call me with a request. Usually it is something of great importance to my employer. But she phrases it as "Can you", "Do you have time to," "Please," etc. And I take the "request" and treat it just as I would and order from a commanding general.

It's about respect and dedication. How the command is verbalized isn't important. Shouting and screaming really only work for children and immature people.

[leah06]

Shouting and screaming really only work for children and immature people.

They don't really work for children either. My husband used to say that if your habitual voice is a loud one, then the only place to go is shouting. And if your habitual voice is shouting, then the only place to go is hitting. But if your habitual voice is a soft one, then even raising it a little gets the point across. I don't shout at my children.