have you ever hit the spot in your day/life where you just dont give a shit no more. i know Sir will be quite distraught about this post but i feel like im at that spot again in my life... ive been there once before and now im back. this isnt good for me and Him. i know this for a fact because i know how i can get. and i showed that with Him tonight. there were many times where He coulda punished my ass good for things i had said/ done but didnt and im definately not complaining. but when you want one thing so bad and never get it and never get it and never get it... it jus isnt good. all i want is out. i hate where im living and i hate the people i live with. this place has made me crazy.... i love Sir, dont get me wrong but i feel He deserves sooooo much fucking better than what i can give Him. i cant be what He wants apparently... im done... i dont wanna give up but i feel there is no other way around this. Hes always telling me not to give up and not to give up but i dont know what else to do. i love Sir with all my heart but i dont think Hes happy with me being His sub. and i want Sir to have me forever. i truley do.

confused...