A few days ago, TomofSweden posted the first part of a story he's written. Since he's keen to have some feedback before he submits more, I thought his first chapter would make an excellent discussion.

It's a short and easy read M/f piece, so please take a few minutes to click on this link and give one of our newest authors your thoughts.

Ok, let's get this rolling.

What did you think of the story title and blurb? Did it tell you enough to pique your interest and want to read more?

The first few lines (paragraph) are vital to any story. Did this one "hook" you and make you want to keep reading?

Did this story contain enough detail about the characters looked like, for all you perverts out there, or would you have like more?

Were you able to clearly visualise what the characters were doing and what was happening?

The story contains no personal nouns. Did the use of "he" and "she" distance you from the characters, or did you feel it enhanced their sexuality?

Did the author succeed in creating a strong feeling of dominance and submission?

One reviewer says it let him/her "felting flat". Why do you think this may have been?

Finally, Tom's received good scores for this piece so far, but he's still chasing that illusive ten out of ten. So, if you could give him just one piece of advice, to improve his writing, what would it be?