Hey guys and girls,
So, here's my problem: I've been in several BDSM "relationships" since I was seventeen. My first experiences were actually with a private kink group in my town that I was thrown into without knowing what was going on with them. In addition to that, I was abused throughout my childhood. There's the sob story, now here's the question.

I'm in a really awesome relationship at the moment. My boyfriend is fantastic and even though he hasn't had a great deal of experience, he's a wonderful Dom. BDSM play isn't our norm as far as sex is concerned, but whenever we play, it's great and perfect. The issue I have is that I'm actually scared of playing with him in a way. I've had nothing but harsh masters for most of the time I've been into this scene. Most of them just tortured me: ignoring safe words, refusing to abide by any sort of rules, forcing me into things that I specifically told them I couldn't handle doing. I'm subject to panic attacks and many of them would make me continue even when I wasn't even mentally able to.

My dom now is nothing like that. Play is play, it's supposed to be satisfying and fun for both of us and he goes out of his way to make sure that's what happens, but I'm still terrified, waiting for that time when he won't stop, when he breaks the rules and hurts me in the way I don't crave.

What I'm wondering is if anyone here has been in this situation. If so, how do you handle it? How do you just put it behind you and let things be as they should in the now? I'm a sub, not a slave, so I can't just commit myself to a master and pretend he/she is all I've ever known, but I just wonderhow others would cope with this.