Rant on D/s | Not having to be sexual

[conflictedone]

So I posted in AIM last night again about D/s relationships, and I got 60 messages from my christian friends about being into sex before marriage, so I wrote this rant on how D/s doesn't have to be about sex, its about trust and responsibility.
--------------------------
--------------------------

Many people who find out about my recent interest in DOMINATION and submission have asked me why it appeals to me. Others have asked me what it is. Others have judged based on preconceived notions and the way other do it. Well guess what, this might shock you, but I'M NOT OTHER PEOPLE, I'm my own man that is attracted to something that others have made sexual, but that the people inside the lifestyle recognize as something that can be both sexual and non-sexual.

My form of D/s or DOMINATION and submission is this. A relationship where trust between two partners is so much, that one feels safe enough in the hands of the other to place, willingly and voluntarily, EVERYTHING at the feet of the other. And where the other partner feels such trust and respect for the other that they take that trust bestowed to them, and help make the other person a better person for it.

D/s isn't about being a control freak, it isn't about not wanting responsibility, its about trust, respect, admiration, and love. Its about being so up front that you feel ashamed and that breaking the trust you share with your partner makes you feel so bad, you feel you deserve punishment, and yet that aspect of the relationship never becomes abusive.

Society, and Christians, feel they know what is right about everything, and that right is only that persons right. And based upon those "rights" they prejudge and show distaste for things outside the "norm". So what if something isn't "normal". Is your relationship always normal?

D/s is not wrong, its not a mental illness, and if anyone asks me about it one more time in a stupid manner, I'm gonna scream.

Why should people judge another person for something that people should feel free to place into their relationship. God knows that relationships these days are so mired in dishonesty through omission and bending the truth. So, I want to have a relationship that has defined roles in which both partners feel comfortable and safe. Roles that cause trust to develop, trust so deep that both become so sad at the thought of betraying the trust of the other.

Quit judging me based on what others do, the lifestyle has as many variations as a country does people. Just because the more vocal dominants and submissive are sexual, does not mean we all are. Here is a good definition of D/s of what I think is D/s and what it is to me. (Italics are my comments)

"The only rules you have to remember are that I require respect, obedience, honesty and loyalty."

"Treat me with respect. Never be sarcastic, manipulative, or unkind."(Interpretation: The submissive partner should never be any of these things to the dominant; it shows a lack of trust.)

"Obey me. Whatever I direct you to do, I full expect you to do. If it is beyond your abilities I expect to see you struggling to succeed. It will be OK to ask for help but never question my right to give you a direction or the wisdom behind a direction. If you do not understand why I tell you to do something, just do it. The very compliance will enlighten you." (Interpretation: Part of accepting a D/s relationship is allowing the Dominant partner to help the submissive, to make decisions in the relationships, and always test the relationship in various forms.)

"Honesty is desperately important to me. Don't ever lie to me. Not even as a joke. Don't hide behind omission or distortion." (Interpretation: Back to the trust thing)

"Loyalty means you protect me and our reputation fiercely. You do not gossip. You do not place anyone's needs before mine." (Interpretation: Not neccarilly above the submissive's own desires, but the submissive should realize and know that the Dominant desires are to fufill the submissive's desires to the best of his/her ability, to make you a better person, to stretch that person into the best they can be.)

Devin put down the hair brush and turned her to face him. "If you filter your anxieties through these four principles of respect, obedience, honesty, and loyalty. You will find that you will allay many of your fears." Angela looked up into his eyes and nodded. (Interpretation: If these four principles are understood by the submissive, the normal struggles and discomfort in a relationship will disappear, the submissive will have their place and the dominant will have theirs.)

"I have rules I have to follow too." (Interpretation: Dominants have more responsibility, due to the fact that the submissive is laying all the decisionmaking on the Dominant's shoulders, s/he has to make the best decisions that he can.)

"I must treat you with the utmost respect. I will never ask you to submit to any experience that will degrade or humiliate you. It is my hope that every moment we share makes you feel stronger, more beautiful, more desirable, prouder, more capable. (Interpretation: While asserting his/her role as dominant, in play and in making decisions, the Dominant needs to keep the growth of the submissive in mind, that everything s/he does needs to make the submissive feel more capable, stronger, and surer. ANd a better person at that.)

"I must be obedient to myself. My role requires I always place your safety, pleasure, and discipline at the highest priority. This commitment is a responsibility that cannot be forgotten for even a second." (Interpretation: While asserting his/her role as dominant, the dominant can't let the power get to his head and disrespect the submissive, this can cause harm to the submissive's psyche and well-being. Furthermore he can not punish the submissive in such a way that it causes physical injury. A dominant must also remember, that in agreeing to the D/s Relationship the submissive stated a desired to be punished for any transgressions, that punishment must be fair and consistent, or the development of the Sub can go wrong, and the Sub may find a more abusive partner, either physically or mentally to "punish" the submissive in a way that satisfies the submissive's natural desires. )

"I will not ever lie to you." (Interpretation: Selfexplanatory)

"Loyalty flows in my veins. As long as you are loyal to me, I will do nothing to betray you. (Interpretation: Selfexplanatory)

"Your safety is also my responsibility. I have and obligation to protect you from physical and emotional injury. It is my duty to insure you are always safe. It is likely that at some point in your eagerness to submit you will wish for more than is safe for you. I must always be there to protect you, even from yourself." (Interpretation: See above, refer to the punishment clause)

[PropertyOfMasterJoey]

That's so sweet :-) The little thing about what a Dom and sub should be is dead on and well written. Master and i agree whole-heartedly on what O/our place is and how W/we should go about O/our relationship. i love my Master with all my heart mind body and soul and i know He feels the same for me because W/we respect and trust E/eachother. Be careful though to be quick to judge all Christians. i myself am a Christian and i certainly don't have a problem with a D/s relationship lol

[conflictedone]

THe quote itself, stuff in the quote box, not in italics, is from a story I read, and some people I showed it too were having trouble understanding how I applied it to my relationships so I added the italics stuff.

Thanks for the comment and advice. I'm not judging all christians, just "societial" christians. A term I coined for christians, who like society, has the idea that in matters of preference ( relationship style, and other non-theoligical matters that the bible does not say one thing or another about as the ONLY way) that only one way, their "normal" is right.

[PropertyOfMasterJoey]

Oh i know it's just people here seem so quick to say all Christians think one way which is doing exactly what they accuse others of ya know? It's just kinda annoying.

[J-Go]

Conflictedone -
Nice post thank you for sharing, it's obvious you have passion for your stand.
Navigating through this life is a challenge at best and to get through it without prejudice is simply impossible...we all have them. I think a degree of peace comes when you stop expecting people to have them. People of religious conviction have passion as well. An excerpt from Wikipedia describes the following....

A religion is a set of tenets and practices, often centered upon specific supernatural and moral claims about reality, the cosmos, and human nature, … Religion also encompasses ancestral or cultural traditions, writings, history, and mythology, as well as personal faith and religious experience. The term "religion" refers to both the personal practices related to communal faith and to group rituals and communication stemming from shared conviction.

In other words something people feel strongly about, something that brings fulfillment and meaning to their lives and in some way helps them make sense of it all.
Hmmmmm kinda like BDSM for us.
My point here is this. We share a lifestyle that is unique to us. To expect others to understand without prejudice is simply unrealistic and will only lead to more frustration. It’s a PERSONAL choice aiding in PERSONAL growth…I suggest doing what I wish more religious folk would do, keep it PERSONAL.