Big Difference or Similarity Minute?

[PopeRozen]

Hello people,

I am fairly new to the scene, and have been in my first Ds-lifestyle relationship for a year and nine months now. Having read a few books, done some web-surfing, and had a rather bad experience with a fetish/Ds group, I still have just about as many questions as I did when I started. I am the proud Dominant of my kitten, and have been negotiating the level of control over my pet. Currently, the following discussion has been on my mind quite a bit after seeing the diversity within the community. I welcome all responses, even if I don't share your view.

There are many debates about "What is a Dom/sub?" I am speaking of general terms and not differentiating between Tops Doms Masters/bottoms subs slaves, so you get the point. Is it a regular person who enjoys kinky sex? Is it someone who seeks to extend their personality into the bedroom and beyond through fetish and leather? Is it someone who seeks spiritual allignment and "freedom" (in the Buddhist, Hinduist sense, from the suffering of the human condition)? Yes, it is all of these, and this is how we get the confusing nomenclature.

So here is I think a relevant question that I have rarely seen addressed: What is the mentality of the Dom and sub? I have met many people who are just in it for fun, and those who seem to be able to relate it at the spiritual level. However, do the Dom and sub share a similar "cosmic inclination?" Do all Doms, or all subs? A sub may enjoy serving, but a Dom may enjoy controlling things so everyone is happy. A sub may have more control over a scene because of limits and preference, but a Dom may be holding the whip. Do you see my point?

Should we, as leather-folk, adopt a more black-and-white, logical point of view, or a view that encompasses the entirety of the spectrum with no arbitrary distinctions? Well, there really is no should about it, everyone must find their own balance. But is it more useful one way or the other? Is there a more useful mindset to be in while "in-scene?" Certainly such strict adherence to one mentality cannot be beneficial in all situations, perhaps not even in all scenes.

If A then not B. If not A then B. If not A and not B, yet also A and B, then what?

I would appreciate suggestions for other places to post.

Pope.