BDSM Titles Chamber of Oddities

[Ranai]

As one of the members of this forum whose native language is something else than English, I would like to beg your indulgence, and describe a few of the things that occur in my addled brain when I read BDSM topics or BDSM fiction.

Also, I would like to explain why, deplorably enough, I have no title. Neither online nor when I speak in German with my partner.

English Titles

Mistress
The first definition of 'mistress' I learned in school was, unfortunately, 'woman with whom someone has an extra-marital relationship'. It somehow stuck. Later I discovered schoolmistresses, Mistress as a Scottish form of address, Mistress Overdone and Mistress Quickly, and even those who interact with submissives. But I was never able to get over the initial 'He dashed over to Paris to see his mistress' definition, so not wanting to imagine myself some sort of appendage, no Mistress for me.

Lady
I think the only Lady I heard about for a long, long time was Lady Diana. Not my great role model. Sorry, never could aspire to this title.

Master
The first books in English I endeavoured to read were children's books. In 19th century stories, you find domestic servants who address certain characters as 'Master Colin' or 'Master Edward'. These characters are boys, not men. Then I got totally swamped with 'Master Frodo' in the heroic effort of reading The Lord of the Rings in the original language. Today, having consumed a considerable amount of gay male erotica, I have been able to somewhat grasp the thought of Master = grown man. But it took me a while.

Lord
Here too, The Lord of the Rings played havoc with my brain for a while. Lord Denethor and the Dark Lord and whoever. It became sort of a fantasy title in my perception. Until I started reading Dorothy L. Sayers' Lord Peter Wimsey detective stories.

Slave
This English word has had an erotic connotation for me from the very beginning. But that's just my kinky disposition. I read Rosemary Sutcliff's The Eagle of the Ninth in English as a kid, and Marcus & Esca became my archetypical owner - slave pair. Damn, why did he have to grant him manumission so early in the story?!

Let's take a brief look at German now...

Meister
A number of BDSM people seem to be fond of this title, as the equivalent of 'Master'. In everyday speech, it refers to a master craftsman. While a master - apprentice relationship is certainly a hierarchical one, I have never been able to read a lot of eroticism into this title.

Herrin
You can find this 'Lady' or 'Mistress' in romance tales about the Middle Ages, and in the BDSM playroom. In everyday speech, it is not used at all. 'Herr' is the usual form of address for a man, -in is a female suffix. Due to this unfortunate linguistic circumstance, if I called myself 'Herrin', I would feel like assuming a position of authority pretending to be a man.

Sklave
Alas alas. I spent too much of my wasted youth reading Goscinny & Uderzo's Asterix comics. They are full of male slaves. I was always ogling those who happened to be wearing wrist or ankle shackles. But if I tried to call my partner 'Sklave', even in role play, I would fall apart laughing. Invariably, I would be transported back to the Gallia and Roma of 50 BC, where deserving legionaries get slugged.

What's a pair to do?
We call each other by our names. Sometimes, we say 'Geliebter' and 'Geliebte'. It means 'beloved'. And if someone asks me with a passionate expression if I would tell him what my wishes are, he does not need to use a title.


What's in your Chamber of Oddities?

[Nightstriker]

I just say do what feels right to you. If a title feels right, then use one if one dose not then don't.

[Ranai]

I just say do what feels right to you. If a title feels right, then use one if one dose not then don't.

Yes, I would say the same.

Actually, the 'Yikes, I can't decide on a title' part is just a bit of satire thrown in to make the text more amusing to read.

I would like to convey a little of how peculiar some of these titles sound to someone who did not grow up with English as a native language. And as I remember where I first encountered some of those words, I added that info. It's a strange phenomenon: with many words acquired in a foreign language, first impressions are lasting.

The German titles are included to show that the BDSM jargon in my own language sounds pretty artificial to me. In fact, I can't take the German terms seriously in the least.

My question:
It would interest me if some of you remember how a particular term sounded to you when you first came across it in a BDSM context. Do you remember thinking: 'How odd. This reminds me of...' ?

[robbermagnet]

My question:
It would interest me if some of you remember how a particular term sounded to you when you first came across it in a BDSM context. Do you remember thinking: 'How odd. This reminds me of...' ?

Now and then I come across a story in which a male dominant claims his female submissive's body parts as his own. It makes me giggle when the male dominant refers to her genitals as "my pussy," as in "Put this dildo in my pussy." It conjures up a whole other unintended image for me.

--Robbermagnet

[Nightstriker]

Now and then I come across a story in which a male dominant claims his female submissive's body parts as his own. It makes me giggle when the male dominant refers to her genitals as "my pussy," as in "Put this dildo in my pussy." It conjures up a whole other unintended image for me.

--Robbermagnet

That one has alwayse made me shudder and the mental image is just something that I really don't want.

[Ranai]

It makes me giggle when the male dominant refers to her genitals as "my pussy," as in "Put this dildo in my pussy." It conjures up a whole other unintended image for me.

Pffffhhhh, oh help, that is so strange.

And here I was believing I had something to complain about when I read about a gay man fucking someone's 'boy pussy'. That's the sort of jargon that makes me click out of a story in a flash. I just don't get the appeal of the whole gender-crossing vocabulary thing. It must be appealing for some people.

[craftygirl]

What's a pair to do?
We call each other by our names. Sometimes, we say 'Geliebter' and 'Geliebte'. It means 'beloved'. And if someone asks me with a passionate expression if I would tell him what my wishes are, he does not need to use a title.

What's in your Chamber of Oddities?

Well, the last full time partner I was with is from South America originally, and I always called him Papi -- which means Daddy. He called me chickpea -- still does, actually, as we're still friends. That sort of came from "cute chick" and "sweet pea" -- which is a nickname my grandmother gave me when I was a wee thing.

I was at a local event yesterday, and most of the women there were either "Miss X" or "Mistress Y" -- only one "Lady". But it was funny, to me, to be in the middle of a crowd of "titles" and crossdressers/tg girls (who all of course had two names -- their male name, and their female name) and be the only person who was .......... just ......... Shannon.

*grin*

[Ranai]

I was at a local event yesterday, and most of the women there were either "Miss X" or "Mistress Y" -- only one "Lady". But it was funny, to me, to be in the middle of a crowd of "titles" and crossdressers/tg girls (who all of course had two names -- their male name, and their female name) and be the only person who was .......... just ......... Shannon.

*grin*

Thank you for telling us about your experience!

I have not visited any BDSM events so far... Maybe some day, maybe not. Somehow I doubt that I am ready for it yet. Perhaps, to avoid stepping on the toes of the aristocracy, I would have to practise keeping a straight face. :straight:

[Dngnkeeper]

For me the use of titles seems to be one of those online customs that cought traction in the real life arena. Prior to the internet about the only times I heard people refer to themselves with Mistress or Master in front of their name was if they were Pro Dommes or Pro Doms.

Also In the last few years I have seen, at munches and events, people switching from their internet "handle" to their real names. And lately they have been omitting Master, Mistress and slave etc..

HHHHMMMM....... everything old is new again?

[Ranai]

For me the use of titles seems to be one of those online customs that cought traction in the real life arena. Prior to the internet about the only times I heard people refer to themselves with Mistress or Master in front of their name was if they were Pro Dommes or Pro Doms.

You know, you have really surprised me here. Thanks. Somehow I have been under the impression that the custom of using titles in gatherings of non-professionals preceded the internet age...

I don't remember seeing advertisements from Pro Doms, but Pro Dommes (Dominas) here often use stage names such as Lady X, or even Gräfin (=Countess) X. Born with a silver flogger in their hand? Well, perhaps because it sounds exotic and mysterious. Or opens the imagination for role play...

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Somehow I have been under the impression that the custom of using titles in gatherings of non-professionals preceded the internet age...

The practice of calling oneself Master this or Lord that didn't really take a foothold in BDSM until after AOL chat rooms became popular in the 1990s. Before then, most BDSM meetings were in real life and everyone just went by their names. Or at the least, if a person didn't want their identity revealed in a BDSM society, that person would wear a mask and use an alias.