Feeling neglected...please help

[dslilgirl]

So I have been in a relationship with my Master for 3 years and serious for the last 2 1/2. We met online and live 4 hours away from each other and have only gotten together twice the first time for 3 days and then second time just for the day (a few hours). The first year was great but then things change which was a few months after the last time we got together. He got way busy and spent less time with me and I tried being understanding but it seems each day and week goes by and we talk less and less. He does have a high demanding job since he is a firefighter and I have had to move back home due to being laid off and have a job that barely pays the bills. I think he uses me moving home as an excuse for not having to talk to me or contacting me on a regular basis. I'm lucky if I hear from him every 3 days when he works and when he does work its 5 minutes here and there if we are lucky. He says he tries to talk to me as much as he can but for some reason I don't totally believe him. I have tried to tell him how I feel but he always says that I'm just being dramatic when I'm really not I just don't think he is listening to me when I say I'm so upset. We used to play all the time and he would give me tasks to accomplish but it is so far and few between these days. I think the last time we played was over a month ago and he seems to be ok with things.

My question is how do I get it through his head that I need more then what he is giving me without accusing him of neglecting me? Any help would be appreciated.

[Silus]

Sounds like he was very interested in the chase....but once that was over so was his interest. I am sorry if that sounds cold.

[lady kisa]

Well, I think some women expect their partners to make them happy in every area, Instead of taking responsibility for their own happiness. I can understand why you feel neglected, upset and saddened. I know for myself, if i don't feel heard i will look for new ways to say the same thing. it could be there is frustration on both sides. I think the best thing you could do to the improve the situation, is to learn to do things that make you happy. To focus on the postive, rather than the negative. That way the time you do spend with your master will be more pleasant and he may in turn be more willing to be more giving of his time and attention. Males tend to want to spend time with someone who is happy, confident and tries to make their time together fun.
I made this post with the intention of being helpful. i hope you find it so.

[delish]

Yeah, I'm with Kisa here. Except... I'm going to go a step further. I totally understand the need for communication and contact and such, but this sounds more like a case of you not hearing him, rather than vice versa. While I would never advocate that anyone neglect their submissive partner, sometimes life gets busy. It sounds like he's heard you and has tried to explain that he's under a lot of pressure right now, but that doesn't suit what you want.

If you really think he's avoiding you on purpose, you might have to consider moving on to someone more connected to your needs... because if it is true, there's nothing you can do to change that.

I'm also not saying this to sound mean or anything. I have been known to be greedy and demanding of my Sir. It's just that sometimes it's not all about me, and no just means no. It largely depends on your priorities as a subbie.

[dslilgirl]

When I try to leave him alone and do things on my own that make me happy but he seems to always be busy and is perfectly happy and doesn't seem to bother him. I also try to put on a happy face for him as much as I can but not sure if that's really helping the situation.

[karley]

i think pretending to be happy when your not may be sending him mixed messages. If you appear happy when talking, then later say you're unhappy it's kind of hard to tell where you're coming from.

[Little_Low_2]

I went through a similar time of feeling neglected by J after we had been together for a few years. We fell into a routine where there was barely any interaction of any kind, vanilla or otherwise, and we -lived- together at the time. What I found helped me was to write him a letter, a real letter not an email, that explained how I was feeling, what I would like to happen and how much I was missing the connection we'd created. I was very careful to not put demands upon him or ask for anything. I ended the letter saying something like "This is how I feel, I hope we can return to what we were". That was enough to make him realize that I needed something he wasn't providing without making him feel like I was nagging him about it.

It might help you, it's might not. Like was said above, he might have just been interested in 'the chase' or he might really and truly be up to his neck in other stuff.

Hope this helps

[Flaming_Redhead]

He's just not that into you.

[brwneydgirl]

I have to go with Flaming Redhead here, unfortunately.

I'd go ahead and take a cue from Little Low 2, maybe write a letter (or email will probably work fine, too) explaining what you've explained to us and then let it lie. Be prepared emotionally to move on, though.