It’s been ten months since I joined this forum, ten months of fun, amazing acquaintances and a sense of growing understanding about many things within bdsm. Even if I had spent some time on the scene before both online and in real life, this place is the first kinky forum where I’ve really and fully felt at home. An open and warm place where you find the room to xhow your drives, your thoughtsm your sense of fun, isn’t that what we all long to find?
Now and then, you get to hear that you’re “mysterious” , “decadent” or “special” as if this community didn’t abound with special people. One special factor though, that is well-known to some here – and to most of my close friends around the place – is this…*drumroll*: Biologically speaking, I’m not a female, but a male. Louise is a trans, a crossdressing person. I’m not planning any kind of surgery, and in vanilla terms she is, well, a guy. Admittedly it will be a surprise, a shock or a delight to quite a few people here, so the first thing to say is I was totally open with it from the start.
As I wrote down a few words to introduce myself on the main Welcome thread last summer, I made no bones about it, but added I wanted to be seen as a woman on the forum, seen as a woman sub, gender speaking, not as a male sub (like it or not, that’s a very different role).and nor as somebody wandering between the two. And right up till Christmas last year, it said on my public profile “mtf trans slut” (male-to-female). The reason I changed this and covered the tracks a bit was there started arriving some pm’s which were just titillated and curious. Maybe some more of that kind will be coming after changing the profile back, but it matters more to get this straight (and before posting this, a final move was to change a few points on my profile)
It’s mattered very much to be honest to what I feel like as a submissive, to explore new ground, and to get close to you people. It wasn’t something made up on the spur of the moment, and as I’d been into trans for a few years – and knew even before that I had it in me - coming across here en femme seemed to be the one way to achieve this. There was no other option: when I found this forum it was plain to me if I registered, it would be with a female nick and showing the kind of thoughts, habits, fantasies, moods that dressing up makes me get into. It’s not that complicated: wearing a skirt, hose, make-up and a nice looking top tilts me towards another side as a person, just like most people here will feel hotter and more uninhibited and stylish if wearing latex, a Domly costume or anything else that makes you feel hot. To some people I’ve shared this deeply personal point with it’s tight and true, nothing to argue; to others it comes out more or less offensive.
So why go to those lengths when you’re not provided with “the real thing” – tits, pussy, a female voice? For one thing, I don’t feel attracted to the male sub role as it most often looks: a well-trimmed, strongly muscular guy who agrees to be physically dominated and humiliated by his Dom or Domme. Muscular display is often a major thing about men slaves, isn’t it? The point being that his beautiful muscles have been surrendered to the Dominant. I have no trouble with those who are into this, it just isn’t my thing – and it would work less well to act as if that role didn’t exist, as if you could just start from scratch. Sorry, you can’t…Even in vanilla life, there are some things about the way you’re “supposed to run things” as a male that don’t come with 100% ease to me: like it or not, as a straight male going for success you’re supposed to be brash, unemotional (except to your very closest), something of a lawnmower in conversation instead of listening etc. The feel and range of submission that has a pull on me is very definitely of a female kind, so I’ve chosen to work from that full on here, whether it’s been in talking and scening with people or in doing writing and RPing. In the words of a poet of my language, “No one can choose the star they were born under, you have to follow it.”
The way things have opened up between me and people here is precious to me and the idea isn’t to change the tack of how I’m writing, sharing things, taking part here. Being into this kind of gender bending is one thing and takes some extra work, but we don’t always show off our everyday selves here, do we? I’m not thinking of changing Louise, as she/I now known to you, into any other than a female submissive. Her slutty, sensuous, alluring style is a vital part of me.
I’ve been open with this, sooner or later, with close friends here on the forum. And most people here, so I hope, will see it’s with the personality we come across here, not just with bare physiological facts.. Still, I don’t deny some of you may have different kinds of appreciation of this – not just about me, but about getting to know people in an online D/s context. I’d say it’s a pretty common experience when you move along web forums like this that what people see dpesn’t seem to be more than a restricted profile, or even a shadow of who you are. Communicating online can be anything but easy, so this thread is open now to any kind of sane discussion about this turnaround of mine, and about the wider issues of how much of “raw facts” is needed to know, to build trust in somebody you meet on the web.
