More than one sub...

[TomOfSweden]

I guess my answer to that is... so what. The one who gets less attention... maybe it's enough. I didn't say all was equal. I said everyone is happy.

Your example implies an extreme case and presumes all else is equal.

Of the BDSM polys I know of this is the most common situation that has to be dealt with all the time. Either a man with two women or with a woman and two men. Not as a permanent arrangement but as something that spontaneusly is created and disolved due to everybodies conflicting needs.

I would suggest successful polys find that "on the whole" things balace out.

That's quite an assumtion which actually may be true for some polys, but I doubt it's true for all, or even all that common.

Here's an assumtion I have, all people are greedy and want their needs fulfilled. Jelously apears when we think we're entitled to more than we're getting and some people, (destructive subs) deny themselves the needs they have. For any healthy relationship all people involved needs to have their needs fulfilled. This is hard enough with just two people.

To be absolutely clear on this. When I use the expression, "having needs fulfilled" I don't mean getting everything we want. Sometimes what we need is getting denied the things we want. We know our needs are fulfilled when we are happy.

I don't think I'm an emotional train-wreck who can't handle my emotions. I believe that I'm quite a well grounded and level headed guy, and that the women I've had the good fortune to have relationships with have had their needs fulfilled.

I'm certain the poly life-style works great for non-BDSM users, because there's not the need for the same level of trust or attention to one anothers needs. I've still not heard of any BDSM poly relationship that works for any length of time.

edit: I'm not saying it's impossible. I just can't wrap my head around how it actually would work in practice. Polyamoury implies no control or ownership which I would think would make D/s contradictory?