zephyrs scream

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10-23-2006
Echoes

zephyrs scream

an escalation of heartbeat,
manifestation to predatory,
captured unyielding
amid denseness of trees,
senses flayed reckless,
wanton in saturation

opening her mouth
she wordlessly keens
a zephyrs scream;
feral wet wind
whistling tendered leaves
in chorded starvation

lapping wetness,
to collide dreams complete
seeking sovereignty
on this haunted hallowed eve.
The full moon pitched,
tripped and heaved

to sigh and wither into liquid
stirring scarlet wisps satiny
black, coiling
in repressed aggression
eyes of panther piercing ease
plundering with eternity

opening her mouth
she wordlessly keens
a zephyrs scream;
feral wet wind
whistling tendered leaves
seeking liberty.
10-23-2006
ElectricBadger

I really like the images, great job Echoes -- though I have to admit I don't follow it at all, but then maybe I'm not meant to?
10-23-2006
TheDeSade

Oh yes! .. . what a densely packed mass of images. Layer on layer of emotion, image and an almost pleading need to be heard and understood. I like it. But I would ask one question? Did you consider beginning the poem with the same stanza with which you ended?
10-23-2006
Echoes

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheDeSade

Oh yes! .. . what a densely packed mass of images. Layer on layer of emotion, image and an almost pleading need to be heard and understood. I like it. But I would ask one question? Did you consider beginning the poem with the same stanza with which you ended?

that would work most wonderfully TheDeSade. I did think of it, but at the same time taking the second repetition out, thinking there would be too much and I was not happy with only the loss of this...but with the three...perhaps it lends a clearer picture and is not too much. let me try this here...

opening her mouth
she wordlessly keens
a zephyrs scream;
feral wet wind
whistling tendered leaves
seeking liberty

an escalation of heartbeat,
manifestation to predatory,
captured unyielding
amid denseness of trees,
senses flayed reckless,
wanton in saturation

opening her mouth
she wordlessly keens
a zephyrs scream;
feral wet wind
whistling tendered leaves
in chorded starvation

lapping wetness,
to collide dreams complete
seeking sovereignty
on this haunted hallowed eve.
The full moon pitched,
tripped and heaved

to sigh and wither into liquid
stirring scarlet wisps satiny
black, coiling
in repressed aggression
eyes of panther piercing ease
plundering with eternity

opening her mouth
she wordlessly keens
a zephyrs scream;
feral wet wind
whistling tendered leaves
seeking liberty.

thank you
10-23-2006
Echoes

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricBadger

I really like the images, great job Echoes -- though I have to admit I don't follow it at all, but then maybe I'm not meant to?

EB, I would love it if you or anyone could follow or understand...sometimes I only understand the picture I paint and emotions and desire behind words, but not the words themselves...yet each word is chosen carefully to express exactly what I feel and give. Have you ever tried to capture the wind and tame her? Much like an echo I fear, a feat almost improbable, but possible. Thank you :rose:
10-23-2006
TheDeSade

[opening her mouth
she wordlessly keens
a zephyrs scream;

YES!. . . . the repetition of that line drives home what I perceive to be the core of this piece. Everything else ties back to the image it evokes. It rocks!
10-25-2006
Echoes

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheDeSade

YES!. . . . the repetition of that line drives home what I perceive to be the core of this piece. Everything else ties back to the image it evokes. It rocks!

I love your passion and it was immense joy to dance with you amongst words and emotions. I have not done this before and thank you for showing me this.
10-25-2006
Echoes

EB and Talia

Thank you EB and Talia for reaffirming this was entirely a different poem and opening it for discussion and invigorating my mind. :)
10-26-2006
moptop

Dear Lord, echoes, you weave magic with your words. I can't at present decide about the re-work; I like the repetition start/end, but I feel the inclusion of the third (middle) one as well is over-stating it... and yet, and yet... with each repetition, that one stanza's meaning and rythm changes in my mind, twisted and mutated each time by what has been said in between, and gradually becoming more elemental, harder to grasp until she whisks away... So I think it must work!

I'm sure you'll carry on working on this one a bit more, until you are happy and settled with its form. I think it is wonderful that you can interact with people here so successfully to mould your beautiful pieces.
10-27-2006
frankee

i have to agree with moptop...'you weave magic with your words'

Beautiful and passionate!
11-11-2006
cookiecat

"to sigh and wither into wet liquid" - i read this poem several times and enjoy the way you use words...this sentence particularly struck me...

thanks for sharing echoes!
11-27-2006
Echoes

thank you moptop, frankee, cookiecat for your kind words