Some of you know me, and some of you don't. I'm still around though, still submissive, still a huge lover of humiliation, and still most definately learning.
I'm just writing this out, just to try and sort some stuff out right now.

My first new experience was being officially owned. It was something I fantasized about, but never expected it to ever really happen. While I moved forward with my submission, I tended to draw away from the ownership deal, but in the end I accepted it as a good thing to do.
Another first that included the ownership was getting a hood piercing in lieu of a collar, which took me at least a year to get done, as I had to overcome quite a few fears about it.

My next first was realizing I am a whore, and I am going to be loaned out to others. Of course I'm not given just to anyone at anytime. People have to know us well, be reliable, and very very safe.
So right now I'm being loaned out to another dominant, who takes his time and tries to guage how far he can take me. He refuses to do any heavy humiliation play as of yet.

My first flogging, and ass paddling happend a few weeks ago. I'm afraid I'm not much of a pain slut, but I can take it. That makes me very afraid of my master in general. He's not one to give me an option on when to stop.

My next first was having my ass used over and over, having everything and anything fuck it. As well having my nipples pinched, bitten, pulled, stretched and clamped. And yes there is a vast difference for me from being online to experiencing actual real touch.

My next first was sub drop and probably the most important first of my life. To be honest I've read about it, but never really thought it was that bad.
I figured it was just a small low point, where you ate ice cream and watched a movie to feel better.
But I crashed and burned this morning. And really the play session I had last night, wasn't even that intense.
I told my master to go away and never come back, I planned on never talking to anyone again, and was ready to wallow in self pity for a long time.
Good thing I can't keep my mouth shut and told both play partner and master that I felt lost and confused and bitter.
They at least explained to me that it was going to happen and that I'll be able to work through it, although maybe it didn't help that the play partner and I discussed some personal issues of mine that should have not been discussed during a break in play. That kind of added the icing to the cake for me at my pity party.

I realize that sub drop does happen, and I'm prone to it as well. And I suppose I'll take it much more seriously and try to find ways to deal with it better.
Today I'm going to have ice cream and watch movies and relax.

And of course when the dust settles, I'll be ready for second helpings