rock bottom sucks....

[.x.Cole.x.]

have you ever hit the spot in your day/life where you just dont give a shit no more. i know Sir will be quite distraught about this post but i feel like im at that spot again in my life... ive been there once before and now im back. this isnt good for me and Him. i know this for a fact because i know how i can get. and i showed that with Him tonight. there were many times where He coulda punished my ass good for things i had said/ done but didnt and im definately not complaining. but when you want one thing so bad and never get it and never get it and never get it... it jus isnt good. all i want is out. i hate where im living and i hate the people i live with. this place has made me crazy.... i love Sir, dont get me wrong but i feel He deserves sooooo much fucking better than what i can give Him. i cant be what He wants apparently... im done... i dont wanna give up but i feel there is no other way around this. Hes always telling me not to give up and not to give up but i dont know what else to do. i love Sir with all my heart but i dont think Hes happy with me being His sub. and i want Sir to have me forever. i truley do.

confused...

[wingsofanangel]

I'm sorry you feel so distraught. Something you have to know though. If you love your Sir, then you have to trust him completley. This is something that takes time, but if you think you trust him, then hand yourself over to him.

I know for me as a sub, sometimes my feelings are so overwhelming that I can't figure them out. But when a trusted friend/Dom/partner, etc takes part of my load off me, my whole outlook can change. If he says he believes in you, I think you have no reason to doubt.

It can be difficult to see ones self worth. Messing up, being bad, none of that makes up who you are. We all make mistakes here. All of us subs. have our days where we just cannot get it right. It is okay to mess up, this will help you grow. This will help you problem solve. This will help you to become closer to your Sir.

It's good to openly discuss what you are feeling.

Know too that sometimes it just doesn't work out and two people may not be compatible for one another. You can love someone, but not be IN love with them. Just as a Dom can be a good Dom, but may not be the Dom for you.

Is it vanilla things getting to you or D/s things? What is making you feel low?

You said the people you live with and the things around you. Perhaps you cannot remove yourself from the situation, but what can you do to bring things you do enjoy into it? If you love your Sir as you say you do, then surely giving him up would only make things worse for you.

Do not be afraid to be weak. I have a favorite biblical verse that reads "When I am weak, I am powerful." Do not be afraid to lean on your Sir as a crutch. He, no doubt will gladly be there for you and guide you to a happier mind set.

Communicate. Openly and honestly. Do not be ashamed of what you feel, they are your feelings and you are allowed to feel them, whatever they are.

I hope I've helped some and I'll try to follow along and reply more. But please, don't hold back if you need to talk.

[.x.Cole.x.]

I'm sorry you feel so distraught. Something you have to know though. If you love your Sir, then you have to trust him completley. This is something that takes time, but if you think you trust him, then hand yourself over to him.

I know for me as a sub, sometimes my feelings are so overwhelming that I can't figure them out. But when a trusted friend/Dom/partner, etc takes part of my load off me, my whole outlook can change. If he says he believes in you, I think you have no reason to doubt.

It can be difficult to see ones self worth. Messing up, being bad, none of that makes up who you are. We all make mistakes here. All of us subs. have our days where we just cannot get it right. It is okay to mess up, this will help you grow. This will help you problem solve. This will help you to become closer to your Sir.

It's good to openly discuss what you are feeling.

Know too that sometimes it just doesn't work out and two people may not be compatible for one another. You can love someone, but not be IN love with them. Just as a Dom can be a good Dom, but may not be the Dom for you.

Is it vanilla things getting to you or D/s things? What is making you feel low?

You said the people you live with and the things around you. Perhaps you cannot remove yourself from the situation, but what can you do to bring things you do enjoy into it? If you love your Sir as you say you do, then surely giving him up would only make things worse for you.

Do not be afraid to be weak. I have a favorite biblical verse that reads "When I am weak, I am powerful." Do not be afraid to lean on your Sir as a crutch. He, no doubt will gladly be there for you and guide you to a happier mind set.

Communicate. Openly and honestly. Do not be ashamed of what you feel, they are your feelings and you are allowed to feel them, whatever they are.

I hope I've helped some and I'll try to follow along and reply more. But please, don't hold back if you need to talk.

thank you so muchf ro your input. im scared to lean on Him because i HATE feeling weak... i hold it in for so long... and i know that my problem... and yes letting Him go would kill me. it would rip me to shreads but i feel like Hed be happier without me. i just want Him happy. i dont care about me... i love Sir. with all my heart.. but youre right... sometimes someone can love someone but not be in love with them... thanks for your poost. i hope to pm you at a later point.

[wingsofanangel]

thank you so muchf ro your input. im scared to lean on Him because i HATE feeling weak... i hold it in for so long... and i know that my problem... and yes letting Him go would kill me. it would rip me to shreads but i feel like Hed be happier without me. i just want Him happy. i dont care about me... i love Sir. with all my heart.. but youre right... sometimes someone can love someone but not be in love with them... thanks for your poost. i hope to pm you at a later point.

Even as a sub, for me, I hate that weak feeling as well. It is something that has taken me a long time to deal with and still am. Although, often times what we deam as a weakness, really is not, it is simple human emotion. But we are always so hard on ourselves.

If you want him happy and you love him, trust him when he tells you he wants you. Your leaving him because of your own self doubts ( and yes, distrust) would certainly make him unhappy.

Now, if you do love him and want to serve him, realize it takes time to develop those bonds of trust, communication, and willing servitude. It does not happen over night. It can takes YEARS of training and learning.

Are you scared of falling in love with him? Is this not a plausible situation?

The wonderful thing about this board, is that its a safe place to talk. In my own personal opinion, no Dom should be upset if his sub. needs to air her feelings or discuss their concerns, as long as she does so in a way that is respectful. I am hoping that you will be allowed to freely discuss your feelings.

Perhaps, being a sub. is just overload. It is not easy. Did you step into the waters slowly? Or try to jump right in? Perhaps you may need to take a few steps back and breathe and start over. Learn together. Learn to trust and communicate.

I do not know what happens in your relationship with you Sir, but, remember that it is not all about the physical pleasures. He is there to mentally and emotionally support you and take care of you. YOU NEED THESE THINGS.

In my opinion the physical cannot take place without these things. Especially as a woman, we often times need the mental and emotional support and stimulation even more than the physcial.

Please, do not hesitate to contact me.

[Borgs_slave]

Communication is one of the cornerstones of any relationship. You have to talk to him about this, how will he know how to help you if you don't? Not dealing with things and hiding problems just makes things worse. You both are in this together and communicating problems does not make someone weak it makes the problem able to be dealt with.

[DowntownAmber]

I am the poster child for thinking I can take the world on all by myself. I don't like to look as if I am weak, and I hate feeling like I'm a burden to anyone, especially people that I care about. However, take a moment and place yourself in your Dom's shoes (or leathers, depending on how far you want to take the metaphor...lol):

If you were a Dom, and chose your sub, wouldn't you choose them based on the positives of thier personality and your belief in who they are as a person? Sure you would. Love is not pity, so give your Sir some credit and trust that he really does believe in you. If you think you're such an awful person, what does that say about your Dom for choosing you? Let what you feel for him carry over to how you look at yourself.

Let him be there for you, let him experience his sub at her most vulnerable. That's part of being a Dom and you want to deny him that? As a Dom, how would you feel if you were denied parts of your sub based on the fact that they didn't think you should see it or that you were equipped to handle them? Kinda' makes the position of Dom pretty impotent and pointless all of a sudden, doesn't it? I know I would feel like my sub didn't trust me and didn't think I could help, not th

[In2kink]

I’m certain it must feel as if there are no words appropriate to diminish the feelings of frustration you expressed in this post. I agree that the circumstances you described and the feelings of negativity you have as a result, makes for a very difficult place to find yourself in. Platitudes can seem pretty hollow at a time such as this but hopefully maybe I can offer even a single word that might encourage you.

At those times in life when there are no bands playing, no flags flying, and no one who seems to understand what you are going through, quite naturally we feel like giving up and throwing in the towel. But given that you expressed love for your Sir and the desire that you might be with him always, I urge you to reconsider and to continue to fighting through your circumstances.

Make the decision that no matter what, you will simply not allow yourself to fail. Three strikes and you’re not out! There is always one more thing you can do to influence any situation in your favor and to increase your odds of success – and after that one more thing – and after that one more thing.… Never say no to yourself; demand that your circumstances say no to you. Cultivating and believing in your own depth of character and commitment will allow you to persevere against the greatest odds and against the greatest adversity. Beyond learning to never quit, by cultivating a positive attitude, you will find that you can do anything. Think back to past times that you were faced with adversity and glean from those valuable lessons learned how to face the difficulties you are facing now. When you are hit with difficulties, you can’t just decide to give up and give in. Deal with the facts, understand your situation, make a decision to affect changes in those areas you can to improve your situation and then go with it. Commit yourself to choosing the harder choice of struggling to overcome adversity rather than choosing the easier path of least resistance by giving up. Learning to perform under pressure in critical situations will help you develop the solid character and self confidence to be tough mentally when you face tough situations in the future. Giving up only makes it easier to give up the next time. Good luck to you.

[denuseri]

I second what the others have told you sis, it sucks to be in the dark place, trusting my owner has litterally saved my life (you have to be utterly honest and open with him in everyway for D/s to work) communicate with him

i shall pray for you both boo and i hope you find the motivation to hold on to whats good,

[.x.Cole.x.]

wings---- im not afradi to fall in love with Him for i already have. i will love this Man til i die no doubt and after reading everyones posts ive realized i wont let Him go. i cant. me and Sir are weird. its hard to talk to Him because it seems like He gets mad so easy and i guess ever since the first few times of that i told myself its better not to tell Him cuz how i feel makes Him mad. and i dont like that. maybe youre right. maybe i do need to jumo back and go into this a lil slower.... thanks....

downtown---- wow you really got me thinking.. and you are right about all of it. He should see me at my most vulnerable... but i hate looking and feeling weak.... blash.... i .gotta reconsider caring about that....

in2----- Sir. i thank you for your words... they really opened my eyes up to how im feeling... and i really do need to sit down and think about things... i cant let my Sir go that easy just cuz of how im feeling.theres no way... imma be the one who makes Him happy...and im determined to do so too... thank you again Sir.

Den--- communication is decently hard.... its irritatiing... lol thank you babe and ill keep it all in mind...

[Lion_in_Disguise]

I love you darling. I try my best for you, and I'm happy your going to keep trying for us.

[.x.Cole.x.]

I love you darling. I try my best for you, and I'm happy your going to keep trying for us.

i love you too Sir.

and i am happy too Sir.