robertpaullocke's 2nd Assignment

[Dragon's muse]

For your second assignment, craft a scene/chapter/story that includes the following elements.

A pair of reading glasses
A birdcage
A toy stuffed panda

[robertpaullocke]

Walking into the play room, I see her looking pitiful She looks at me with several of my doves in her human size bird cage they have pooped on her large breasts. There is a concentrated look on her face. I had to laugh at this pitiful sight. She had been crying all morning not from the beating that I gave her for burning my eggs, but because she threw out an old box that held my niece’s 9th birthday present. Fortunately, I bought two large stuffed Panda bears. The one thing that my slave hates is when I take my glasses down and give her that very disappointed father stare.
“ I know what you did was an accident.” I walked up to the birdcage. She is still not looking at me. Her embarrassment normally is punishment enough, this time, we had several friends of ours over from the night before and I had to do something as to not look bad in front of them.
“ Do you have anything to say before I let you out?”
“ I do not know why you want me after I smell like Bird.”
“ Because I love you. “ I open up the birdcage as I let her out, the birds all fly out and return to the safety of their private bird perches through out the playroom. As She gets out of the cage, I hug her tightly

[Dragon's muse]

Very Interesting. A little more characterization would be nice though. It is easier to bring the reader into the story with characters they can care about.

This really seems a bit disjointed, and awkwardly expressed. Read it aloud and you will see what i mean.
i will get your next assignment posted today or tomorrow.

Walking into the play room, I see her looking pitiful. She looks at me, with several of my doves, in her human size bird cage; they have pooped on her large breasts. There is a concentrated look (not sure what this means)on her face. I had to laugh at this pitiful sight. She had been crying all morning, not from the beating that I gave her for burning my eggs, but because she threw out an old box that held my niece’s 9th birthday present. Fortunately, I bought two large stuffed Panda bears. The one thing that my slave hates is when I take my glasses down and give her that very disappointed father stare.
“ I know what you did was an accident.” I walked up to the birdcage. She is still not looking at me. Her embarrassment normally is punishment enough, (; ) this time, we had several friends of ours over from the night before and I had to do something as (delete)to not look bad in front of them.
“ Do you have anything to say before I let you out?”
“ I do not know why you want me after I smell like Bird.”
“ Because I love you. “ I open up the birdcage as I (to)let her out, (; )the birds all fly out and return to the safety of their private bird (delete) perches through out (one word) the playroom. As She gets out of the cage, I hug her tightly.

[Dragon's muse]

Will get to this first thing in the morning.

rose

[robertpaullocke]

there are some days I think I am better at poetry

[Rhabbi]

there are some days I think I am better at poetry

Nothing wrong with being good at poetry. I wish I was better at it myself.

Let me tell you what I would like to see from your stories.

I like the basic ideas behind what you write, but you seem to want to get them in ASAP. That is not the idea here. You need to develop the stories more. Quite often I find I have more ideas about the people in the story than I can ever use. I recently wrote a 3,000 word story that ended up without about 10,000 words of background and notes.

This may seem excessive, but it actually helps me to know a persons background so I can write them as more than a piece of cardboard. did he go to college? What did she do as a child? all these details make the characters more real.

I am not saying you need to the lengths I do, but this really helps me focus the story. There are a lot of good techniques for things like that in Pencil Sharpening, why not check them out?