Age, not Age Play

[gemmy]

Age play aside, being a gurl of an over 40 age (which frankly, i love), i'm just curious here about that...

...many gurls my age are only just getting brave enough to voice their deep desires to be submissives, finally putting the 'deviant shame' aside and embracing it in a world where so many young gurls (18 - 25) already know so much about...

the general view (both vanilla and BDSM), is men like younger gurls - is it just about Age and Age Play or is that the fulfillment of a base fantasy in men simply?

just a wonder *smiles*

gem,
xo

[jeanne]

Some men like young women, some don't. Some Doms like age play, some don't. I don't know if the combination of the two tendencies is more prevalent in BDSM or not.

Wow. That was uniquely unhelpful, wasn't it?

[gemmy]

Some men like young women, some don't. Some Doms like age play, some don't. I don't know if the combination of the two tendencies is more prevalent in BDSM or not.

Wow. That was uniquely unhelpful, wasn't it?

*giggles* it really was hunnie lol but scarily enough, i do know what you mean - it is all individual, but it seems that one theme is....ummm, most common? (for lack of a better word).

[jeanne]

*giggles* it really was hunnie lol but scarily enough, i do know what you mean - it is all individual, but it seems that one theme is....ummm, most common? (for lack of a better word).

Hopefully some Doms will answer your question with their thoughts/experiences. That will be interesting.

[DowntownAmber]

From the female perspective, I have always preferred older men to younger or those my same age. Although I wondered about this particular penchant of mine for awhile, I recently came across an article that stated the optimum age difference between a man and a woman is 15 years (the man being the older partner). The study was based on what women find attractive in men (maturity, security, fidelity, etc.) and what men find attractive in women (physical appearance, energy level, etc.). I don't know if there was any genuine scientific basis to it, but the article pointed to that age split having the lowest percentage of divorces per couple. Who knows?

[gemmy]

From the female perspective, I have always preferred older men to younger or those my same age. Although I wondered about this particular penchant of mine for awhile, I recently came across an article that stated the optimum age difference between a man and a woman is 15 years (the man being the older partner). The study was based on what women find attractive in men (maturity, security, fidelity, etc.) and what men find attractive in women (physical appearance, energy level, etc.). I don't know if there was any genuine scientific basis to it, but the article pointed to that age split having the lowest percentage of divorces per couple. Who knows?

i've also always liked older men but as i get older the gap closes a bit, so by that analysis above, my optimal age group is 55 *winks*

[BorderCollie]

Hi Ya Gang,
My sub/wife is 52 and I am 46... Works great for us, as we both consider age is JUST a number.

[crazy_grrluk]

there is 10 years difference between me and S1... me being the younger

as BorderCollie said... age at this age is just a number

cg

[icey]

men who prefer younger women often tend to be the stereo type that just want to show their mates hey look mate my birds better than yours kind of thing maybe its an ego booster, ok thats not all of them and its normal to be proud of your partner and want to show them off a little.

ive also known a lot of lesbians who like to have the 'dolly bird' on their arms too.
then again maybe its just me that doesnt want to admit that im getting a bit over the hill *winks*

i tend to go for older men but its the person i like not their age.

[Red Dragon {mpellegrino}]

mmmm well Im Dom (checks profile) yup it says Im Dom so must be right. Since I was a teenager I have preferred older ladies. (35-50). As I get older the gap gets closer it seems but in my head I see myself as young still (thank god for fantasy).

However I seem, on the relatively few occations I have playedover the years , to attract youger subs (looking for a a mentor figure I guess). I am not convinced that most Doms look for younger subs but my opinion is somewhat weighted by my preferences (age is only one) which indicate that most of what attracts me is to be found in a more mature sub. (Age is not neccessarily a good indicator of maturity I find)

Did that answer the question in any way? LOL I'm a daft old Dragon.

[gemmy]

mmmm well Im Dom (checks profile) yup it says Im Dom so must be right. Since I was a teenager I have preferred older ladies. (35-50). As I get older the gap gets closer it seems but in my head I see myself as young still (thank god for fantasy).

However I seem, on the relatively few occations I have playedover the years , to attract youger subs (looking for a a mentor figure I guess). I am not convinced that most Doms look for younger subs but my opinion is somewhat weighted by my preferences (age is only one) which indicate that most of what attracts me is to be found in a more mature sub. (Age is not neccessarily a good indicator of maturity I find)

Did that answer the question in any way? LOL I'm a daft old Dragon.

*giggles* Hotstuff, you are far from daft!

[Red Dragon {mpellegrino}]

*giggles* Hotstuff, you are far from daft!

Wouldn't bet on it & you are way too kind mgem, thank you.

Also, at least online it would be my hallucination that av age of men is somewhat higher than that of the av age of females. Therefore it is likely there are higher percentage of older men younger ladies. Hot sure that helps but just a thought that online figues may be swayed slightly by that. (waits for someone to shoot me own in flames LOL)

Dragon

[Tojo]

I won't deny that I'm attracted to young women- I'd love to have a 19 or 20 yr old around to play with. I could too if my wife would let me, but that's another story....

However the reality is that it just wouldn't be right- much as I try, I'm just not that shallow. My wife is 10 yrs my junior, but is more mature than me in a lot of ways.

To me, the guys who want to want to meet a teenager, or 20 yr old when they're my age (48) aren't being fair to the girl concerned, & need to take a long hard look at themselves.

[Aussiegirl1]

Hmmm interesting question. I too only let my submissive side come out when I turned 40and am amazed that girls as young as 18 know what they do about BDSM. I know I had no idea at all it even existed at that age!

I was lucky to meet two special men, both who just happened to be older then me. I didn't set out to get to know either of them, but it just felt right.

Obviously some Doms do prefer younger girls, just like some vanilla guys prefer younger girls. Lucikly for us, all Doms are different and there are many who prefer girls that are not 18!

[_ID_]

As a guy, and a Dom; age does factor in, but only in that I have a range I can be okay with. 10 years older was my first sub, and have dated a sub that was 11 years younger. Age wasn't really a factor as much as intellect and compatibility.

Though I do find if you meet someone in the 18 to 23 stage, they lack a mature personality that comes with the age of an older woman.

[TomOfSweden]

Another good thing about older women is that if they look good, they do because they work for it and deserve it. It says a lot more about their character than a pretty younger girl. I like a sub I can admire.

As far as relationship material is concerned, I've got quite a tendency to only be attracted to girls/women the same age as me . But when it's just down to some fooling around and sex, age is just a number.

It's not some kind of principal I have. It's just that I like a partner in life I can connect with. Basic things like music taste and childhood references, which is in no way connected to my BDSM interests.

[GreyJack]

Wow, there are so many other factors than age that get involved, aren't there? I've always been attracted not by "types" (which includes age groups) but by what the dynamic of the relationship is all about. Call it that "spark", animal magnetism, chemistry, whatever, but if it's not there, no matter what the other qualities are, then nothing is going deeper in the relationship. Younger women can be mature or not, same for older women. One of the factors with older women though is that they can have a lot more "baggage" to work through -- when you have to deal with a trail of ex-s that are ex-s for however many reasons, it can be tedious. But it all comes down to what you want in your partner, right? How do they make you feel by who and what they are. I don't think age is a great factor except to the players or to the young who want someone with experience. I've had women much older and much younger then the 10 year gap. I don't think age is significant -- personality and behavior is.

[~faerie~]

For my Master and i there is a very large age difference. me being younger. However when we first began talking it was our common interests and our personalities that first interested us. Age wasnt really a factor. We talked about it but we agree that it has much more to do with what we can offer eachother and the chemistry between us. *smiles*

[gemmy]

hmmmm so the general consensus is it's all about personality and connection, regardless of age

so it's all just mere coincidence that a high majority of older men have younger women then?

please know, i'm not trying to make judgement here, just a curious thing that as i get older seems to be more prevelant i suppose and i was hoping to find a little insight by posing this

i myself, as stated above, have a huge preference to older men than i, it just seems the natural order to me, the same as Him being Dom to my sub, Him tall and large to my short and small, etc, but my 'natural' isn't going to be the same as everyone elses

it just seems this age thing works out for all, both vanilla and BDSM *smiles*

[Sir_Russell]

Tojo
For a while I thought I was the only Dom that felt that way here. Part of taking responsibility for them is realizing that it can't last long term since age does work its wonders.

[DowntownAmber]

Tojo and Russell: I do agree that such an age difference does present its difficulties. For a brief time I was involved with a man 29 years my senior and although we had deep affection for each other none of us even bothered to pretend it could be a long term relationship.

I did want to add, however, that it falls just as much to the sub to have to recognize this as it does to the Dom. Master and I are split by 17 years and we have had the "age does work its wonders" conversation (as Sir Russell puts it). In all honesty, this will affect me more than it does Him as the years go by and I have had to put considerable thought into how I will handle this and how it will affect any children we may have. In the end, it is my love and my heart and I will give it to whom I choose and I have chosen to gift it to J-Go in exchange for His love and care as long as He is willing and able to provide it.

I am thankful every day He chose to know me instead of passing me over because of my age.

[gemmy]

Tojo and Russell: I do agree that such an age difference does present its difficulties. For a brief time I was involved with a man 29 years my senior and although we had deep affection for each other none of us even bothered to pretend it could be a long term relationship.

I did want to add, however, that it falls just as much to the sub to have to recognize this as it does to the Dom. Master and I are split by 17 years and we have had the "age does work its wonders" conversation (as Sir Russell puts it). In all honesty, this will affect me more than it does Him as the years go by and I have had to put considerable thought into how I will handle this and how it will affect any children we may have. In the end, it is my love and my heart and I will give it to whom I choose and I have chosen to gift it to J-Go in exchange for His love and care as long as He is willing and able to provide it.

I am thankful every day He chose to know me instead of passing me over because of my age.

Amber, i've no idea how old you are and truly it matters not, you're an intelligent gurl and that is clearly evident in all your posts, you show an insight and maturity that is refreshing

i agree that the sub needs to accept responsibility in it as well but some younger ones wouldn't, and couldn't, even begin to know what that is and if they are sub relying on a Master, the chances of them really knowing without experiencing is even less - in that light, i have to agree more with Sir Russell in that the older, more experienced, Dominant needs to tread very carefully here and take the responsibility seriously in how he may affect and/or damage a young one.

[DowntownAmber]

Amber, i've no idea how old you are and truly it matters not, you're an intelligent gurl and that is clearly evident in all your posts, you show an insight and maturity that is refreshing

i agree that the sub needs to accept responsibility in it as well but some younger ones wouldn't, and couldn't, even begin to know what that is and if they are sub relying on a Master, the chances of them really knowing without experiencing is even less - in that light, i have to agree more with Sir Russell in that the older, more experienced, Dominant needs to tread very carefully here and take the responsibility seriously in how he may affect and/or damage a young one.

(Just for clarification's sake, I'm in my twenties.)

You're entirely correct gem, as were Tojo and Sir Russell. There are many many women (and men, for that matter) that "wouldn't and couldn't begin to know" what emotional maturity is, much less excercise it in the face of passion and desire and the unique chemistry in a D/s relationship. I suspct the nugget of semantics I was trying to unearth was that emotional maturity is not always attached to age, and that if a Dom can respect and love a woman enough to want to take her on as His sub, that I would hope He would consider her mature enough to decide for herself if the age difference is going to be a problem. If a Dom ever doubts a sub's ability to fully understand what she is getting into, I would hope He would not agree to take responsibility for her in the first place.

Of course, I am trying to put myself into a Dom frame of mind here to consider this, so any Dom's that would like to weigh in (again) I'd love to listen!

[Tojo]

Yeah I agree that there are 20 yr olds who are more mature than some in their 40s. Perhaps on the face of it, it could work between people so different in age.

But what a thing to do to someone so young- 'Is that your Dad, or Grandpa?' when you go out together. Imagine meeting each other's family & finding you're older than her father?? Will you ever have friends in common?

One day one of you will be 70 & a danger on the roads, while the other will be 40 or 50, still living life to the full.

I said to my girl right at the start, that I want to be 'part of your life, not your whole life' I said it could never work if we were together in person due to our age difference.

It might sound great to her- but I'm pushing 50 & she's in her early twenties. She ultimately needs someone her own age.

There are exceptions, but in general terms, a man on the wrong side of 40 needs to be very damn careful what he says to a 20 y/o.

Ask yourself if you really care- if you're a real Dom, you will love & cherish any girl you talk to- & not just for a few weeks....

[Ozme52]

As a lad I preferred older women to those of my own age.

It turns out that I'm not necessarily attracted to older women... just women of that particular age group. So now... that happens to be younger women. 30's and 40's

Someone in their 20's has to be very well educated, witty, and well rounded to keep my attention these days... though youth has its attractions.

But then, I was recently promised that when I'm in my 90's, my sub will get me a twenty-year old girl to die on.

I have a question though.... is it wrong to want to practice?

[Logic1]

As for me women of my own age group 28-35ish is what attracts me (except Catherine Zeta-Jones cause damn!)
Young girls sure can be pretty and all, but to keep my attention that has to be just like Oz said very well educated, witty and well rounded to keep my attention.

I have been with a girl 10 years my junior and a woman 8 years my senior but either of them (for me) just wasnt meant to last.

[Sir_Russell]

that is all well and good but lets see baring unforseen accidents when you are 40 he will be sixty five when your 50 he will be 75. At fifty I was still quite the fellow and now 10 years later I have to work had and the body just won't cooperate take twice the work to get the same degree of fitness. It is a fact not a number, I am glad you are working out but I just have to wonder who will be hurt the most later.

[GreyJack]

I applaud Delia for what IMHO is the best response to this. Large discrepancies in age of partners only seems to be a "big deal" to those who see it as a problem in some unforseeable future. But who lives in the future? I don't live there anymore than I live in the past. If you find a partner who fulfills what you want and need now, isn't that the important thing? As for thinking about some distant future? Well, who would have children then, knowing they were going to be, say, 70, and their child only 50? or 30? or even 20? Charlie Chaplin married Oona O'Neil (daughter of playright Eugene O'Neil) in 1943. He was 54; she was 18. Chaplin died in 1977. They were together all that time in a fruitful and apparently happy marriage. Thirty-five years is a marvelously long time to share together a loving relationship. Sure, more might be better, but if the relationship and chemistry work, why make age difference the criteria for unhappiness now?

[DowntownAmber]

There have been some great posts to this thread, and what I keep thinking as I read each POV is that everyone, although saying different things, IS RIGHT. It truly is what works best for each relationship and partner.

As I mentioned, I had a brief relationship with a partner nearly 30 years my senior. All aspects of our relationship were marvelous, but I knew deep down that I would not have felt comfortable having kids with him nor would I have felt that I could have gotten the full experience out of being a partner and wife to him that I deserved -- I want to build a life with someone, not step into an already completed project. I just knew in my heart that even if the future held nothing but the best under the circumstances, I had missed that proverbial bus.

With J and I, the 17 year split is still a factor, but not one that seems impossible to cope with. Under optimum circumstances I know there will still be challenges and sacrifices, but I'm more than willing to take those on. Under not-so-optimum circumstances, well, no one can plan for those, can they?

Long story short, understand what you're getting into and take he time to consider what you truly will and will not be able to deal with.

[gemmy]

Well, quite the can of worms I started lol

This has been an interesting read and thanks to all for your input.

It really is about the fit and what makes each of us happy - yes, we can worry all day about tomorrow and what if, but it makes for a very empty and unfulfilling now don't you think?

I do think that in relationships where there is a huge gap, it will be affected at some point in time just by the very nature of getting older - we all grow up and gain different levels of maturity as we do and at varying points, that may at some point figure into a relationship that has many years between it. Again, that's wondering what if and a waste of energy

If it works and the parties involved are happy, isn't that what we all strive to? In any relationship really? I know i do and wish it for all of you as well

*smiles*