What Ideals are you living for?

[mighty_marc]

Ideals

I am like many others on this site single and although having been a member for a very short time only, I have had some contacts with other great people who are also hoping to find what every one on earth wants to find.
What I have realized however in many cases is the discrepancy between clear concepts of what bdsm components are expected in a relationship on the one hand and between which ideals are lived for and believed in, and what is crucial for a beautiful relationship in the own character and the other's one on the other hand.

There are for example some basic ideals which I am pursuing, trying to live up to. For example I don't believe that there is a sense given to our lives from the outside, so that we have to give one to life ourselves. My decision is that a worthy goal is to have a positive influence on our environment, which makes me participate in the physicians without borders program, supporting wikipedia and free software and what is most crucial: It is this basic ideal that shapes my approach to relationships. I thus don't demand anything from the other one; beauty can't be found, but it must be created by oneself. The nobility of the character comes to live, once given a chance to.

In my profile I have used the metaphor that I would be like a wall for the woman I would devote myself to, what is a metaphor which has been appreciated so far, but never been seen in connection to reality. So far it seems to me that to most people, the belief in situations is more clear than the belief in characters. Many have got such a clear idea about what they expect and want to experience when it comes to bdsm, but at the same time there are little or no concepts about relationships and the approach to them.

If I was (to invent an example) from the same region as some other guy who has once betrayed a girl this girl would see this as a flaw, not thinking about whether the reason for deceit might lie in the character of a person and not in the outer circumstances.

Well, my question to all of you is what ideals you are believing in / living up to and to what extent they do shape the approach to relationships in general and to bdsm in particular?

In vanilla relationships for example no one would ask the other one what sexual practices are favored within the first few minutes of a talk and no woman would introduce herself with the words: (My limits are anal, swallowing and deep throating)

So, how important is the preference of a particular interest when it comes to the choice of a partner or even someone taken into consideration to you?


I would be glad for some feed back; I have never considered myself as a part of the bdsm subculture, although two of my relationships have contained bdsm aspects to a different extent and being at this forum is the first time that i am actually confronted with what you might call bdsm philosophy. So, thank's for sharing your thoughts in advance

Marc

[Flaming_Redhead]

Well, my question to all of you is what ideals you are believing in / living up to and to what extent they do shape the approach to relationships in general and to bdsm in particular?

So, how important is the preference of a particular interest when it comes to the choice of a partner or even someone taken into consideration to you?

In relationships in general, I believe the man should be the head of the house, not only in name but in deed. This means I expect him to be the breadwinner, make important decisions, maintain the home and raise the children. I believe I am equally important in the scheme of things but not necessarily equal. I expect honesty, affection, respect and monogamy in return for the same. In BDSM, it is no different. The ideals I want in a man are the same ideals I want in a Master, for they are one and the same person.

Preferences are another compatibility issue. Obviously, if someone is into polyamory, we wouldn't be a good match. I don't expect all interests to match perfectly. It leaves room for compromise and experimentation. The importance, for me, is experience. I don't want to be with someone who is "exploring" the lifestyle. I want to be with somone who knows who he is and what he likes as well as what he's doing when he does it to me.

Daddy is close enough to perfect for me. We're different enough to keep things...interesting....but alike enough to be able to envision a future together.

[DowntownAmber]

I started typing and ended up erasing most of what I had written. I knew if I let myself get going this could turn into a RATHER long post. Thus, I'll give it a day on my head to pare itself down and see what I can write that is less of an effort to read than a three page long Amber diatribe...lol

[mighty_marc]

I would have been happy to read your thoughts, even if they hade been written down in a 30 page long script.
I am looking forward to reading your post Amber

[DowntownAmber]

I would have been happy to read your thoughts, even if they hade been written down in a 30 page long script.
I am looking forward to reading your post Amber

Do not tempt the 30 page script...lol Ask anyone, I've been making short stories long for years...

As it were, I think I found a bit of writing from the not so distant past that fits what I want to say here. This is as brief as I get, brevity has never been a strong point. Enjoy.

"All the world's roads lead to the heart of the warrior; he plunges unhesitatingly into the river of passions always flowing through his life.
The warrior knows that he is free to choose his desires, and he makes these decisions with courage, detachment and - sometimes - with just a touch of madness.
He embraces his passions and enjoys them intensely. He knows that there is no need to renounce the pleasures of conquest; they are part of life and bring joy to all those who participate in them.
But he never loses sight of those things that last or of the strong bonds that are forged over time."

Paulo Coelho

As all roads lead to the heart, so too do all the world's roads come from the heart. What I live for is the time spent on these roads, the stories of the places I pass, the artifacts that I gather as I go, and the times I walk together with someone at my side. I live for the act of moving, the process of growing. I live for this journey, the journey of shaping myself.

The universe, I suspect, is its own living and breathing entity of sorts; but it is not its job to provide us with meaning and a map to navigate through itself. It exists, and we step up to it and through it; sometimes bending it to our purpose, and often adjusting ourselves to fit its shape. We are liquid, I feel, our passions running like the river that Paulo describes. A river has to find the places in a landscape where it can flow, but it also has the power to carve its own way, to flow alone or to merge into another. Our lives are the constant practice of directing this motion. To do so, we need to intimately know ourselves and respect ourselves first and foremost. The parts of our lives that are shrouded in fear or pain or ignorance, we must seek to reveal. I live for these revelations.

As we reveal many of our fears, they melt before us like sandcastles in the tides. But there are boulders to be moved too, and sometimes beaches to be stormed held by the fiercest warriors of our own pain and fear. There is the choice to fall back into the waters, to let the river pool and deepen and consume us, or the choice to fight up onto the land we wish to claim and to move through the territories we wish to navigate. Let the river be deepened and become full by the blood of slain doubt and fear. I live for this fight.

There are many who will seek to drink from the river, and as they do will perhaps see a reflection of themselves in the waters. This works both ways, as they take from us we also see ourselves reflected back. We know ourselves in their eyes, we learn to recognize the faces of our friends, and we learn to recognize those that do not see us. We share and are shared with. As our own path becomes more clear, we will find others that travel in our same direction; sometimes for a little ways, and sometimes they will run parallel for a long ways. I live for these connections.

Life is motion. To move all the time, to shape and reveal and fight and to connect is a dangerous business. A lonely business at times, but it is not the lone path through the times of trial that is truly painful - it is the moments of happiness and joy, the celebrations of being that are pointed reminders of our choice to be solo or to be a partner. We are the warriors of which the above quotation speaks, and there will be a time when each warrior will make the choice to continue on alone, to conquer that which he chooses to have as a partner, or to submit to and allow another's possession of you. There is no right way for this, for there is equal strength in submission as there is in the taking, equal power in allowing one to break into your spirit as there is power in the breaking. We choose based on the journey we have taken prior, and what we have found within ourselves. What I have found is the desire to be with the one I can lay against, naked in body and spirit, and gift with my devotion and gift with the strength I have gathered up along my path thus far. Who are we not to be fabulous and powerful beings? I have simply found that I am more powerful kneeling beside Him with my heart open, the man worthy of my life, than I am standing against what I feel wearing all the armor I have at my disposal. I will live for this submission.

[J-Go]

I have absolutly nothing to add to that AMAZING post Amber...
Instead I will add a bit more written about Warriors of the Light

Every Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone.
Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his.
Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons.
Every Warrior of the Light has, at least once, believed he was not a Warrior of the Light.
Every Warrior of the Light has failed in his spiritual duties.
Every Warrior of the Light has said 'yes' when he wanted to say 'no.'
Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone he loved.
That is why he is a Warrior of the Light, because he has been through all this and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is."

~Paulo Coelho

[denuseri]

The following is taken from a thread i started a little while ago about being kajira in the submissives couch, it pretty much sums up what ideals i live for and by. Truth, honor, love and service to my owner and there by myself and family are paramont.




In my heart of hearts I know what I am, what I was born to be. Honnor and love and duty to Him. Utter servitude to my Master in all things. These are my meat and bread. These are my life, my very soul.

There is no greater love than the slave to her owner. Bound by more than just his will. The passion of the kajira for her owner is absolute. She is more than just property and can do no less than give of herself to him everything.

Many say the free woman is incabable of love as the slave loves.

Only the slave is completely open to her owner in all ways, there are no secrets, no hidden desires, she is naked before Him in all. She bares forth her essence to him in everything, and he deepens her servitude with his strength over her, for she is his most cherished property.In this the slave has nothing but utter trust and total devotion to her owner. Even her own deepest fears must be put aside to please her owners desires. No free woman can truely give this much of herself. It is something truely rare in the world.

A man is a fool who plants a garden and does not tend it well for harvest. So too it is with his other property, his slave in paticular.

My owner possesess me in total, I am His. Collared and trainned in all things, every aspect of life permeated by his dominion over me. My owner loves me. It is no weakness for him to do so, but his greatest strength. I respect him in all things, he keeps me in my place and i adore him for it.I am his bueatiful kajira. His most prized and valuable possession. I am irrevocably His. Nothing is allowed to be hidden from him. I entertain him. Even when I try his patience or am playful, or disobedient I do so in his name, to ever help him keep me well in my place, to further his enjoyment of his property his kajira his slave. His in total i submit.

In this i am what many Goreans call a love slave, born and bred specifically to love my owner in every way.

It is a bueatiful moment when the woman realizes that the man who owns her is her "love" Master and the man realizes that this girl kneeling before him tears in her eyes is his utterly , his love slave.

"The slavery in which a love slave is kept is an unusually deep slavery. She must serve him with a perfection that which would stun and startle other girls; if she should fail in any way, even in so small a way that the lapse would be overlooked in the case of another wench, or bring perhaps a mild word or reprimand, she is likely to be tied at the slave ring and whipped; there is good reason for this; she is, you see, a love slave; no woman can be more in a man's power; and with no woman must he be stronger..................." Beasts of Gor, pp236

[_ID_]

My ideals in a relationship? Honesty, Communication, Honesty, Communication and of course Honesty.

I feel if you can have honesty and communication in a relationship you can work out the rest. If either of those become an issue then the relationship is on a downward negative spiral that will be difficult to overcome.

[AdrianaAurora]

My husband and I have an absolute agreement - whatever happens we stay together.

How that translates is...to each other we come first, our trust is absolute, we talk about everything, we have seen each other at our worst and our lowest, there are no recriminations, we are free to be who we are with one another. And we don't trust anyone else. The last statement comes from the fact that when we got together for the longest time people tried to talk us out of being together and/or play us against it each other - it never worked because we always went to each other with such stories and cleared the air. We preserved.

We are considerate to one another. Though we are like that with other people too.

Physical contact isn't just fun its important for spiritual connection.

And personally, I have one guiding thought in life, when I am unable to reach a decision I always remember - It's better to regret something you have done than something you haven't.

But I think these principles work whether the relationship is vanilla or bdsm, and the "whips and chains" part is just a cherry on the top.

[Kuskovian]

If anything for me this is it; for those know the "Way" it needs no introduction.

I have no parents; I make the Heavens and the Earth my parents.
I have no home; I make the Tan T'ien my home.
I have no divine power; I make honesty my Divine Power.
I have no means; I make Docility my means.
I have no magic power; I make personality my Magic Power.
I have neither life nor death; I make A Um my Life and Death.
I have no body; I make Stoicism my Body.
I have no eyes; I make The Flash of Lightning my eyes.
I have no ears; I make Sensibility my Ears.
I have no limbs; I make Promptitude my Limbs.
I have no laws; I make Self-Protection my Laws.

I have no strategy; I make the Right to Kill and the Right to Restore Life my Strategy.
I have no designs; I make Seizing the Opportunity by the Forelock my Designs.
I have no miracles; I make Righteous Laws my Miracle.
I have no principles; I make Adaptability to all circumstances my Principle.
I have no tactics; I make Emptiness and Fullness my Tactics.

I have no talent; I make Ready Wit my Talent.
I have no friends; I make my Mind my Friend.
I have no enemy; I make Incautiousness my Enemy.
I have no armour; I make Benevolence my Armour.
I have no castle; I make Immovable Mind my Castle.
I have no sword; I make No Mind my Sword

"And it harm not others do as thou will"

[AdrianaAurora]

If anything for me this is it; for those know the "Way" it needs no introduction.

I have no parents; I make the Heavens and the Earth my parents.
I have no home; I make the Tan T'ien my home.
I have no divine power; I make honesty my Divine Power.
I have no means; I make Docility my means.
I have no magic power; I make personality my Magic Power.
I have neither life nor death; I make A Um my Life and Death.
I have no body; I make Stoicism my Body.
I have no eyes; I make The Flash of Lightning my eyes.
I have no ears; I make Sensibility my Ears.
I have no limbs; I make Promptitude my Limbs.
I have no laws; I make Self-Protection my Laws.

I have no strategy; I make the Right to Kill and the Right to Restore Life my Strategy.
I have no designs; I make Seizing the Opportunity by the Forelock my Designs.
I have no miracles; I make Righteous Laws my Miracle.
I have no principles; I make Adaptability to all circumstances my Principle.
I have no tactics; I make Emptiness and Fullness my Tactics.

I have no talent; I make Ready Wit my Talent.
I have no friends; I make my Mind my Friend.
I have no enemy; I make Incautiousness my Enemy.
I have no armour; I make Benevolence my Armour.
I have no castle; I make Immovable Mind my Castle.
I have no sword; I make No Mind my Sword

"And it harm not others do as thou will"

Now my reaction to this was to LMAO. Not in disrespect, to quote denu

Wow Demon Dom

u sound just like my owner in a lot of ways (pauses to make sure my husband hasnt made a second nic here lol)

For those who don't know the "Way" *snickers* the above tenants are the Samurai creed aka the Bushido. It was a code and way of life for Samurai, a class of warriors similar to the medieval knights of Europe. Bushido, literally translated "Way of the Warrior," stresses importance on frugality, loyalty, martial arts mastery and honor unto death. *Again what is it with Doms and martial arts?*

[DowntownAmber]

For those that asked, I'll just post and save the trouble of individual replies... The quote os from Paulo Coelho, "Warrior of the Light." Good read. The rest is all mine and I could care less if you cut, paste or borrow it. Thanks!