hmmmm

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Originally Posted by thrall

right..got all that, Tom....love you.......great big hugs!

but the question is....... why dont the men post pics....any pics...of themselves???

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I think it is because I think most of them are cowards.

edit: Maybe this needs more of an explanation. Men have more testosterone so they get more aggressive. Aggression is often seen as bravery, but I think it is the opposite. It's an altered state of consciousness to avoid mental stress. Even fighting and getting your ass kicked can avoid mental stress because of the pain, (ie endorphins).

Anyway... men are very often allowed to get away with owning up to their emotional conflicts as kids simply by becoming aggressive. And this carries over as they grow up. That's why I think men are a lot more often cowards than women.

anyway... that's what I did when I was a kid. I like to think that I grew out of it.... which is not allowing my life to be ruled by fear. Fear of what others will think. Obviously I feel fear all the time. I just try to control it best I can.

<--- There is Me. It has been there for a long time now.
I got better pics of me that I have shown some of you here but I dont really feel the need to show myself either.
On another point. Tom. I am willing to bet that you would be one interesting guy to have around for a long dinner and some wine.
I truely appreciate your long posts and thoughts!

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Originally Posted by Logic1

<--- There is Me. It has been there for a long time now.
I got better pics of me that I have shown some of you here but I dont really feel the need to show myself either.
On another point. Tom. I am willing to bet that you would be one interesting guy to have around for a long dinner and some wine.
I truely appreciate your long posts and thoughts!

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Come up to Stockholm and you'll find out for yourself. I'll show you the limited kinky scene we have going here.

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Originally Posted by TomOfSweden

What could you possibly lose by posting a non nude passport style photo here? Anything?

We're not talking nude pictures here. I'm not showing my penis in any of my pics, am I? This is really not a big deal. Everybody has a digital camera. So you can't blame it on the effort. If you have issues about posting your picture here you are hiding something. It could be shame about your perceived ugliness, shyness or something similar. Are you afraid somebody in the real world you know might share your interest, (otherwise they wouldn't be here)? Well, good!

But for fucks sake, don't pretend like it isn't! Like it's some kind of honourable statement or something someone of your astute character wouldn't stoop to. It's just offensive to me that anyone would even remotely consider the possibility that I could fall for such a stupid excuse. I mean..."much more excitement in allowing ones own mind to create the imagery"... wow!!! Rampant self-deceit if I ever saw it. No, that's not what it is about at all. It's just a photo!

It's not a question of being obsessed by seeing an image. It's a nice thing. I don't really care that much if I get to see a picture of anybody here. It's your mind I'm interested in. But a photo is always nice.

So you think you look bad in photos? Welcome to the human race. We all think we look worse in photos than in "reality". Get over it.

Do you think you're too over-weight to be liked? Even if it were true that somebody you like aren't attracted to some cushioning, its good to get that out of the way as early as possible, isn't it? What would you prefer being rejected by a guy you've got something serious going with or somebody you simply fancy.

It really isn't a big deal.

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*applauds*

Thank you Tom!

I know many have talked about having their images stolen - for what?? and who cares? You're the only one who owns the face that belongs to the photos.

For me personally, the only person's opinion that I care about is my daughter's and since I'm completely open and honest with her, I have nothing to hide from anyone.

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Originally Posted by TomOfSweden

It really isn't a big deal.

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Perhaps not to you, but to some it is a big deal. This is freedom of choice, no? I had a mental image of you, Tom, from your posts, then I saw your pics.

[QUOTE=mastersgem;678592For me personally, the only person's opinion that I care about is my daughter's and since I'm completely open and honest with her, I have nothing to hide from anyone.[/QUOTE]

I think it's wonderful that you have an open and honest relationship with your daughter. And I'm sure she's proud of your most recent photo shoot. The pics are amazing and so are you; however, not all of us are as free and open with relatives, friends, co-workers. It's not that they might be browsing this site, but someone they know might be and... "hey is this your mom, aunt, friend, teacher, mayor, etc?" Again, not posting a pic is freedom of choice.

Still, I'm off topic, as usual. hehe Yeah, I agree with Tom and gemmy - you Doms start posting some pics. We submissives want to know what we're getting into. lol

p.s. guess I'll never get that multi-quote thing right. lol

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Originally Posted by blythespirit

Perhaps not to you, but to some it is a big deal. This is freedom of choice, no? I had a mental image of you, Tom, from your posts, then I saw your pics.

I think it's wonderful that you have an open and honest relationship with your daughter. And I'm sure she's proud of your most recent photo shoot. The pics are amazing and so are you; however, not all of us are as free and open with relatives, friends, co-workers. It's not that they might be browsing this site, but someone they know might be and... "hey is this your mom, aunt, friend, teacher, mayor, etc?" Again, not posting a pic is freedom of choice.

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Which was exactly my point. I wrote this: "If you have issues about posting your picture here you are hiding something. It could be shame about your perceived ugliness, shyness or something similar."

You just said it yourself. You fear any repercussions you might experience from it getting out where you live that you're into hanky panky sex. Fine. I wasn't reacting to that. If I was a hot submissive chick in Afghanistan I wouldn't post my picture on-line no matter how much my Master commanded it. I mean... it's dangerous.

What I reacted to was those pretending like it wasn't. As if not seeing someone's picture was better somehow. I strongly doubt that anybody living in a western country could suffer any repercussions from posting pics here... but what do I know? I've never been to the Bible belt. For all I know the Christian Talebans might be as bad as their Afghani counterparts!?! If the wrong person accuses you of having posted your picture here.... just deny it. They could have found that picture anywhere. There's no extra brownie points for being truthful to morons. Again... this is assuming its an innocent picture.

...and your kids will always think you're silly and your sons friends will always think you're super hot, (if you're a lady). Who cares? At worst it'll be educational for them. But maybe I'm being overly modern now again? What seven year old today isn't already bored with seeing pictures of Japanese school girls spraying diarrhoea in each other's mouths? These are modern times. If you think any pics of you, (not specifically you) would be news worthy enough to be spread over the net, I think you're overestimating yourself.

Anyway.... you have to own up to the fact that the reason you don't post your pics is largely down to irrational fear. Nothing wrong with that. I've got an irrational fear of loads of things. But don't pretend like it isn't. We're all adults here. If you're not comfortable about something... don't do it. It's as simple as that. You don't have to make up some stupid cover story to hide behind. We all know the truth anyway.

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Originally Posted by blythespirit

Perhaps not to you, but to some it is a big deal. This is freedom of choice, no? I had a mental image of you, Tom, from your posts, then I saw your pics.



I think it's wonderful that you have an open and honest relationship with your daughter. And I'm sure she's proud of your most recent photo shoot. The pics are amazing and so are you; however, not all of us are as free and open with relatives, friends, co-workers. It's not that they might be browsing this site, but someone they know might be and... "hey is this your mom, aunt, friend, teacher, mayor, etc?" Again, not posting a pic is freedom of choice.

Still, I'm off topic, as usual. hehe Yeah, I agree with Tom and gemmy - you Doms start posting some pics. We submissives want to know what we're getting into. lol

p.s. guess I'll never get that multi-quote thing right. lol

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lol hunnie ;)

Agreed - it is a choice freely made or not. To each his/her own for sure.

I really originally started the thread because of guys like bradley who say "you will give me a photo or post a photo because I am Dom and you do whatever I say but I may or may not give you mine in return" bullshit. I was hoping some more of the real, honest Dom's would give some input as well.

We all post or don't post for our own reasons and we are all entitled to those reasons, but hiding behind them thinking you (not you personally hun) are more superior than anyone else is another matter entirely and I applauded Tom for being bold enough to put it out there ;)

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Originally Posted by TomOfSweden

I posted mine ages ago
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9438

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Bastard!!!!




!!!!!!!




LOL :cool:

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Originally Posted by thrall

right..got all that, Tom....love you.......great big hugs!

but the question is....... why dont the men post pics....any pics...of themselves???

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Why? LOL, because someone wouldn't approve my attachment.

Part of the effort to keep the server from crashing I suspect. ;)

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

Why? LOL, because someone wouldn't approve my attachment.

Part of the effort to keep the server from crashing I suspect. ;)

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Yeah... quite a number of my pics have been kicked out. I used to be a kinky party organizer, (up to just a few months ago). I owned the rights of the watermarked pics. They were still nuked every time no matter what I said. Really annoying. Anyhoo... this was long ago now. And this place is under new management.

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

Why? LOL, because someone wouldn't approve my attachment.

Part of the effort to keep the server from crashing I suspect. ;)

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lol Oz - ok checked your profile, tis not there either ;) - there are many places you can put it you know *giggles* (hmmm note to self: talk to Amber...) ;)

*whistles innocently*

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Originally Posted by TomOfSweden

Come up to Stockholm and you'll find out for yourself. I'll show you the limited kinky scene we have going here.

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I might take you up on that when me and my girl are passing through Stockholm later on this summer.
thanks for the invite :wave:

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Originally Posted by mastersgem

lol Oz - ok checked your profile, tis not there either ;) - there are many places you can put it you know *giggles* (hmmm note to self: talk to Amber...) ;)

*whistles innocently*

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Perhaps I shall when I return home.

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

Perhaps I shall when I return home.

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I look forward to seeing it and soliciting it ALL over the Internet ;) *giggles madly*

You can stick pictures in your profile--as your profile pic, avatar, or make a photo album.

You can stick pictures in any of the pictures threads in the Pictures area--though if they are of you, they go into Self Portraits.

There isn't a lack of places to put them, there's a lack of places to put them inside other forums *smiles* when they don't pertain to the thread topic enough for them to be approved (see my post about 3-5 days ago in this thread about that).

As for watermarked pics... if you can show legal proof to the site ownership that they are yours, you will probably be allowed to post them. Mods & Admins are on standing orders to delete all marked pictures (see Copyright blog located in Comments & Suggestions, inside the lonnnng thread about IP) for Copyright reasons. The site takes seriously any possible copyright infringments.

You can also post your pics in your messanger services, or on your own webpage, or on facebooks/myspace, etc.

There isn't a shortage of places to post your pics, there's just an excessive concentration gradient of excuses & whining...

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Originally Posted by TomOfSweden

Which was exactly my point. I wrote this: "If you have issues about posting your picture here you are hiding something. It could be shame about your perceived ugliness, shyness or something similar."

Yes, indeedy, that's what you wrote but that's hardly the same, in my opinon, as fearing the loss of job and family.

What I reacted to was those pretending like it wasn't. As if not seeing someone's picture was better somehow.

And yet somehow it is at times. (bites tongue) Maybe not to you, but there are some of us out there that truly want to know someone from the inside out.

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Sorry for interrupting this scheduled program. Back on topic. Some day, I promise to get this quote thing right. hehe

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Originally Posted by delia

There isn't a shortage of places to post your pics, there's just an excessive concentration gradient of excuses & whining...

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LOL, Not whining so much as teasing. weg ;)

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

LOL, Not whining so much as teasing. weg ;)

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Freakin tease!!

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Originally Posted by blythespirit

Sorry for interrupting this scheduled program. Back on topic. Some day, I promise to get this quote thing right. hehe

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lmao!

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

LOL, Not whining so much as teasing. weg ;)

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Yup - totally knew that's what you were doing :icon176:

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Originally Posted by blythespirit

Yes, indeedy, that's what you wrote but that's hardly the same, in my opinon, as fearing the loss of job and family.

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But nobody ever has, and you won't? Has this happened to anybody? Ever? How isn't this just pure paranoia? But I don't think it's paranoia. I think you're just being shy but not admitting it to yourself. There's nothing wrong with being shy. I think it is very cute in moderate doses. We've all been in a situation where we've been shy and had to over-come it. We can all empathise. Just admit it! You won't lose anything.

What are we truly attracted to in a person? Their strengths or their faults? We like to think we're attracted to a persons strengths, but its really not.. is it? We like our partners to be weak in some way. If they aren't we'd be useless. Then we wouldn't fill a function in your partners life. That's hardly being a partner is it? And it doesn't give any security, since we'd be replaceable like a pair of pants.

So you've got nothing fear, have you? Embrace your shyness. It's useless to deny it. It's not like anybody is going to think anything else are they? Either people will think that you're bullshitting or a little bit cute. What do you think will play to your advantage in the long run?

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Originally Posted by cadence

Freakin tease!!

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:D

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Originally Posted by TomOfSweden

But nobody ever has, and you won't? Has this happened to anybody? Ever? How isn't this just pure paranoia? But I don't think it's paranoia. I think you're just being shy but not admitting it to yourself. There's nothing wrong with being shy. I think it is very cute in moderate doses. We've all been in a situation where we've been shy and had to over-come it. We can all empathise. Just admit it! You won't lose anything.

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People don't like to admit to being shy because, much like submission, its often categorized, or at least they are worried it will be perceived, as being weak. Also people often equate being introverted as being shy or embarrassed because we live in an exhibitionist society that idolizes loud/brash/pushy extroverts as the most desirable model (though paradoxically such behavior often hides the biggest insecurities). Some people however just like to keep certain things private, special.

For a while I entertained putting my vanilla pic here just so you could enjoy my pocket size venus looks,:p. Lol.
All jokes aside, being happily committed I don't have the need nor the desire to attract anyone, but I always wanted to know what people truly think about me and why they react to the way I look the way they do. We did a similar experiment at the psychology class, it was a demonstration about how quickly we "box" people up. Professor showed us two face portraits and asked us to write a short opinion essay about what our conclusion is of those people, with no additional information, just by looking at their faces. I always wondered what if it had been my picture; and if I ask face-to-face I never believe the answer I get to be complete/honest/unbiased.

I discarded it for two reasons: one, I really, really, really, truly HATE having my picture taken (maybe one ever 2-3 years and thats when I absolutely cant say no); and two, to do that my Dom/husband would have to agree and lets just say he is of the type that likes certain things to be for His eyes only. (And I like it that he likes it that way.)

As to the original thread question why don't Doms post pics of themselves? My theory is that they are shy, lazy and some of them are just embarrassed of their pot bellies, :blurp_ani.

And Tom, you do have really nice eyebrows, :).

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Originally Posted by AdrianaAurora

People don't like to admit to being shy because, much like submission, its often categorized, or at least they are worried it will be perceived, as being weak. Also people often equate being introverted as being shy or embarrassed because we live in an exhibitionist society that idolizes loud/brash/pushy extroverts as the most desirable model (though paradoxically such behavior often hides the biggest insecurities). Some people however just like to keep certain things private, special.

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But we're all weak. All of us. First off it doesn't take many minutes of studying biology, astronomy or physics to figure out that there's not a hell of a lot keeping us alive, and there's plenty out there that "wants" to kill us.

Secondly, the perception of weakness is built into our species. That's what it means to be a social species. We're instinctually guided toward believing that we're better off solving problems together than alone.

It takes an insane amount of self delusion to believe that you're a one man/woman army capable of tolerating any rejection. But nobody outside of an insane assylum believes that of themselves. Not really. But that's not the issue really.

The issue is whether or not we think that other people really are and really feel strong. That's a question of insecurity. We can know things without feeling it in our heart.

If you have a problem with it just take your lipstick and write this on your bathroom mirror so you'll see it every morning before work: "Everybody are always longing to be accepted and encouraged by those they respect, just like you are." It's only the type of encouragement we respond to that sets us apart.

All the "loud/brash/pushy extroverts" are all faking security. Just like you, just like me... just like everybody else. The only thing that separates us is how good we are at faking. There's no such thing as a person being in a state of harmony... Yes there is... a dead person.

I had heard somewhere that we start to form opinions of people that we meet within 15 seconds of first seeing them.

This means that we must use looks to assist us in this process.

I don't like it when people think they know me or make judgments about and on me without knowing the real me, all of me, as such I would rather get to know someone fully, and have them reciprocate this.

it is a really irritates me when people start to think they know me, as a result of their limited contact and their impressions of me based upon how I look. Ask and I will tell all!

Which is another of the reasons why I removed my picture from my profile page, if someone wants to learn more about or understand me & find out who I really am, they can ask, as has been said We none of us have anything to prove, and I am certainly confident enough in the strength and depth of my character to make new friends and acquaintances; without having to rely upon my looks.

it is one of the reasons I picked the Avatar that I have.

Quote:

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I don't like it when people think they know me or make judgments about and on me without knowing the real me, all of me, as such I would rather get to know someone fully, and have them reciprocate this.

it is a really irritates me when people start to think they know me, as a result of their limited contact and their impressions of me based upon how I look. Ask and I will tell all!

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It is impossible to set out and fully get to know every person we meet, our brains would overload so we prioritize and discard to the best of our abilities. It isn't right, just or politically correct - its a survival mechanism. I do agree with you that its irritating and frustrating.

Quote:

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But we're all weak. All of us. First off it doesn't take many minutes of studying biology, astronomy or physics to figure out that there's not a hell of a lot keeping us alive, and there's plenty out there that "wants" to kill us.

Secondly, the perception of weakness is built into our species. That's what it means to be a social species. We're instinctually guided toward believing that we're better off solving problems together than alone.

It takes an insane amount of self delusion to believe that you're a one man/woman army capable of tolerating any rejection. But nobody outside of an insane assylum believes that of themselves. Not really. But that's not the issue really.The issue is whether or not we think that other people really are and really feel strong. That's a question of insecurity.

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I wasn’t really talking about biology.

Salman Rushdie once said that each of us is three persons in one - how we perceive ourselves, how other people perceive us and how we really are.

We live in a society where perception is everything and people buy into it. You said it yourself that its more socially acceptable to come out as a Dom than as a submissive. Why?
If you told people who know me that I am into BDSM, 70% of them would bet their lives that I am a Domme. If we are talking just about my work place, that percentage rises to 98-99%.
Because, if, hypothetically speaking, one morning during daily briefing session I blurted out “oh, btw, I am submissive” some would think its funny, some wouldn’t believe it, while I wouldn’t get fired my boss might start to think I am not ambitious, driven or capable enough to be in charge, some would have misplaced concern that I am being abused and most importantly my subordinates, 95% of them male, sexist and some of whom still have a hard time stomaching the fact they have to take orders from a petit girl half their age would think that they now get to boss me around, that I am a pushover. In my family and professional life, when things fall apart I am the one who stays in control, the one everyone leans on, I am not inclined to burst their bubble. This is just a part of whom I am, it’s not the whole of me, and I don’t want everything I am to be judged through the prism of it.
I also like the connection and intimacy bubble it creates, it’s our thing.
Don’t get me wrong, we don’t keep it a secret, but those (outside of bdsm circle) to whom we have told, people who know me well, still took time to relax and grasp their mind around the fact that this is what I want and He is not abusing me. He on the other hand usually gets a clap on the back and a “lucky bastard” grins.
Frankly I am way too lazy and can’t be bothered to explain it to everyone I know, ad nauseam, until they get it. Some just don’t.

Quote:

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That's a question of insecurity. We can know things without feeling it in our heart.

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You nailed it with this quote. I freely admit that. I even have a similar definition of it, though yours is better. I may intellectually know I look good, but I lack self awareness of it. What I find frustrating is when people think thats my defining trait or that it also means I lack self-esteem to stand up to them when they cross the line. I honestly don't care what other people think about who I am or how I look, regardless of whether that opinion is positive or negative, I am pretty immune to the whole mass mentality thing. The only person about whose opinion I occasionally obsess about is the person/Dom to whom I am attracted to.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AdrianaAurora

"....If you told people who know me that I am into BDSM, 70% of them would bet their lives that I am a Domme. If we are talking just about my work place, that percentage rises to 98-99%.
Because, if, hypothetically speaking, one morning during daily briefing session I blurted out “oh, btw, I am submissive” some would think its funny, some wouldn’t believe it, while I wouldn’t get fired my boss might start to think I am not ambitious, driven or capable enough to be in charge, some would have misplaced concern that I am being abused and most importantly my subordinates, 95% of them male, sexist and some of whom still have a hard time stomaching the fact they have to take orders from a petit girl half their age would think that they now get to boss me around, that I am a pushover. In my family and professional life, when things fall apart I am the one who stays in control, the one everyone leans on, I am not inclined to burst their bubble. This is just a part of whom I am, it’s not the whole of me...."

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God, that is so me as well lol - even some Doms (and I use the term loosely) say I Must be switch since I'm the boss at work and always have held positions of authority lol *rme*

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mastersgem

95% of them male, sexist and some of whom still have a hard time stomaching the fact they have to take orders from a petit girl half their age would think that they now get to boss me around, that I am a pushover. In my family and professional life, when things fall apart I am the one who stays in control, the one everyone leans on, I am not inclined to burst their bubbler me*

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it is indeed a shame that this type of attitude still exists, and I am not going to defend or deny it for I know and appreciate that it does, and it is totally indefensible.

I am glad to consider myself one of the 5%, although I feel the figures may be a little less than accurate, I am sure it varies from industry to industry and then company to company.

My work life it totally separated from my home and private lives, I am able to compartmentlise my life.

I could never imagine being in a situation whereby a female colleague or boss ( my company has a good mix of male and female senior personnel) was to state in pubic that she was a submissive, however if she did, or as is more likely confide this to me it would in no way alter our professional working relationship.

Nor would it I hasten to add if the statement was that she was a domme!

I would certainly never look at anyone and make a snap decision or judgment, based on any appearances, whether these be sex, age, colour, height or what ever.

I think we are getting back to what we first discussed in that it is not sensible, if not dangerous even, to make decisions based upon an individuals looks.

Get to know people, maybe, just maybe this is why doms do not feel the need or wish to post pictures of themselves on their profile pages !

We are looking to connect and develop relationships on a deeper and more established level.

if any sub out there wishes to see a picture of a dom I am sure that he would be only to happy to acquiesce to correctly worded and respectful requests.

Once a suitable rapport and understanding has been established of course.

Well, here I am again and seeing as this thread goes in and out of topic, guess I'll have my Tom reBUTTal. *giggles*


TOM wrote: But nobody ever has, and you won't? Has this happened to anybody? Ever? How isn't this just pure paranoia? But I don't think it's paranoia. I think you're just being shy but not admitting it to yourself. There's nothing wrong with being shy. I think it is very cute in moderate doses. We've all been in a situation where we've been shy and had to over-come it. We can all empathise. Just admit it! You won't lose anything.

So you've got nothing fear, have you? Embrace your shyness. It's useless to deny it. It's not like anybody is going to think anything else are they? Either people will think that you're bullshitting or a little bit cute. What do you think will play to your advantage in the long run?

Truly, Tom, I have no idea how it is in Sweden, but in America there's always some scandal on the news about people getting "caught" on the internet. With me, it most likely is paranoia, because the girl ain't shy - with words or actions. lol

And even though I find what you say extremely patronizing, I still have to shake my head and laugh out loud, because the way your mind works is sooooooo "cute." But even more humorous to me is that you know you're right. hehe

A thought just occurred to me, I wonder if men feel that they don't have to post pics, because there are, in comparison, fewer men than women? The reasoning behind this is that women often times "settle" for less than their ideal due to the shortage. Maybe that's why women post their pics more. I don't know - hehe- it made sense in my brain whilst I was thinking it. rofl.

Well, I'm taking my cute little butt and my opinon off the soap box now.

Nice try peeps, but none of the character slurs seem to have goaded anyone in to posting pictures. :rolleyes: