The Young Dom

Hey,

When I look around BDSM chatrooms I constantly get told I am too young to be a master. I admit I'm starting out with only 6 or 7 months of experience. But I am very eager to learn with submissives. I know there are dominants who've trained under dominants, but being in college to learn for an educational assistant I get 'sick' of being told how to do things and like to explore it with my submissives.

Okay, enough with the background banter, my question: "Can a young dominant be a good Dominant?"

Discuss.

To beat a dead horse.. yes, clearly.

But as for being told you're too young, that's just fear. Nothing to worry yourself about. But I'd just like to add that ageism is not appreciated in these forums, so be careful about how this thread rolls, because I can't see it being anything but that from here out.

It wasn't meant as any disrespect, I was just curious about opinions on something that has confused me, that a younger dominant sometimes isn't given the time of day because the age is on the low side of the scale.

Edit: Seconds after posting I thought this sounded disrespectful. I'm not saying that everybody does this, I've noticed on a lot of different forums that people are quite welcoming and willing to share their knowledge with me which I'm very grateful :).

It might just be perceptual. Considering the starting age of joining this website is 18, at least, being 19 doesn't really provide much room for many people to be the same or less age than you. But trust me, there are plenty of younger people into it.

Quality beats quantity in my book every time.

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Originally Posted by denuseri

Quality beats quantity in my book every time.

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Agrees..
It doesn't matter the age you are and that should be said either being older or younger.. it is how you respect the life style and others that are around you, including ones that are willing to give advise to help you along the way, and the amount of time you are willing to put in to learn and teach yourself the rights and wrongs and be patient.. Take baby Steps...

Some people can have 30yrs experience, but that doesn't make them a good Dom/Domme or Master.. It is how you apply what you have learnt that makes that. Also realizing you always have more to learn helps and knowing you do not know it all as well..

Go slow take baby steps and never be afraid to ask a question from even more then one person.. Cause the first person is not always right...

So age does it matter..? not really.. it is how you apply your knowledge and realize you don't know all but are willing to take it slow, ask questions, and learn from others.

Just my opinion..

hugs
snow

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Originally Posted by Intumesce

When I look around BDSM chatrooms I constantly get told I am too young to be a master.

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If you fit one of the 16 definitions of the word master, then call yourself a master.

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Originally Posted by Intumesce

I admit I'm starting out with only 6 or 7 months of experience. But I am very eager to learn with submissives. I know there are dominants who've trained under dominants, but being in college to learn for an educational assistant I get 'sick' of being told how to do things and like to explore it with my submissives.

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What you just said sounds like you don't want to learn anything from people who know what they're doing. It seems like you expect to jump right in there and get your hands dirty, as if submissives should be willing to be your guinea pigs. Just remember that it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt in a bad way.

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Originally Posted by Intumesce

Okay, enough with the background banter, my question: "Can a young dominant be a good Dominant?"

Discuss.

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Age has nothing to do with it. It's all about the attitude.

I find it has to come naturally. i enjoy being pushed around, but have so much more fun as a dom. havnt done it much! but it oh so exciting. i say YES

There's nothing wrong with being a beginner if you're honest about it. We all were once.

But there's a difference between being a Dom, which is the way you are, and being a Master, which is what you do. There are probably even more definitions than FR mentions, but I like the simple practical one that I call the Caesar test. It was said in ancient Rome that a man couldn't name himself Caesar, it was the legions that named him. In my opinion, a man can call himself a Master when his subs or slaves call him that.

That definition doesn't have an age limit, but it does imply a certain level of ability and achievement. If you already have that, congratulations, you don't need to worry about others' opinions. If not, see it as a goal to aim for, not something to demand.

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Originally Posted by snowflake

Some people can have 30yrs experience, but that doesn't make them a good Dom/Domme or Master.

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It's been said that some people have thirty years' experience, and some people have one year's experience repeated thirty times.

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Originally Posted by leo9

It's been said that some people have thirty years' experience, and some people have one year's experience repeated thirty times.

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lol i like that one.. hehehe Thankyou Leo9, Sir

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Originally Posted by Intumesce

Hey,

When I look around BDSM chatrooms I constantly get told I am too young to be a master. I admit I'm starting out with only 6 or 7 months of experience. But I am very eager to learn with submissives. I know there are dominants who've trained under dominants, but being in college to learn for an educational assistant I get 'sick' of being told how to do things and like to explore it with my submissives.

Okay, enough with the background banter, my question: "Can a young dominant be a good Dominant?"

Discuss.

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I've been around almost 11 years an STILL don't classify as a Master. I've owned a hotwife/cuckold couple too!

Hi, new here and I think this is an interesting thread
I learnt from a Mistress and was educated in domination but not how to be a Master. In fact I didn’t know she characterised her self as a mistress until much later on. I knew nothing of the life style; I was simply interested in what she had to teach and that lead to my being who I am and seeking to learn more. I believe any person, no matter what their interest, should seek to better their understanding and their approach, be it in Domination or the fly-fishing. (Not that I see those two crossing paths any time soon)

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That definition doesn't have an age limit, but it does imply a certain level of ability and achievement

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I could not agree more, the one thing I have noticed is there is a pre conceived notion that a Dom needs to be "older" though there is no one age that makes you a master. Now at 25 I still feel too young to be a Master and honestly feel i have much to learn before I start referring to my self that way. This however is a personal choice and not something i feel has been forced on me. I feel I need to learn more and believe I have come to the right place.

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Originally Posted by leo9

I call the Caesar test. It was said in ancient Rome that a man couldn't name himself Caesar, it was the legions that named him. In my opinion, a man can call himself a Master when his subs or slaves call him that. .

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Brilliant leo :)

@OP
I've been a dom since I was 18, and probably would have been before that except that it may not have been legal and I am, of course, a law abiding citizen. If you're legal you're old enough. If subs don't want to submit to you then it may be more a matter of demeanor or confidence, with age as the kind/easy letdown. You'll eventually find a sub who wants to play, and then from there get more experience, and it will all snowball. It will be fine.

The particular term 'master' though holds special significance for most people in the scene. I think leo nailed it. Call yourself dominant, be dominant, let subs see that, and then down the road if one of them wants to call you her master then it will be a happy day (or an awkward, crappy day, depending how you feel about her. But let's assume happy.)

Since this thread is back, and I'm in the mood to derail and/or twist a kink into discussions today, let me go ahead and throw in my two cents:

Personally, I suspect this topic is being over thought by a step. What I mean by that comment is that many subs will overlook a younger Dom not because he is (or because they suspect he is) a poor Dominant, they'll overlook him simply because the majority of ladies on an 18 and up website just aren't attracted to a guy that has barely eeked over the line to legal. Your Domliness or lack thereof, OP, likely has little to do with prospective subs' or potential friends' interest.

People are attracted to what they're attracted to, and age is a factor that turns people on or off whether the people in question are purely vanilla or totally Lifestyle. If I think about my own personal opinions, for example - I wouldn't even have a guess as to what kind of Dom you are or will be, and I also know it's likely I'll never find out because my lack of things in common with a college undergrad is seriously prohibitive to me wanting to start a relationship. I personally want close friends and partners (and Doms) that understand a bit more comprehensively about my life and therefore who I am as a person, and vice versa.

Basically, I wouldn't look at what you're experiencing as a good Dom/bad Dom judgment call - I'd more chalk it up to people just naturally moving to the peer groups they fit in.

I agree that people are attracted to what they're attracted to, and wouldn't presume to speak for any individuals' preferences, but it's just not the case that no subs want or are willing to sub for/to young doms. 18-20 were, both online and offline, bountiful times for me.

If he isn't getting ANY play then either the sample size is too small or he's doing it wrong.

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but it's just not the case that no subs want or are willing to sub for/to young doms.

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Never said it was, just that it's a lot less likely. Given the rough demographics of the site, our OP is on the very young side of the spectrum. Most of the ladies here are simply older than him, and in vanilla or BDSM couplings it is far more rare to find older women with younger men. It's even more rare when that younger man is still a teen.

I suspect that many younger men misinterpret these difficulties as a slight against their burgeoning Domly abilities, when in many circumstances that's likely not the case.

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Originally Posted by Flaming_Redhead

If you fit one of the 16 definitions of the word master, then call yourself a master.




What you just said sounds like you don't want to learn anything from people who know what they're doing. It seems like you expect to jump right in there and get your hands dirty, as if submissives should be willing to be your guinea pigs. Just remember that it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt in a bad way.



Age has nothing to do with it. It's all about the attitude.

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Kudos... well said.

The bulk of my learning came from advice of other subs. Sure, my Master has trained me, but you have to be open to the idea of taking others advice.

And your attitude on all of it will ultimately form your dominant ways. An open mind is best on the topic.

Age is a restriction you're setting on yourself... its just a number. With effort and the ability to explore your dominant side in all aspects, you are capable of being a good mature Dom.