why is it wrong for a submissive to masturbate??

[babygirlE]

hii well im 21 years old and i have been in 2 bdsm relationships and alot of things change but.. it seem that no guy dom or not, approves the masturbation on the girl unless he asks for it.. but why????

[lexora]

your job as a sub is to please your Owner not yourself, Masturbation is pleasing yourself and without permission is bad. Also telling you when and if to masturbate is a form of control. But I am sure the Dom's here have a better answer hope i helped some ><

[denuseri]

I am going to assume your refering to real life partners and not an online "relationship" situation, cuase with the later I would just tell whoever that was to take a hike myself.

If this is a real life thing...it sounds to me like your finding dominants who are eaither inexperienced, or under some kind of illussion that you shouldnt touch yourself or that you shouldnt ever experience pleasure unless its by their hand etc. Which is plain hoppin fiddle bs when you get right down too it for all intensive purposes, even amongst the hardest core kinksters.

This is ussually eaitherr due to some misconseptions becuase they were self tuaght via the internet or they are simpley unimaginative and cant get past using CR as a defualt setting with any submissive they get or its their prime fetish.


Dont get me wrong; normally cum restrictions and touching restrictions are useful training tools for limited periods of time, especially with a submissive who is at certian points in her training (ussually not right at the start, and later ussually only as a punnishment) or when in an arrangment used as a way of increasing arrousal for a short period of time and then going through a cycle of denying relesase and further teasing until a forced orgasm is obtained, which in most cases is accomplished in "scene" or over the course of a few days of repetative contact sessions where one is briught close to orgasm yet not allowed an orgasm, too much time ussually isnt allowed to elapse lest the submissive becomes fridged....unless as previously mentioned its where that is the primary focus of their fetish arrangment.

Such primary focuses of course being under the consideration that all things bdsm should be safe, sane, and ..."consensual".

Consensual meaning that If you simply cant stand having that (no touching etc) as a condition of your submission, then by all means, speak up and set some limits with your partner.

Or find a new partner that is a better fit.



Domination and submission is after all a two way street.

[babygirlE]

thank you

[denuseri]

Love your avatar btw hon!

[Liushka]

Like Denuseri has (very well) expressed it, this is a two way street.

Limits should be established (even if likely to evolve over the time of a relationship) so that both agree to them. You also mentionned that guys, dom or not, didn't like the thought of you masturbating, which reminds me of how certain men believe that this is a personal attack to them that a girl can take her pleasure in her own hands.

Well, beside if orgasm control is part of your consensual limits, masturbation is a very good (and useful) experience for someone, including a woman. Such a topic/issue should be discussed with your partner, and if he doesn't want to hear about it, well dominant or not, I'd think that it's highly a problem for the relationship overall.

Communication is primordial and a good dom(me) must be able to talk about what is going on with their sub.

[thir]

hii well im 21 years old and i have been in 2 bdsm relationships and alot of things change but.. it seem that no guy dom or not, approves the masturbation on the girl unless he asks for it.. but why????

control.

[babygirlE]

thank you for your responses

[scarlet_85]

I have to admit that over the last 3 months of play, I have had no desire to masturbate. Yes, I'm that satisfied.

The last time I masturbated, I was tasked to achieve 3 orgasms in an hour and a half and was told to count them off as I had them. Well, I achieved 8. My Master was very proud of me to say the least.

Last week I had mentioned seducing myself out of boredom and he shut me down. His claim was that we were so close to our next planned hard play session that he wanted that orgasm saved for him. And so I listened and did not go there.

I will definitely say its a control thing. I'm not forbidden to do it. However, if He chooses to dominate over that area of my life, he will simply say something. Somebody had mentioned above that masturbating without permission is bad, but I only see it that way if that particular D/s relationship is set with those guidelines. I'd say if it is something you're not ok with, work through it with your Dom.

[Austerus]

There's no reason that it's wrong, because it's not wrong. Control of your orgasms, and of your touching yourself, is just one more thing that can be negotiated by both you and your partner. Some people enjoy orgasm control, or the control/humiliation of having the right to touch certain body parts or behave in certain ways taken away, but it's not for everyone.

If that negotiation something that your partner is contemptuous of, and if masturbation is important to you but he is not willing to budge on it, then you should stop fingering yourself for just long enough to arrange the finger for vertical display, and should then return to your regularly scheduled programming.

[scarlet_85]

If that negotiation something that your partner is contemptuous of, and if masturbation is important to you but he is not willing to budge on it, then you should stop fingering yourself for just long enough to arrange the finger for vertical display, and should then return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Lol... that is the coolest shit I've read all day!! Thank you for that!!

[Austerus]

Happy to help

[Nicipac]

IMHO the only time it is wrong is if it is a form of punishment to deny you masturbation....some feel it is a form of control...but unless you are a 24/7 slave..all we have is your word that you didnt. some feel that if made to abstain it will heighten your play.....not... oh sorry master I already came twice today so the one you just gave me ehh it was ok... Personally I get more pleasure out of making her hold it as long as she can during play. but it still comes down to as a submissive establishing your limits...yes we will try it your way of X amount of time and then try it my way for the same amount of time and then evaluate and decide which provided the more desirable results.....Be safe and Play well

[VaAugusta]

I think everybody answered that it is, well, a bit absurd to regulate or rather hypocritical as many d-types wouldn't do likewise. But the OP asked "why???" and I think this is interesting to consider. For a lot of people, and d-types alike, their is a certain pleasure that comes from pleasing another person. And similarly, there is a certain displeasure in realizing you're not the only person who can fill this role. (Why I dislike zucchinis for instance)

[FaerieLytes]

as a general rule, my Boyfriend/Dom knows i touch myself, before it wasnt really spoken about, now though... He wants to know when im doing it, and i am happy to inform Him sometimes He tells me to leave my toy where it is, in which case i say okay and behave, other times He tells me what to do to myself, both of these i love, because we dont get alot of alone time and though i used to hate masturbation i actually love it now, because He encourages me so much.

[lozerette]

I want to bring up that it's not only in bdsm relationships that masturbation can be frowned on. It can make your partner feel like they are unable to satisfy your needs. This is an insecurity on their part, and I'm of the opinion that if they don't want you to masturbate, they'd better make damn sure they keep you satisfied.

[thir]

I want to bring up that it's not only in bdsm relationships that masturbation can be frowned on. It can make your partner feel like they are unable to satisfy your needs. This is an insecurity on their part, and I'm of the opinion that if they don't want you to masturbate, they'd better make damn sure they keep you satisfied.

Agreed :-)

But personally I think they are two very different kinds of sex, and not neccesarily anything to do with each other.

[Darkest Dragon]

In My opiniom masterbation is a pleasure enjoyed by A/all,why waste it when One says * only when I ask for it*this is a part of this great lifestyle,They are not fullfilling the needs of their submissive!.......Darkest Dragon

[Xmaster1]

Ok I respect denuseri but got to disagree. Also, "for all intensive purposes"? (shudder) I am not the grammar police but it is: "For all intents and purposes."
Now, I agree if the dom does not allow a submissive to masturbate, ever, out side of a scene then ok they are morons.
But, if my sub masturbates without asking for my permission to play with my toy, then she is gonna be in trouble.
Control does not always mean denial but you have to deny access sometimes or the request for permission loses its meaning.

[thir]

Ok I respect denuseri but got to disagree. Also, "for all intensive purposes"? (shudder) I am not the grammar police but it is: "For all intents and purposes."

Apparently you are.
Isn't there something called 'freedom of speech' in your system? ;-)

Now, I agree if the dom does not allow a submissive to masturbate, ever, out side of a scene then ok they are morons.

I don't think so. It is entirely depending on what works for them.

But, if my sub masturbates without asking for my permission to play with my toy, then she is gonna be in trouble.

Fair enough, since that works for you :-)

Control does not always mean denial but you have to deny access sometimes or the request for permission loses its meaning.

Control does not in itself equal denial - just deciding how things are done.

[Xmaster1]

Apparently you are.
Isn't there something called 'freedom of speech' in your system? ;-)

Of course there is, I love free speech and I was making an exception to my normal rule. "For all intensive purposes" is a complete corruption caused by people writing what they think they heard.

I don't think so. It is entirely depending on what works for them.
Sorry I tend to keep it short and simple, what I mean is everyone needs some alone time just for themselves to be selfish and just please themselves. Anyone that restricts that 100% is a moron. IM(not so)HO of course, feel free to excercise your free speech.

Fair enough, since that works for you :-)



Control does not in itself equal denial - just deciding how things are done.
Yep that is what I said.

Yeah mine doesn't look as good as yours.

[Ozme52]

Also, "for all intensive purposes"? (shudder) I am not the grammar police but it is: "For all intents and purposes."

Welcome to the world of denuseri's amusing malaprops.

Norm Crosby (I believe it was him) made a career out of them.

[davina_]

Welcome to the world of denuseri's amusing malaprops.

Norm Crosby (I believe it was him) made a career out of them.

I believe he did, but I always liked Archie Bunker's malapropos best

And I can see both sides. Sometimes the rules and constraints of a scene don't fair as well outside the situation but then again, what meaning does the scene have if one only needs wait until it's over. I think there has to be some latitude but basically, a general understanding of what's expected.

[baldkate]

My mistress told me. She is the only one that plays with me. So I cannot masturbate. Never. If I do, then she is not playing with me.

[davina_]

Please, I am not being sarcastic here but instead, a real question. Is there an intentional double standard in-so-far as whether the denied is a male or a female? To me, it seems orgasm denial is a common practice between Mistress's and her pets. I mean, not indefinitely, but for serious amounts of time. And I can also see where it shouldn't be the same for a girl. But I am biased because I hold girls far above guys in certain respects. So, is it the general consensus that girls be allowed to masturbate whenever they feel like it as opposed to guys who, if owned, should be restricted to a defined circumstances?

[lucy]

So, is it the general consensus that girls be allowed to masturbate whenever they feel like it as opposed to guys who, if owned, should be restricted to a defined circumstances?

I honestly don't know. But I'm pretty sure there is no general consensus about that.
Apart from that, I think that life is plenty long enough to drink a couple of bottles of bad wine but certainly not long enough not to have all the orgasms you could have

[baldkate]

My mistress is not thinking of guys. She is only thinking of me. A girl.

[Xmaster1]

I hope she isn't mad at me for it. That is just one of the few things that make my teeth ache when i see or hear it. Did not mean to sidetrack the discussion though.

[baldkate]

Naughty girl. You need to be put in your place.