How to break it to somebody with traditional asian upbringing?

[robart]

Before I start: I know there is not *one* traditional asian upbringing. More about that later.


Like many dominant men, I find myself attracted to asian women.
Since this is not north-america, most asians in my region are not second- or third-generation imigrants, but students visiting to expand their university degrees. Mainly chinese, several japanese, some korean and even a view taiwanese. I would like to try to hook up with one of them, and in the long run, that might even work. But I am concerned about BDSM and the comunication that I feel is needed for it.
I tried to talk about the subject with a chinese friend of mine, and she seemed ok about the idea that some people might like that.
Yet when the same girl hat a crush on a lokal a year or so later, she could not bring herself to convince him to use a condom. Talking about her own sexual needs and taboos seems not to be part of her cultural heritage. Though she knew that he had talked other people into sex without a condom, I sadly could not even convince her to take an (anonymous) std-test afterwards.

Now, I imagine what such a mixture of politeness, shame and (cultural instilled) submissiveness would do to "the talk". Not to mention the language barrier.

So, what would I do if there was mutual interest between me an a girl, or even a relationship? How would I find out if she loves to be manhandled, instead of "just" loving me? How do you ask her if she likes to be degraded, in a way that she won't be afraid to say "yes" and won't be afraid to say "no"?

I sometimes suck at reading body-language and undertones. So I do not want to rely on that.

Is there anybody who can give me some tips or personal experiences? Is there even somebody who could give me more insight to one of the many asian cultures and how things would best be handled with a partner from his/her particular area?

Thank you very much.


[Note: I am not a native speaker. Furthermore, I am not familiar with some of the finer points of "political correctness" - the etiquette that lets a multi-cultural nation like the US run that smothly. If I was in any way offensive in my talk about cultures, please do not forgive me, but tell me.]

[Skuld]

I really am surprised to see this on here. I'm definitely seeing what you're seeing. Asian culture does not, and seriously point blank, does not concern itself with sex at all. The closest kids brought up the asian way get of sex ed is to never have it. This is mostly Chinese/Taiwanese.

But, Japanese are a different story. I think the host clubs/18+ red district of their culture/cities is kind of infamous, granted I am not Japanese, but am aware of them. It may be easier to approach a Japanese lady after getting to know her for awhile.

Also in general, the woman, in Asian cultures is very second, very serious second citizen kind of status. Such as in Japan, if there is one seat left on the train and a couple gets on, the man gets the seat. The woman carries all the bags and stands.

For the Chinese/Taiwanese, the western influence has hit much more of the culture so woman have a better status, both socially and culturally.

If I think of anything else I will post back. Also, in the U.S. having a hybrid couple, as I call them informally eg: caucasian partner x asian partner are also rare. So you're on the right road to learn the cultures. If it helps any, you gotta love the culture to love a woman from the culture. I hope this helps!