Louise bares it all

[gagged_Louise]

It’s been ten months since I joined this forum, ten months of fun, amazing acquaintances and a sense of growing understanding about many things within bdsm. Even if I had spent some time on the scene before both online and in real life, this place is the first kinky forum where I’ve really and fully felt at home. An open and warm place where you find the room to xhow your drives, your thoughtsm your sense of fun, isn’t that what we all long to find?

Now and then, you get to hear that you’re “mysterious” , “decadent” or “special” as if this community didn’t abound with special people. One special factor though, that is well-known to some here – and to most of my close friends around the place – is this…*drumroll*: Biologically speaking, I’m not a female, but a male. Louise is a trans, a crossdressing person. I’m not planning any kind of surgery, and in vanilla terms she is, well, a guy. Admittedly it will be a surprise, a shock or a delight to quite a few people here, so the first thing to say is I was totally open with it from the start.
As I wrote down a few words to introduce myself on the main Welcome thread last summer, I made no bones about it, but added I wanted to be seen as a woman on the forum, seen as a woman sub, gender speaking, not as a male sub (like it or not, that’s a very different role).and nor as somebody wandering between the two. And right up till Christmas last year, it said on my public profile “mtf trans slut” (male-to-female). The reason I changed this and covered the tracks a bit was there started arriving some pm’s which were just titillated and curious. Maybe some more of that kind will be coming after changing the profile back, but it matters more to get this straight (and before posting this, a final move was to change a few points on my profile)


It’s mattered very much to be honest to what I feel like as a submissive, to explore new ground, and to get close to you people. It wasn’t something made up on the spur of the moment, and as I’d been into trans for a few years – and knew even before that I had it in me - coming across here en femme seemed to be the one way to achieve this. There was no other option: when I found this forum it was plain to me if I registered, it would be with a female nick and showing the kind of thoughts, habits, fantasies, moods that dressing up makes me get into. It’s not that complicated: wearing a skirt, hose, make-up and a nice looking top tilts me towards another side as a person, just like most people here will feel hotter and more uninhibited and stylish if wearing latex, a Domly costume or anything else that makes you feel hot. To some people I’ve shared this deeply personal point with it’s tight and true, nothing to argue; to others it comes out more or less offensive.

So why go to those lengths when you’re not provided with “the real thing” – tits, pussy, a female voice? For one thing, I don’t feel attracted to the male sub role as it most often looks: a well-trimmed, strongly muscular guy who agrees to be physically dominated and humiliated by his Dom or Domme. Muscular display is often a major thing about men slaves, isn’t it? The point being that his beautiful muscles have been surrendered to the Dominant. I have no trouble with those who are into this, it just isn’t my thing – and it would work less well to act as if that role didn’t exist, as if you could just start from scratch. Sorry, you can’t…Even in vanilla life, there are some things about the way you’re “supposed to run things” as a male that don’t come with 100% ease to me: like it or not, as a straight male going for success you’re supposed to be brash, unemotional (except to your very closest), something of a lawnmower in conversation instead of listening etc. The feel and range of submission that has a pull on me is very definitely of a female kind, so I’ve chosen to work from that full on here, whether it’s been in talking and scening with people or in doing writing and RPing. In the words of a poet of my language, “No one can choose the star they were born under, you have to follow it.”

The way things have opened up between me and people here is precious to me and the idea isn’t to change the tack of how I’m writing, sharing things, taking part here. Being into this kind of gender bending is one thing and takes some extra work, but we don’t always show off our everyday selves here, do we? I’m not thinking of changing Louise, as she/I now known to you, into any other than a female submissive. Her slutty, sensuous, alluring style is a vital part of me.

I’ve been open with this, sooner or later, with close friends here on the forum. And most people here, so I hope, will see it’s with the personality we come across here, not just with bare physiological facts.. Still, I don’t deny some of you may have different kinds of appreciation of this – not just about me, but about getting to know people in an online D/s context. I’d say it’s a pretty common experience when you move along web forums like this that what people see dpesn’t seem to be more than a restricted profile, or even a shadow of who you are. Communicating online can be anything but easy, so this thread is open now to any kind of sane discussion about this turnaround of mine, and about the wider issues of how much of “raw facts” is needed to know, to build trust in somebody you meet on the web.

[cariad]

Smiles and huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs Louise.

*Embracing my friend for all of whom she is*

cariad

[violet girl{MM}]

*smiles and hugs sis tightly*
Very brave, sis...
*smiles at her in admiration*

[^firefly^]

Louise,

First, *HUGS*.
Second, I'm in awe. You have always been one of the most fascinating people I've met in my brief time here. Now I know, without a doubt, you are also one of the bravest. Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us.
Finally, I think your ability to communicate, to share yourself online, is one of your greatest strengths. I think we all show aspects of ourselves, and your ability to open up the wider lens and share a bit of the bigger picture with us is inspiring.
Keep following that star, hon! Hugs and support are always here, when you need them.

[pixie_dust]

*hugs and applause for your courage and self-confidence*

Keep being who you are, and I keep admiring that stunning av of yours!

[Alex Bragi]

louise, you're the same person to me no matter what is, or isn't between your legs. *ss*

[tessa]

Hugs and more hugs for my friend.

tessa

[MMI]

To louise-ungagged.

Thanks for that posting. I shall take time to re-read it later, but I wanted to say now how I admire your frankness. I have said elsewhere how important I think honesty is, and I think you have illustrated personally why it is an absolute necessity between people in any kind of relationship (except con and mark!)

Once again - thanks.

MMI

[gagged_Louise]

*takes a bow and looks around the circle of friends* Damn I'm near overwhelmed. Thanks all of you, especially firefly to whom it was news and violet, you beloved sister and accomplice. *love all of you*

Louise, proud female submissive

[gloombunny]

Neat.

Small request: could you maybe not use "mtf" to describe yourself? That term is kind of, uh, taken.

[anonymouse]

Hi Louise,

*hugs* here too!

It's very courageous for you to speak out as you have, and I applaud you for it.

If you're not already aware of her, I recommend Judith Butler's book "Gender Troubles". In it, she says gender and desire are flexible and free-floating:

"There is no gender identity behind the expressions of gender.... identity is performatively constituted by the very expressions that are said to be its results. i.e. gender is a performance; it's what you do at particular times, rather than a universal who you are."

Another feminist author (Angela MacRobbie) has this to say:

"Feminism is about who you want to be - and finding out who you are in the first place."

I think that speaks to a wider audience than just women.

Anyway, it's a pleasure (still) to know you.

anonymouse

[Mishka]

(((hugs))) Louise. From your first pm I've thought "what an amazing woman", and there's no change. It's only words on your profile.

[Warbaby1943]

Thanks for posting this thread.

[TomOfSweden]

You're still a lady Louise. But now you're a brave lady.

[caligirl{Rob}]

smiles and big hugs to you! and i look so forward to chasing ya around the fun n games more!
hugs!
cali

[Rhabbi]

Louise,

I have not been here that long, and never really pay much attention to things around me half the time anyway, but it is nice to know more about you. I echo the other posts here about you and your bravery, and want to commend you for speaking up even though you know there will be those here who will find you outside of their comfort zone.

[StillBehindBlueEyes]

Giggles, now I understand a couple of things.

I must admit to looking at your profile reading it, then forgetting because I just enjoyed you, not your sex.

I'm very proud of you for your post. Kisses to a great writing partner.
Sbbe

[~hellish one~]

I must admit to looking at your profile reading it, then forgetting because I just enjoyed you, not your sex.

gotta say i'm with Sbbe here...i knew it, but never really thought much about it. ~hugs~

[gagged_Louise]

Thanks Sbbe, I was almost certain you were in the know and just didn't bother to tell you. I'm enjoying you so much as a writing/playing partner and yes, we do seem to share some favourite images of bound female humiliation.

Tom - special thanks for your reply. We may not be completely at one when it comes to using an online persona, but it's great to see your generous appreciation that this is something that comes from within.

Caligirl - yep, I'll be after you too, and feel free to act a male character subjugating me and forcing me to suck him off and do his will.

Warmest thanks to all the people posting here, none forgotten. You're really proving that this is a nice and intimate community.

[coookie]

Louise, i have not really known you until recently when playing word games with you (which by the way you excel at and are sometimes too quick for me) and my general impression of you had been an intelligent, well-spoken and classy lady. Nothing has changed. I, thus far, have found the library to be filled with wonderful and accepting people. It is a good place to be and in my opinion a very safe place to be who you are. Looking forward to more games.

[Aussiegirl1]

I too now remember knowing this when you first joined the forum, but like SBBE, it was your posts that interested me and it faded from my mind. I still commend you though for sharing so much more about yourself in this thread. We all strive to be understood by others, especially those we are close to. You have lots of special friends here who accept you for who you are! How much more can anyone want?

Best wishes
Aussiegirl

[slaveangel{HM}]

As I have said to you in pm and also in YIM, you are still the same person, the same loyal friend and games buddy, that I knew and adored even before this thread was posted. Nothing has changed on this end. *hugs*

Yes this community is great isn't it? *smiles*

[Pertez]

A big Respect to you Louise for your courage

[riverwindsong]

Honey...I admire and respect you for living your life as you choose, and always have. And now, I have one more reason for admiring you - your courage. Thank you for sharing your story. You are a great person - inside and out - and I am so grateful I know you. Don't ever change! *big hugs*

[DungeonMaster6]

Louise,

You told me you were going to do this, and I'm glad for you. I admit when I first suspected your gender, I was a bit taken aback. Afterall, we are doing an rp as man and wife, but as I told you in a pm, we should keep that going. Which means as far as I'm concerned, you're a female! So we'll just keep on keepin on!

HUGS!!
DM