Humiliation

[moptop]

OK, I have a real problem with this. I don't get it - I mean, I do, a bit, I suppose - yes, I like to squirm a bit, so to an extent it is obviously just a question of levels. But - there is a thread posted recently with a sub presenting humiliation pictures of herself, on her master's command. You've probably seen it. I have two real questions coming out of that thread:

1) what's in it for the sub? I mean, to those of you who practice humiliation - is this really something you crave? Is it something you've always craved, and asked for, or is it something you have learnt to want, because your dom trained you into it? Is it something you do just to please him? And if you have learnt it - when does that bringing down of one's partner become mental/emotional abuse, rather than consensual domination? Does it make you horny? happy? miserable? What?? I don't get it.

2) All you doms who answered that thread enthusiastically - no, really, does seeing an unknown sub humiliate herself like that really please you? In my switchy-bi dreams, I have no desire to humiliate; I only see beauty there. Why do you want to debase a woman like that? (or man etc). How does this mix, in a relationship, with love and respect? What??? Get it even less?

Thank you. Oh - in case you hadn't noticed, yeah, I do have limit issues here! So... I'm trying to learn. Just like Tessa.

[gagged_Louise]

I'm kind of questioning about this too, and I guess part of the trouble with this kind of pics is that they come out so cold. I mean, a naked woman in a cage has a side of humiliation too, of reducing her to flesh and carnality - imagine it in real life! - but that's a hot kind of picture and many women are instantly turned on by this kind of brute helplessness, while a faceless guy presenting his weighed down cock doesn't look hot that way at all.
Maybe it's the fact that the slave presenting a camera shot of his/her own genitals is not one you feel acttively doing anything, except the pic, while a hogtied or caged woman is, you feel, struggling or moving in this space where she's been handed over to the Dom/me, so there's much more of a feel of a relation even if we don't see the other. Just my thoughts...

[TomOfSweden]

It's definitely mine and my slaves top shared fetish and we've talked about it plenty. It gives her a rush. ...and me. It makes her excited and horny. It can make her cum in minutes, while just plain sex without humiliation makes it hard for her to cum. I react in much the same way when I humiliate her. When a woman humiliates herself for me or just at all, it's great to me and I love it.

I don't really care about why. If it makes you horny....go for it. If not, then don't. Both of us have had this kink all our lives.

[cadence]

Humiliation is one of those things, that is hard to clearly define. It is very intimate, full of powerful feelings, and involves a lot of trust. You are letting your barriers down, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and giving complete control to another.

I love to play with humiliation, and like to push the boundaries of it a little more each time. It can be quite a rush, but I can’t just play with anyone, I have to know someone on a much more personal level to submit in that way.

Being taken to a darker place, exposing my vulnerability, turning me into an “object” to be used for someone else’s desire is a satisfying feeling.......................................and well it’s hot.


There is a powerful rush when you do something that is embarrassing, but you do it to please. When the feelings however start to become negative or emotionally challenging, it is time to step back and re-evaluate the situation and where you want to be.

I am a big fan of mindfucks, and I can understand about posting pictures, I tend to think that exhibitionism can be linked very well with humiliation.
I have posted pictures and have felt that rush of exposing myself in that way. I run the risk of someone saying something derogatory and making me feel worthless, but that is part of the process that you learn to get over and move on with.

Humiliation was something that I had never thought about before or really sought out, it found me, and the euphoria I feel when experiencing it, makes me want to do more.

[Euryleia]

I've been on both sides of the humilation coin and it can be a wonderful cycle of arousal, then embarassment for that arousal, more arousal, feeling vulnerable because of the exposure, and feeling even more arousal. For me, there must also be a sense of trust that the play partner won't push too far.

For me, at least, much of it stems from being found out to be a sexual being by those whom you would generally not be sexual around. Job related humiliation (especially with the threat of being caught) is quite a kicker. Getting my g/f to come while at her office or being made to strip in my own can add a certain 'wow' factor to sex.

I have to agree with moptop about the pics, tho. It seems less humiliation and more debasement when you send pictures of yourself to random strangers, especially when there is no danger of those strangers ever coming in contact with you in r/l. I also find the female form to be beautiful and marvelous--neither we nor our desires are filthy. I found the words painted on her skin made me sad and bothered, not hot and bothered.

However, echoing others, if it gets your motor running and is consensual, then go for it. If it does not, communicate that to your play partner. There are plenty of other things that you can do instead.

[John56{vg}]

I agree with ER on this one.

I love and respect the subs I dom, very much. I don't want them to REALLY be found out at work or hurt publicly, but we both seem to get a rush out of doing some of those things.

And I agree about the posting of pictures as well, too much for me.

[Alex Bragi]

BDSM_Tourguide posted an excellent article, Humiliation vs. Degradation,
about this topic here.

[cadence]

BDSM_Tourguide has written an excellent article, Humiliation vs. Degradation,
about this topic here.

Thanks Alex I was trying to locate that article

[Euryleia]

You're right that's a great article. Good points about trust, especially.

[Alex Bragi]

You're right that's a great article. Good points about trust, especially.

Yes, you're right. You know what, I think that one's worth bumping/rehashing.

[gagged_Louise]

Totally agree, lucid article - and maybe the typeface colour could be changed too so it stood out more clearly.

[moptop]

For those of you who have not seen the original thread that prompted me to ask this, it is here
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ht=humiliation

[His_blizzard]

That thread made me a tad uncomfortable.I think the part I found most disturbing was "fat pig". Says a lot for how depraved I am. Call me anything but don't dare call me fat. Hmmm.....
Seriously though, I guess the only way we would know if this is in fact abuse is to know the couple first hand. But being called useless and dirty will never arouse me. I would find it extremely upsetting. However, being called "slut" or "whore" is a high compliment coming from my Master.
As for the wet jeans pic... that is a toally different story. I know many BDSM couples that get off over having the sub wet herself, even in public. That is a whole nother kink! ~blizz~

[sipgirl]

It is truly my belief that humiliation has a place in a relationship if both parties are consenting adults and agree to it. Wasnt the discussion about hard limits going on not too long ago? If you dont like it or it bothers you then set it as a hard limit. I surely refuse to judge anyone for posting pics or doing things I wouldnt do. Personally for me calling my Master "daddy" would be absolutely sick and disgusting...but many find it arousing...to each their own.
For me humiliation is an absolute turn on. Theres nothing better then being in public somewhere and having him whisper in my ear...."If only these people knew what a little whore you are."
I do however believe that degradation is a whole other story, but again..to each their own. For me humiliation works..I trust my Master and enjoy it immensly.