Six of the best at school with the slipper

[james]

Hi Everyone,
I have written a little account of when I was at school and got six of the best. I am wondering about expanding it and getting it published. I would first though like your comments about what you think so far. Thankyou and my best wishes to you all.


It was just after half term in the Easter term and a friend of mine
had been to France and brought back some french bangers. You lit the
ends and they banged like a fire work.

Well next to the school was a pitch and putt golf course and we
decided in lunch time to go there and let some off as no one was about.
We had let off about 5 altogether making a huge bang each time when a
man approached us. He was the groundsman at the course and knew by our
uniforms that we went to school next door and he knew the headmaster
and many teachers.He was livid with us and took us back to the school
himself. He got chatting to the secretary who said the Head would be in
touch and that us 3 boys would need to wait outside his study to
explain our actions to him. The groundsman duly left and we had to wait
what seemed like ages as the headmaster was still at lunch. We had all
been smacked by him before and were wondering just what he would do
this time as this was the biggest crime by far that any of us had done.
On his arrival the secretary came out of her office and explained why
us three boys were waiting outside his study. He looked cross and told
us to get in and explain ourselves to him.

He sat at his desk whilst we were all standing in front of him telling
him what we had done. Andy went first telling him of the french bangers
he had and what we had done. Bernard then tried to tell him we had not
realised how loud the bangers were or we would not have let them off as
we knew it would have scared the public. The headmaster told us he was
very cross with what we had done and confiscated the remaining bangers
Andy still had in his pocket and that Andy's parents would be told as
he should not have been able to get such a thing. He gave us a long
lecture of what he expected and that we had let the school down and our
behaviour was unacceptable to the school. I was worried that he may
suspend or even expell us as we only had a term and a half to go at
that school.

He then opened his top desk draw. I knew then that we were all going
to get the slipper as from past experiences I knew that is where it was
kept. His slipper was a blue and green tartan pattern one that was very
tatty. Not surprising from the number of bottoms it had been on. This
time though it had changed. It was a brand new spanking (pardon the
pun!) black leather slipper with a thick sole, I knew it was going to
hurt. I could tell it had never been worn where as with the old tartan
tatty one we used to laugh about how long he had worn it for before
using it to smack us boys as it was so tatty.

He told us we would have to write a letter of appology each to the
pitch and putt olf course as we should not have been on that land and
how bad we were for letting off the bangers. The head with slipper in
both hands then said we were all going to get thrashed. We were in a
line in front of his desk which he was walking around and he told us to
bend over. It was always horrible to be smacked at that school as
anyone outside could hear you getting it (certainly the secretary would
hear each smack) and he never told you before how many you were going
to get, he just smacked you. Andy was at one end and I was at the other
with Bernard in the middle. Whilst bending over in that line I wodnered
if Andy or I would be first.

I watched between my legs with hands on shins to see where the head
was going. He stood behind Andy then I heard an almighty smack as the
slipper hit his bum. The whole room echoed with that smack and I felt
this time he was spanking harder than ever or was it that this new
slipper of his made more impact. With each smack I counted in my head
as to when it would end. I knew Andy's bottom must be getting hotter
and hotter. I kept looking accross whilst bent over but Bernards head
was in the way. I noticed Bernard looking though and he had a quick
look at me with a frown as if to say this must be hurting and burning
like hell.

After I had counted six the Headmaster then moved behind Bernard. I
wondered if Andy was getting more than us for bringing in the bangers
or if we were all going to get six as well. Again the slipper whizzed
through the air with an almighty smack as it landed but this time on
Bernards bottom. I looked slightly at Bernard and saw his face grimace
with pain after the first one. Smack, again the slipper landed and
again Bernards face screwed up as it landed. He did not look around
just kept his face starring at the floor in total concentration, From
each whack I knew it was hurting as he kept screwing up his face and
after four kept his face screwed up as it must have been hurting so
much. I could tell from his eyes that he was close to tears and
wondered how Andy was at the other end still bent over untill we had
all been punished. I was getting very frightened as Bernard had been
whacked the most by the Headmaster on other occasions and was clear he
was in great pain so I was dreading my turn.

After I had counted six with Bernard the headmaster walked behind me.
I was terrified as I now knew I was getting six of the best as well and
judging by Bernards facial expressions this was going to hurt a lot. I
had visited the head a few times and got three which frankly hurt
enough but six I felt would be off the spectrum with pain. Neither Andy
or Bernard had yelped with pain and I was concerned that I may. The
only sound we had hurd for the past few minutes was either that of the
head walking behind us or the slipper itself.

Once the head was behind me I watched him between my legs with great
concern. He pulled my jumper up from over my bottom and slightly up my
back over my shirt so it did not get in the way. He then brought his
right arm right back whilst not taking his eyes off my bum. The slipper
then whizzed through the air as he fired his arm foreward for the first
smack. Whack as it landed on the top of my bum. It hurt already and I
wanted to go not get another 5. He then pulled his arm back and again
with enthusiasm smacked me again. This time it landed accross the
middle of my buttocks and slightly over lapping the first one. I kept
my bottom tense as so as to try and stop it from hurting so much when
whack the third one landed, this time across the bottom of my buttocks
slightly overlapping the last one and right on the crease that adjoins
your bum and tops of your legs. I knew the whole of my bottom was
covered with red as he smacked the whole of it and yet there were still
3 to go. I could no longer keep my buttocks tense as it felt like a
dead bottom rather like when you get a dead leg. Far too sore to tense
it. Whack, the fourth one landed near where the first one had been and
certainly douled the pain. The saving grace I guess was he always
smacked over trousers and pants as I knew on the bare would be
terrible. The fifth one landed in a simialar place to the second. By
now my face was scrunched up as the pain was so severe. I could feel
tears welling up in my eyes and I wanted to scream with each whack. I
felt my legs tremble and I could not bear much more. Whack, last one
landed on the middle to lower of my bottom. At last it was over but I
just kept telling myslef not to cry as my bum was burning.

The Headmaster then told us to stand up and turn around. I now saw
Andy and could see there had been tears running down his face. He said
we could expect six of the best again should we do anything else wrong
in our final few months at his school. He also told us to write the
letters he had ordered and to hand them to him in person for inspection
before the end of the day. We then left rubbing our bottoms better. I
really wanted to jump up and down to ease the pain.

I could see the secretary in her office smirking through her office
door as we left the hall whislt Kathryn a girl I liked in my class was
wating outside his study. Later on that day Kathryn told us she had to
see the Head over her good report card and on hearing the first smack
looked through the keyhole and had a great view of us all getting our
bottoms smacked, most embarrassing I fond. The other two said it did
not hurt as usual, but gosh it did.

For the rest of the day it was hard to sit down and when I initially
inspected my bottom in the boys loo's it was bright red as though
sunburnt. That night it was brusied and over the next few days it was
black, blue yellow and purple in bruise colour. It certainly felt stiff
like an over excercised muscle for the next 3 to 4 days as well.




__________________________________________________ ________

Free games for a wet weekend - http://www.tiscali.co.uk/play
__________________________________________________ ________

[Alex Bragi]

Mmm..what a hot little story this is.

It's a good premises but, in my opinion, it could do with a little extra polishing to gain those good high ratings you should be aiming for.

This is what I noted as I read.

Punctuation: Your piece contains not commas and it could use a few.

Dialog: Your piece contains none. Nothing brings a piece of fiction to living breathing 3d faster in a reader’s head than dialog. So, don't let those opportunities to allow your character's to talk slip by.

Show, don’t tell: Don’t fall into the trap of telling things that are better told by your characters or better shown rather than told by you.. Confused? Telling--He was livid. Showing--He almost had steam coming out of his ears.

Word clutter: Don’t bog your reader down with repeated or excess words or information. e.g. "... when a man approached us. He was the groundsman.." is cluttered adn would read tighter as ...when the groundsman approached us..

Brackets: People who know a whole lot more about writing than I do say, "Don't use them because they break a reader's feeling of suspended belief".

E.g. “Well next to the school was a pitch and putt golf course and we
decided in lunch time to go there and let some off as no one was about.
We had let off about 5 altogether making a huge bang each time when a
man approached us. He was the groundsman at the course and knew by our
uniforms that we went to school next door and he knew the headmaster
and many teachers.He was livid with us and took us back to the school
himself.”

The above might work better as something like this:

At lunchtime we decided to go to the pitch and putt golf course next to the school and let some off while no one was about. Each one made a huge bang. We had let off about five left when the groundsman approached us.

“What the hell are you kids up to?” He demanded to know, immediately recognising our school uniforms.

Etc.

I wish you all the best with your writing in the future.

[james]

This is great feed back and thankyou Alex. I was jst wondering if any one else would like to give some advice as well? Thankyou.