Under New Management or Meeting A New Dom

Master,
I will not disobey you. I am sorry and ashame at causing you concern.

Your humbled Jade

Saracen, Jade --

I want you both to know how much I appreciate what you both -- you especially, Jade, because of your constancy and openness -- are doing here.

By sharing your efforts, respect, and love for one another so openly, it's a big help to those of us who are new to D/s to listen in on your interaction.

So ... thanks.

I'm curious, Jade, what were you thinking to push yourself so hard. When I read what you planned to do with the clamps a couple of days ago, I wondered if you were Wonder Woman, or were deliberately pushing yourself too hard for some reason I didn't pick up.


her_Joe

Her_joe,
I really don’t know what to say. So I will say thank you, it seems the safest thing to do at the moment. I am not having a good day and my openness does not feel like a good thing to me at present.

I to am new to D/s as well. I joined the forum in January and read everything I could. I did find the BDSM library stories were mostly not to my taste. Some of them even made me feel sick so I don’t read them any more. By March I had made many friends and was exploring both my submissive and dominant sides. I spent much more time on my Domme side but my first master helped me open up enough so that exploring my submissive side didn’t seem alien to me or wrong. He was also the one who taught me that by sharing my experiences with others I would see I was not alone and others would understand my needs. My needs soon turned to wanting to explore pain which was not something that my first master enjoyed or maybe he realized I would be to hard to train in this area. I am not sure at this point. Saracen and I are just starting our relationship as Dom/sub. And as you can tell what I think will please and make Saracen proud of me is having the exact opposite effect.

I was thinking about completing my task as my Master had requested. If I had been Wonder Woman I would not have had to back off on the tension. The question is why was it so important to me. Saracen and I only have one day a week where we can be with each other for him to watch and train me. It was going to be a present to Saracen since we would not be together for a couple of weeks. I actually spent much of yesterday trying to figure out how I could wear the clamps for over an hour successfully without so much pain and not causing any damage to my nipples. As you can see my Master was not happy that I did not remove my clamps when the pain became intense. The fact is by not removing them I upset him and ruin my present altogether. Saracen and I chatted on MSN last night and I will not be finishing this task. Not because of the pain but because I can’t do it knowing I have displeased him already in performing the task.

I am glad if our sharing helps others. I know when others share with me it is a great gift. Learning about one’s needs and desires is sometimes extremely hard and very emotional. The fact that there are others out there doing the same thing gives me strength to continue learning about myself.

Saracen has made it perfectly clear that any pain training will be done under his direct supervision. The purpose of any other tasks assigned when he is not around are for preparation and focus only.

Jade

Thank you, Jade. Your explanation is a great help.

Your mistakes remind me of some made by my sub, His_pita, and me also. I think when something is new, and we want to succeed, we tend to try a bit too hard. pita has been very good lately, but our relationship doesn't allow me to push her harder either, and leaving it to her ... well, we both learn patience and trust.

Now I'll get out of your thread, but know that many of us are lurking and wish you well .... and continued success.

her_Joe

Her_joe,
Please do not go back to lurking. The thread is not mine but belongs to everyone on the forum. By sharing your thoughts with me to have given me hope that I can learn to truly please Saracen. I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out why everything I do seems to back fire when all I really want to do is serve and please him. You have helped to relieve some of the doubts I am having about being able to fulfill his needs and I desperately needed some hope right now.

Jade

Thank you

Ruby I posted more in the other forum but I just wanted to thank you for the life lesson you showed me when you were with Nathanile. I adore you.

I have to thank Ruby for allowing me to see how she interacts with her Nathaniel. They have so much fun together that it made me realize I was holding back a part of myself from Saracen. I take everything so seriously and worry so much that I was not enjoying Saracen’s company as much as I could have. We even had a serious conversation about punishment. I told him I knew one day he would probably have too. He started teasing me that he really didn’t need a reason to punish me if that was what he felt like doing at the time. I got serious on him again. I told him I would rather take pain knowing it was for his pleasure rather than thinking it was because I displeased him. Saracen didn’t undertand why I worried about it. He has never punished me. I tried to explain that disappointing him hurt worst than the zipper and that I would rather do the zipper than have him say he is disappointed in me. Then I teased him and said you noticed I didn’t mention the nasty alligator clips. Saracen mentioned something about my mouth being an inspiration for ideas. I couldn’t help but laughing. I had done it again and he was laughing too. So I told Saracen if he felt the dreaded “D” word coming to let me know and I would say zipper. In the back of my mind I must have known it was possible that he could have the need to hurt me emotionally. I have seen other Doms do it. I was just too afraid to ask him if he had that need as well. Now I know Saracen would never hurt me like that on purpose. We had a great time teasing one another once I realized that Saracen would not use my emotions against me. My trust in him has grown. Now Saracen can tease and make me squirm and I can enjoy his wonderful but evil sense of humor.

Thank you Master for a wonderful night. Please remember patience is a virture which I am sadly lacking in. :p Please don't keep me on CD for to long. I may end up being bad. :o

Saracen’s Jade

Jade,

And I adore you. You are an amazing woman, taking everything challenge that comes your way at full force.

I'm going to put the rest of this Nathaniel's and my thread
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3419

Thank you for setting such a beautiful example.

Ruby

What progress you have made! I'm so proud of you!