I am in my mid-50s, married over 30 years, and came to BDSM only within the past few years. My wife and I have had an extremely vanilla relationship for most of our marriage. About four years ago I discovered BDSM on the Internet and realized through reading and chat experiences that the sexual passivity I had demonstrated through most of our marriage was the result of a deeply submissive nature. I had cyber affairs with several Dommes I had met online and agonized over the fact that I was betraying my very loving and devoted wife. Two years ago, to my amazement, my wife, most unexpectedly, finally allowed her natural dominance to assert itself and we quickly and happily transitioned to a very exciting D/s sexual relationship. We both discovered things about ourselves that we had never suspected, and our marriage became incredibly exciting. But...

My wife is extremely comfortable with herself in her role as Domme. I am not so comfortable as a submissive, now that I am a sub in real, rather than cyber, life. As her sub, I abandon all inhibitions and, and while this is extremely satisfying sexually to both of us (I think she gets as much, if not more, pleasure over her ability to make me lose all control and put myself completely in her power as she does from the orgasms I am able to give her), I am left afterward with a lingering sense of shame and embarassment for my totally "shameless" behavior--my total lack of sexual restraint and the fulfillment of dark fantasies and the shocking desire to fulfill even darker ones. This has resulted in some strain in what had been an unbelievable rejunevation of our marriage.

I am the product of a very repressive childhood and adolescence in which sex was not even a concept much less a reality, so my new-found sexual abandon is hard for me to accept. Indeed, I was brought up to think of sex as something shameful and I was certainly ashamed by the very active fantasy life and compulsive masturbation that I was unable to control. So the kind of orgiastic (not literally) play my Domme and I have enjoyed over the past few years is a total dissconnect with the sexual repression I had been conditioned to believe was the norm.

I am hoping that more experienced dommes or subs might be able to give me some advice as to how to overcome feelings that I suspect are caused by the conflict between my true sexual nature and the conditioning of family and society that is preventing me from accepting with full joy the miracle that has occurred in my life when my vanilla wife became my Lady of Pleasure. I am open to any suggestions....

steve