*big deep breath*

Whew, new thread!

Hi everyone,

I've searched for this, but if I've missed an old thread please feel free to point me in that direction.

Background: I am relatively new in experience to all "this" - bdsm in general - and I am trying new things as they occur to me or as opportunities present themselves. So there's a lot of learning curve here, and I'm enjoying it even when it frustrates me.

One of those new things: A good friend of mine asked me to top him, and he had some very specific things in which he was (is!) interested. I'd never topped anyone except some very light playing around with an ex boyfriend (which was fun!) and I've always been interested in trying it. So after much discussion, we decided to get together this weekend.

Overall, I think it was a good experience. It was for me, mainly because it was something new and, well, reference previous remark about trying new things. It was with a friend who I've known for some time, so there was a bit of a safety/comfort zone there. Not as much confidence on my end as I would like but I do understand that experience and confidence go hand in hand. So I'm not so hung up on that.

But here's my burning question: How do you create a scene that flows well? I am not saying "there's one way to do it, what is that one way" -- rather, what works for you individually? I struggled with this because I don't want to have a pre-scripted thing that has to go off "first I do this, and you react that way, and then I do this" -- that seems terribly empty and unfulfilling to me. I love spontaneity! On the other hand, not planning anything at all doesn't work either. How can I be in control of a situation if I have NO idea how I think it will work out? I can roll with the flow as well as anyone, but I feel like I want to have some idea what I'd like to happen during the course of the session, and how I would like everyone to feel at the end.

So, I'll tell you what I did. Knowing it was an encounter, and not knowing if it would be one-time or not, I gathered a list of activities that he really likes. I asked for, and he happily provided, some of his favorite fantasies -- stories, pictures, etc. His kinks are not ones that are huge turn ons for me, but I did find some parallels with things that turn me on, and we discussed. Because we've talked about this at some length, he understands my background as a bottom, and my interest in playing top once in a while. Anyway I pulled from the ideas he gave me, added one or two things I've also read about that were similar and sounded like we'd both enjoy. I prepared myself to do any or all of the list, made sure I had all the requisite supplies, checked my equipment. Then when we got together, I started with the activity I thought had most appeal for both of us (yay, bondage!) and then tried something. Gauged his reaction, worked through it, tried something else. When something really turned him on, I kept doing it. When something didn't get much reaction, I gradually shifted gears and tried something else.

*laughing* I suppose trial and error works well enough, but I am curious as to how other folks approach this. Until I get some more experience under my belt -- whether that be with this particular partner or someone else -- I think it's my best option.

And yes, if there are other switches out there, I would be especially interested in how they go about this.

I hope that makes sense. My insomnia is kicking my ass tonight. (And not in a good way!)

crafty

p.s. I haven't been able to talk to him since, so as of yet I have no feedback from him. Hoping that changes in the next couple days!