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scarletakb What about size? 04-25-2004, 05:34 PM
James2024 I may be a sub but i have... 04-25-2004, 05:55 PM
fetish101 people like WhipIt that post... 04-25-2004, 06:45 PM
Guest So Far So Good 04-25-2004, 07:50 PM
Morrighan I'm neither male nor dominant... 04-25-2004, 08:13 PM
  1. #1
    Registered User
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    What about size?

    I'm having a little problem with a personal issue that is really starting to affect my ability to submit properly, and is also affecting my sexual enjoyment. My size. I'm not a very tall girl, only about 5' 1".. I am very well proportioned. but, I'm definately overweight. I've done real well, and have lost about 50 pounds in the last 15 months.. but, I'll be honest, I need to lose about 50 more.

    I do yoga, LOTS of yoga, actually,. I also walk 5 times a week, and swim laps. So, I'm not "blubbery"... I'm very toned, but, I'm about a size 14. And on my height, that's still pretty big.

    I know several months ago, there was a nasty thread about women who are into BDSM being big. And, I probably shouldn't have read it, but, I did. And, I can't say that it began my insecurity.. but, it certainly added to it.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that I since I don't feel good about my size, I find myself very reluctant to get into certain positions. or to try certain things because I'm afraid I will "gross out" my lover. (I'm married.. my husband has never been able to perform, so I've taken a lover who is very into the dom/sub thing)

    So, I guess I'm looking for a little objectivity. You Male Doms out there, what do you think about a girl who is carrying around extra weight? If you have a larger lover, do you ever get grossed out by her body? or is that just something us women think up in our minds? And for you Female Subs out there that are heavier like I am... how do you get past those inhibitions so you can just enjoy, and obey?

  2. #2
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    I may be a sub but i have some adivce for you. Confidence is very atractive to us men. Your lover obvisouly does not find you unattarctive or he would not be your lover right? So i suggest contiinuie to fight with your weight and stop worrying about when it comes to your lover.


    I should add that i to fight this battle constanly i am 6'2 320 pounds and it can be hard to be confident. However i find that when i am things are much easier then when i worry about it.

  3. #3
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    people like WhipIt that post comments or start threads like that should be taken as idiots and disregarded. I'm very sorry his hurtful, baseless comments affected your confidence. It shouldn't have.

    Many people are overweight, what separates you from the rest of them is you fully acknowledge it and have for the last 15 months done proactive things to change the situation. You need to focus on the good, not the negative. After I broke my back over the summer I became very depressed and started eating and drinking a lot more. I became over weight due to the inactivity while recovering. At my worst, I was 220 pounds and 6 feet tall (it wasn't muscle pounds, trust me). Now, after 4 months of a very steady diet and 1 1/2 hours of exercise each day I weigh 185 and am in the best shape of my life.

    None of that could have happened if I didn't make the choice to do something proactive about it. You have made that choice, stick to it and you will get the results you want. Your lover/husband probably sees your progress and is proud of your dedication and accomplishments, not "disgusted" by your body.

    90% of the problem is admitting you have a problem and actively making a decision to do something about it. Once you get into a habit of working out and eating right, it becomes no problem at all to stick with it. People like WhipIt who make hurtful comments should just fuel you to not stray from your goal, not bring you down.

    So, I'll end this post by applauding your conviction and achievement of getting half way to your goal. Keep it up! You know you can do it.

  4. #4
    drake7
    Guest

    So Far So Good

    scarletakb you sound like you are on the right track.

    I substitute teach yoga at the health club I belong to and I can't say enough about its' benefits. The fact you are into it is a good thing, especially combined with your other activities.

    The fact you are aware you are overweight and pursuing a more healthy lifestyle puts you ahead of the game by far, couple this with the fact that your lover is obviously attracted to you as you are makes your situation seem pretty good.

    My advice is to not worry about what anyone else but your lover thinks, since he seems happy with you to hell with what some twit says in a deliberately hateful post.

    Talk to your lover about any body image issues you have and see what input he has- he obviously saw something he likes

  5. #5
    Trickster
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
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    I'm neither male nor dominant (sexually, anyway) but I've been through what you're going through. When I decided to enlist, I had to lose fifty pounds to meet my weight requirement. It took a year of working out (two hours a day, five-six days a week) and a diet to lose it. And I tried all the diets, including the cabbage soup diet, which kind of worked. Kind of meaning that I got sick as a dog and lost five pounds that way.

    It's hard for men to understand what it's like for a woman, being overweight. You look in the mirror every day and hate what you see. You're uncomfortable, and your self-esteem takes a nosedive. You don't consider yourself attractive enough for anyone's interest. And it's harder for women to lose that weight; our metabolisms are generally slower, and we have more body fat to begin with. The best advice I could give you is to stick with it, and RUN. Running burns off more calories than just about any other exercise. At my best, I was running 15-18, sometimes 20 miles a week. It took a long time to work up to that, though. When I first started, I was running two miles in 40 minutes. There were the shin splints, and the self-consciousness every time I walked onto the track at the gym. It's HARD. One of the hardest things I've ever done, including basic training.

    I feel your pain. But from a different angle, losing the weight didn't make me that much happier. Oh, I was proud of it; proud of every new muscle that appeared, proud that I could see my collarbones again, and that my cheekbones sharpened. I LOVED being able to find stylish jeans again. (They just do not make them for anyone above a size 10. God, I hated clothes shopping.) But with all that, you have to be happy and confidant with who you are, not what you look like. Trite, but true. Good luck.

    Morrighan
    That which yields is not always weak.

  6. #6
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    It's hard for men to understand what it's like for a woman, being overweight.

    ahem



    i think your not giving us men enough credit


    i konw for me i do understand that sturggle all to well.


    corse i have four sisters and was rasied by my mother as a single parent

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