For many years now the Southern American Language has eluded the comprehension of many people from Northern America, Canada, and other countries. This resource looks to make the Southern Language easier for people to understand.

To begin, a few rules of speaking Southern must first be made known.

Rule Number One: There is no "I" in the Southern Language. Anytime one sees and I written in Southern, whether as a proper noun or as part of a word, one should correctly pronouce it as "ah."

Rule Number Two: The word "you" does not exist in the Southern Language. Instead, this word is replaced by the word "y'all." That is the correct spelling of y'all, by the way.

Rule Number Three: The word "ain't" covers many different meanings in the Southern Language. Ain't may mean anything from "is not" to "are not" to "will not." Northerners and foreigners should probably refrain from using the word ain't until they are more familiar with the Southern Language.

Rule Number Four: There is only one soft drink in the South, and it's Coke. It's not Coca-Cola, it's Coke. Southerners have never heard of Pepsi, Mr. Pibb, Tab, or other carbonated beverages; and even if they have, they still call them Coke. To the Northerners visiting the South, it is a dead giveaway that "you ain't from around here" if you order a "pop," a "soda," or a "soft drink" in a restaurant. It is also bad form to insist that those are the correct terms for a carbonated beverage while in the South. Shootings have occured over less.

Rule Number Five: Southerners do not "mow the lawn;" they "cut the grass." Southerners do not eat "fish and chips;" they eat "fried fish and french fries." Southerners also do not eat filet mognon, t-bones, porterhouses, or any other specifically-named cut of meat; they eat "steak."

Rule Number Six: The terms "low fat," "baked," and "health food" are unknown in the South. To a Southerner, a plate of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, and biscuits is health food. If fried chicken is not available, then there's always chicken fried steak.

Rule Number Seven: Any state west of Texas, north of Arkansas, or east of Georgia is not the South. Some of these states may claim to be Southern, but the people from the real South know the difference.

Rule Number Eight: The Most Important Rule of All! Chili does NOT have beans. Chili also does not contain tofu, celery, mushrooms, chicken, turkey, mangoes, spinach, or any other unnecessary form of waste. Chili is made with beef and pork, and should comtain some quantity of onion and garlic, and very little else. Presenting a Southerner with a bowl of tofu chili is legal ground for a public hanging in many Southern states.


Use these rules wisely when visiting the South and your stay will be much more enjoyable. Also, it is likely that, if you use these rules, you will leave the South under your own power, and not in a hearse, ambulance, nor being chased by an angry mob.

If you require further help when visiting the South, many Southern Universities and insititutes of higher learning (mainly truck-driving schools, trade schools, and cosmetology colleges) offer classes on Southern Living. It is recommended that anyone from "up north" that plans to be in the South for any extended amount of time enroll in one of these courses.