The other night I tried to work on my bf again. I asked him if he remembered when we were first dating and he told me he wanted to push against the wall and do me from behind. He was so aggressive and it was totally hot. He said he did so I said maybe we could do that tonight? He replied rather enthusiastically so I put on these 4" heels he bought me earlier this summer and went to see him in the bedroom. He just sat there grinning at me like a fool. I asked where he wanted me to be and he replied 'I don't know! Where do you want to go? This was your idea! I'm up for whatever'. Honestly, I almost said 'forget it' and walked away. That totally defeats the purpose of what I wanted. It's like this ALL THE TIME. I am so frustrated I feel like I'm beating my head against a brick wall.

I've tried to explain myself and he just says he doesn't want to hurt me. He ooohhhs and aahhhhs over every single damn bruise I get (which is OFTEN - I'm a total klutz) and pouts about how I'm hurting myself and I should be more careful. He worries about the tattoos that I get because that's painful too. It doesn't seem to matter how many times I tell him I LIKE THE PAIN. It turns me on. And bruises are hardly worth his time and effort to coo over because I don't even feel them anymore. But he fusses and worries until I yell at him to stop treating me like some delicate flower 'cause I'm NOT! Then he pouts because I yelled at him and I don't want to but he really aggravates me anymore. I can't even take care of him without his feeling guilty about it.

There are several other problems in this relationship and I honestly think it will end soon anyway. The sex is just one aspect. But it's hard! We've been together for six years and we were friends for a couple of years before that. I have a feeling this is going to drag out until our lease is up next summer though, so I'll probably vent again. Thanks for letting me vent! I feel a little better.