How do you find?

[Charisma1]

Hello all. I've been lurking around the site for quite awhile, but this is my first post. I'm curious to know how one finds a partner for this type of relationship. I haven't really gotten to explore this type of activity, but want to find someone who can dominate me. It's scary, but all of my fantasies are about being a sub. Can someone please help me on how I go about finding the right person? I'm lost. Thanks.

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

This seems to be the question of the week! There have been a lot of people here asking that very question. There are different ways to find someone in the lifestyle. You can find one right here on this site. We have a personal ads section here. You can also read through the various posts on the forums and find a like-minded person and PM them to see if they would be interested in getting to know you better. You can participate in the chat room and meet people there. Just make sure that you follow the chat room rules and ask first in the room before PMing someone. There are other BDSM forums out there where you can meet others and they all seem to operate more or less the same way the Library does.

You can find people IRL as well, through a munch at a club or a dungeon or a play party or different fetish events; though a lot of these are in larger cities. Sometimes you have to search for them. I know that some clubs will feature a fetish night like once a month or something like that. True, you get a lot of poseurs and wannabes dressed in leather, but you never know who you'll meet. There are websites where you can find clubs, dungeons, munches and events in your local area. Type in BDSM and your city/state and you'll get lists of local places/events.

It will take some effort on your part to find someone in the lifestyle, but once you find the right person it is well worth all the work you put into it. Good luck!

[Charisma1]

Thanks for your answer. I don't know how I would ever meet somebody in real life as I can't image delving into a bar or such by myself. I'll keep learning and I'm sure I'll eventually meet the right person. Thanks for taking the time to help.

[Ozme52]

Try a munch. There are lots of resources for finding them near you... Google is a great way to find the ones near you...

I like munches because they are (supposed to be) non-play events strictly for meeting and networking. You'll find like-minded people. You'll find compatriots who will steer you away from any posers who have managed to survive their scrutiny, most disappear rapidly in such environments. You'll learn just be being involved in conversation.

We're much better at 'sussing' out people we can watch while we talk to them. Harder to do than online, but...

I'd also consider a well written personal ad here. Or try the chatroom. And take your time, ask around about those who answer the ad, though you feel safer in the anonimity of online, ultimately you can be hurt emotionally as badly as you can in real life... so it pays to have a lot of conversations with potential online dom/mes.

[Charisma1]

What is a munch?

[Charisma1]

OK, so I found what it is. But Google didn't show me anything, and I think I'd be too nervous to show up alone.

[amosse85]

I'm "new" too, and know what you mean, though my reasons for hesitation are different. I'm definitely not as heavily into this stuff as some people (does that make me a poser?) but still interested and looking for someone who shares my level and areas of interest. Having never been to a munch, as a young guy, I'm more concerned about the M:F ratio and age dispersion. But like I said, I've never been to one, so maybe my worries are unwarranted.

[_ID_]

Find a local club near you, and they have monthly meetings.

Try either of these links to find a club near you.

http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html

http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgs.html

[fetishdj]

Most munches are really friendly and if you contact them in advance the organisers will usually arrange for someone nice and friendly to meet and greet you at the door and introduce you around everyone. Takes all the pressure out of being there alone...