Rowen's Ramblings

[Rowen]

Hello.. being new, inexperienced and sometimes confused I had many PMs with some of the more experienced members (thanks again!) In our talks thrall suggested several times to put these thoughts, worries, ideas to the forums. “that’s what they are there for” Once again, she said the right words at the right moment in the right way…her being thrall.

Many subjects will have been covered in the numerous threads, that being a bit of a problem…just were to look and to find?? And..well..times and opinions change. Some new discussion never harms, so I thought about starting this new thread..
Indeed about the thoughts, worries, experiences (good and wrong), feelings and questions of those curious and confused about that need to meet…

First post will be on safety in an online relationship, please let me know wether or not you like it, wether or not this is a good idea.

Rowen

[Rowen]

Reading Tojo thread “that first meeting” (see http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=14351) I wanted to share my online experiences AND give some hints to keep it safe even before that first meeting. Hope you like it, it being the first ever thread on a forum I started…

This whole online business was/is completely new to me…still insecure about, as several members by now know. There are no plans for meeting in real life, at least so far…us being on the different sides of the Atlantic and mistress already in a relationship.

That being said I think I have learned that even online there a some precautions necessary, and wether or not the other party is willing to agree tells you a lot! So here is my experience so far.

1. After the initial mailings with Slut Linda, when things started to get serious and I got those mails from Miss Tanya, I did ask for a reality check. Miss Tanya immediately responded she thought this was a good idea.

2. We did this by sending pics, in which a greeting was added. In fact the profile pic of Slut Linda was her picture. However:

3. We agreed on that paramount rule: no pics on which the person can be recognised, especially NO faces. It did so happen that Slut Linda made the mistake of sending that pic without her face blurred! We mailed about that immediately and though we did use it to torment her (come on guys, what domme wouldn’t have!) we made it clear from the beginning: never ever would that pic go online.

4. When sending pics about performed tasks, once again, no recognizable pics. Ever. We are about to exchange some “nilla” pics, especially after her car accident. But the “compromising ones”, NEVER. Miss Tanya (and I as well) wouldn’t ask that ever, in fact she always agrees to whatever I do to prevent identification (be it blurring of the face, not include the face or scars, tattoos etc in the picture, wearing a balaclava whatever)

5. Don’t use emails, data of phones that can be easily traced. Of course, never ever use your work-email!! Use a nickname, a Gmail, Yahoo or Hotmail account. You might even think about using a proxy server, but that is a little paranoid. A genuine dom will accept that, in fact will recommend it. Be aware of most email programs having that nasty trait of sending mails using the preferred account. If that is your main account you might reveal your name unintentionally. It happened to me during troubles with my internet connection…and believe me, it scared the sh*t out of me.

6. However if such things happen, look at what the other party does… It is in fact another reality check. The “gleeful ahaa” response as Miss Tanya called it tells you enough: GET AWAY before worse happens. And no, she didn’t made that “ahaa” response….

7. Check out at what the other party really does want… We are still working that out, but a good dom will want to know what the submissive really wants, will insist on informing each other on the likes, the do and don’ts. He or she WILL care about your safety! If it is only “do as I say or you’re gone” well, then you better be gone!

8. Never ever allow the online D/S relationship to endanger your real life, be it family, work, relatives. Once again, Miss Tanya stated time and again that specific care would and will be taken to prevent our relationship influencing that.- on both sides.

So, as a general guideline for online safety I would summarize:

1. Protect your identity be it name, face, mail, phone. If the other party demands otherwise, leave!

2. Do a reality check, within the limits of rule1. If the other party refuses, get out!

3. Read between the lines and find out if your safety, wishes and limits are respected. If not, if the dom demands you to do things you really don’t want to do, that endanger your safety, that may expose you, etc get out while you can.

And of course, if even one of the above problems arise..don’t even think of meeting in real life, most certainly never ever alone. A rape story may be exciting to read, it is living hell to experience!!



Keep playing but keep it safe!

Rowen

[thrall]

Thank you Rowen

You are catching on quickly and your Domme seems to be taking very good care of you and your safety.

Be safe and have fun...

[Rowen]

trhall, thanks, as said, your opinion does count.
ashton, thanks as well, ofcourse your opinion does count as well!!
Meanwhile her slave has joined as well...could get interesting over here!

[ashtonDs]

Good job Rowen

[Rowen]

On the forum I have read about the online relationships of some of the members, some of them most touching.....sometimes developing in real life relations.
Looking at my own experience and feelings I wonder wether it is a blessing or a torment. Blessing because it makes it possible to meet that need that apparantly exists, to try out likes and dislikes, to safely test and experiment, to get to know people you would normally never have met.
Or is it in fact a torment, giving you a taste of something you don’t have in real life, make the longing only bigger and bigger meanwhile making you realise just how much you miss it, yearning to experience what other members share.
Tell me, what is the case for you? What did it bring you?