Questions for all the Doms and Dommes ?

To answer the main thread...
My husband and I have been progressively taking things to new levels in our new bdsm life. We only do sessions on occassion, and when we do I'm his Mistress. At first I was very squeemish. I had no idea what I was doing in our bedroom play, and when he expressed his desire to be humiliated I was scared. Terrified that I would mentally break him or that he'd hate me for name calling him, but the more I thought about it the more I realized I wasn't really embracing the Domme side of me. Because from the first time he told me about his desires I was soaking wet with desire. When I finally decided to go all out and humiliate him... There's a switch that's flipped inside me when I'm his Mistress. I go from being my strong independant self with a dead end job and a house to clean and a son to take care of and trying to be the perfect wife.... And I just let go. I let everything that's going on with me mentally/physically and I become this sexual sadist/predator that doesn't give a fuck what any one person wants. That totally focuses on what I want and then allow my bitch to do a small thing that he wants. Like undo one hand from the bed restraints so he can touch me for 5 secinds wherever he wants after I've face fucked him until he almost vomits. Or allow him to choose where he's tied down when he comes after I've fucked his ass with a strap on until he cried making me climax so hard I had to take a 3 minute break and leave him tied up bent over our hotel bed. I have done/said things while being Mistress that I had NO CLUE I even knew about. Like cucking... I had no idea how hot I thought it would be until he was gagged and bound, and I was whispering wickedly how the only thing he would ever be good for is my fluffer. I love how much trust he has in me that I won't go too far, and at the same time hopes I do new things and go too far. It makes me feel like an even stronger person. I'm on such a power high that I can't come down for days.

Hope that helped :)

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Originally Posted by damyanti

How do you as dom/mes handle and or deal with the responsibility (of being one)? Does it ever get too much? Or do you enjoy it, responsibility and or control?

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Right before a session I am damn near always scared. Even though I know he wants me to do wixked things to him, there's always a small fear that I'll be in control when something goes wrong. That's always scary. But it also adds to the build up of the whole thing. Just because We Dom/es walk around with confidence and act like we know eactly what we're going to do, doesn't mean we don't love our subs and don't worry for them.

how do I feel, when I am dominating another?......hmmmm I guess the first two words that come to mind are... power and responsibility. When one takes that leap of faith and submits and Wwe both get to feel that power exchange, it is indeed a strong, and intense sensation. Of having that power, of leading and having her follow. Yet there is also a sense of responsibility. Something that comes with the ability of dominating another. For Me, there is a definite line between dominating and domineering- a line that I have no desire to cross. And so, while I WILL lead, while I WILL dominate, while I will experience the power exchange, I will also at the same time remember to to responsible.


shrugs, wondering if that made any sense...

_Odysseus

I can only post this because he isn't here to read it.

Don't tell him, but it's all about him.

His little gasp, his little squeak, his deep moan when his eyes disappear into the back of his head when I know I've "gotten it right" (a phrase I've heard many Dominants use; it is for me the prime goal and the most difficult thing to attain), is everything.

The pressure to create is immense. I am the artist, he is the canvas. If I don't do anything, nothing happens. The tendency to repeat makes life difficult because if I've done this before, then he knows what's coming, and that gets boring very quickly. My focus is on his sensation- he needs to know I'm there, he needs to feel my power, he needs to know my control.

What do I need? Mmmmmm...his submission is so delicious; his agreement that yes, he wants this, yes, he craves this, when I put my hand to his body and he moves towards me no matter what may come; he isn't tied because I forced him there, but because he went there willingly.

When I look down at him all tied up with ropes and he gazes up at me with adoration, not fear, that is what makes my heart melt. To have him totally under my power, completely at my mercy, would all mean nothing without his complete and total trust. His trust is what makes him so precious.

In summary, what is going through my mind the whole time are my concerns about what is going through his mind. What he's feeling, what he's thinking. He is not allowed to keep feelings from me, he is not allowed to keep thoughts from me; I cannot create a work of art that is beautiful for us both if he is withholding information. I cannot trust him that he consents if he keeps thoughts to himself.

This is absolutely impossible to explain *sigh*

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Originally Posted by Jennifer Williams

This is absolutely impossible to explain *sigh*

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I think you explained your thoughts and feelings quite well. :)

Oh. Well, thank you. :)

what goes thru My mind?

hmmmmmm. The obvious is the control thing.That makes Me feel good. To know that I have the ability to control another. There is also a heightened sense of responsibility. Making sure that the outcome of the session is what I want, and not an unforeseen incident.

But what I really like and look for is the ability to have her focus entirely on Me. To leave all stray thoughts aside. To have her lose her inhibitions, to lose all limits and even rational thinking. To simply DO as she is told..................gosh thats such a turn on!

-Odysseus

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His little gasp, his little squeak, his deep moan when his eyes disappear into the back of his head when I know I've "gotten it right" (a phrase I've heard many Dominants use; it is for me the prime goal and the most difficult thing to attain), is everything.

The pressure to create is immense. I am the artist, he is the canvas. If I don't do anything, nothing happens. The tendency to repeat makes life difficult because if I've done this before, then he knows what's coming, and that gets boring very quickly. My focus is on his sensation- he needs to know I'm there, he needs to feel my power, he needs to know my control.

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Jennifer -- you completely put into words how I feel about My Pet when it comes to the bedroom. I love testing and pushing limits, but only because I know she loves when I do it. I am not doing this for Myself, but for her reaction...it is her reaction that is such a turn-on to Me. I love to make her squirm, whether it be from pain (I am a bit of a sadist) or pleasure (though that's sadistic too), and my favorite thing to force on her is the "talking rule". This rule, basically, entails that she speak throughout the entire experience, telling me when I'm doing something she likes, what she wants, etc. My mind needs that, because I need to feel as though I'm in total, complete control.

I have so little control over most of my life that knowing that I can silence her with a word or a look is precious. Not because I want to be mean, or cruel, but because that feeling of relief that comes with being in charge is so immense, and because I know she appreciates and understands that and is willing to submit to me in part to help me ease the strain of feeling worthless and powerless.

But mostly what's going through my head when she's tied to the bed is: what can I do to get her to make that delicious moaning noise? ;)

I think the other doms have covered most of how I feel; the pride, the sexual rush, the connectedness, the feeling like a king. The only I'd like to add is that I feel an incredible amount of focus when I hit my space. I have the kind of brain that never really stops thinking, quite beyond my conscious direction- when I go into my dom space, it's one of the very few times that it focuses on one thing: this moment I'm sharing with my pet. For someone who's accustomed to three or more fairly unrelated trains of thought at any one time, it's really wonderfully peaceful.

I haven't played in long enough that this thread actually brings back a lot. I'm not unaccustomed to the feeling of power and responsibility in daily life, nor being the center of attention. So I don't particularly notice those things during a scene... they're just not "different" from what I'm often feeling anyway.

A lot of what I do feel though is dependent on what we're doing. For instance if we were to go out and she had a plug in her ass, what I'm feeling most of the time is a sense of amusement. I think that's true most of the time I'm acting as a Dom not in an actual setting. Seeing the reaction to commands, or watching her squirm for no apparent reason, and knowing something nobody else in the room knows... and most would be shocked by. That for me is both insanely arousing and amusing.

Most of the time I feel a deep affection for my sub, and that plays into the mixture of fear and... what Jenn said, it being all about her. Despite the attitude that she's "there for my pleasure", really, nothing is more important to me than that she enjoys the experience. I want her to like it, I want her to ask for more, and to want to do it again, and I want her to be satisfied at the end of it.

My biggest fears are something going wrong and hurting her, and at the end of it hearing something like "Well, that wasn't very good." The last is probably closely related to the same sexual fear almost every guy has though, I imagine.

Also, during after care... I get this incredibly sense of emotional peace. Like I've broken down some of the emotional support in my sub, and there's this need emanating from them for additional support and love. It's really comforting to me to be that support after a scene, it makes me calm and incredibly happy. I think it allays my personal vanilla insecurities, which seem to disappear in a scene, and for a while afterwards.

Thank you for your compliments Mallory; going along with what you said and also WyldWyl's comment, I have to agree that there is nothing quite as stress relieving as dominating a scene. I find my mind become so sharply focused on my sub so that all the worries of the day vanish and I no longer care about them; I care only about him and getting those delicious noises (and other reactions). And then afterwards, like social_dan said, the way he cuddles like he needs me for his very being to survive; oh, it's precious beyond words.

Also Mallory, I like the idea of your "talking rule", but I know I could never get that to be successful out of my little one; he's not so very good at talking in the first place and then once we start a session, whatever verbal skills he had dissipate like smoke.

He has lots of different other noises he makes, though, which are almost like words in themselves.

When I have my kitten completely in my control. I feel completely aroused and occupied. Its like a torrent of ideas as to what I can do...in new ways to mold and shape her to be the slave and slut I need her to be.
I think of ways to tease her and how to make her beg that much more...its increidble.

i would just like to thank everyone who posted to this, i drive Him a bit crazy with questions so its awesome for me to see others ask the questions i have and others answer them.

I touch the deepest part of her soul, her true self comes out, she has no fear, no thought of shame, just her, her heart and her true self, a true Master opens the soul of he,s or hers slave, sub, bottom, pet, giving them the honesty to be who they are.. this may not be what I am thinking, but what I strive for