Ghost-Chapter 1

[Aesop]

Good evening everyone out there in Living-Land. This is your old pal Ghost come back to haunt you tonight. I hope you're all in the mood for a frightful evening 'cause the old Ghost is in rare form. Got your night-lite on and your covers pulled up? Goooood. Here we go...

The house on Oak St. had been empty as far back as most of the kids in town could remember and of course they loved it that way. The house served as a combination bullseye, ("I bet I can break the attic window!" No way you can throw that far, you pussy!") make out house, ("Come on Kelly, there's a matress in the big bedroom upstairs and I've got some candles if you're afraid of the dark.") and haunted legend ("I heard that some guy killed his wife and kids in there with a hammer and buried the bodies in the backyard.") All in all the house was the best place in the town of Greensville for the kids to have fun.

To say Greensville was small was like saying the Grand Canyon was a hole in the ground. Three main streets and about a dozen side streets made up the whole town and the only entertainment was a bar run by an ex-cop who would sooner set fire to his place then let anybody underage in so the kids made do with the house on Oak St.

What the kids didn't know because their parents never told them was that the house had been empty as long as they could remember too. And as long as their parents could remember. The adults never came near the house so the kids just figured that the adults didn't know what they were up to, but they did. They knew and they were afraid...

I know this isn't a whole story but it's what came to me. I typed this in the reply box and didn't use any resources. I did spot edit as I typed because frankly I don't know how not to, this is as raw as I get.

[Rabbit1]

Pretty good ---I know it is hard for me to not uses spell check when I write even a simple note

Next I want you to edit it and see how many errors you can find---there were not many when you do not fix the errors just highlite them ---like you were doing a proof read for a friend ---

[Aesop]

Good evening everyone out there in Living-Land. This is your old pal Ghost come back to haunt you tonight. I hope you're all in the mood for a frightful evening 'cause the old Ghost is in rare form. Got your night-lite on and your covers pulled up? Goooood. Here we go...

The house on Oak St. had been empty as far back as most of the kids in town could remember and of course they loved it that way. The house served as a combination bullseye, ("I bet I can break the attic window!" No way you can throw that far, you pussy!") make out house, ("Come on Kelly, there's a matress in the big bedroom upstairs and I've got some candles if you're afraid of the dark.") and haunted legend ("I heard that some guy killed his wife and kids in there with a hammer and buried the bodies in the backyard.") All in all the house was the best place in the town of Greensville for the kids to have fun.

To say Greensville was small was like saying the Grand Canyon was a hole in the ground. Three main streets and about a dozen side streets made up the whole town and the only entertainment was a bar run by an ex-cop who would sooner set fire to his place then let anybody underage in so the kids made do with the house on Oak St.

What the kids didn't know because their parents never told them was that the house had been empty as long as they could remember too. And as long as their parents could remember. The adults never came near the house so the kids just figured that the adults didn't know what they were up to, but they did. They knew and they were afraid...

Okay the only thing I could find was that I didn't spell mattress right and I think the first sentence in the last paragraph is awkward so in a re-write I would change it. What did I miss?

[Rabbit1]

See the attached document

got your ---is possive and should have been you're

the word night -lite---should have been night-light

the word "goooood" should have been good ----

"bullseye should have been bulls-eye

No way you can ---is a negitive and a positive mix--you can't or you can not ---

matress is misspelled

All in all the house ---should have been the entire house

And as long as their parents could remember.--is a fragmented sentence

these errors were caught by Spell and grammar check on MS Word--it is a useful writers tool ---it does not catch them all but 99% of them will be caught

[Aesop]

See the attached document

got your ---is possive and should have been you're

the word night -lite---should have been night-light

the word "goooood" should have been good ----

"bullseye should have been bulls-eye

No way you can ---is a negitive and a positive mix--you can't or you can not ---

matress is misspelled

All in all the house ---should have been the entire house

And as long as their parents could remember.--is a fragmented sentence

these errors were caught by Spell and grammar check on MS Word--it is a useful writers tool ---it does not catch them all but 99% of them will be caught

Well see here's the thing. I used the same grammer and spell check you did and here's how I justified my words. Tell me if you agree or not.

Night-lite - If you go to the local store and go to buy a night-light most of the packages are spelled night-lite. Something the reader will identify with.

Got your -If I change it to you're the sentence reads:Got you're night-lite on and your covers pulled up? But that means it would be Got you are night-lite on and your covers pulled up? That doesn't make any sense.

Goooood - This was done on purpose. Ghost is talking to an audience and has decided to drawl this word out for effect.

Bullseye - Yep, the program wanted me to change it, but I looked it up in three different web dictionaries and they had it like I did.

No way you can - It's a kid talking. Again the program told me to change it, but I ignored that in favor of how kids actually talk.

Matress is mispelled. - Yep.

All in all the house - When you push the change button in word the sentence reads: All in the entire house was the best place in the town of Greensville for the kids to have fun. Again that doesn't make sense. What I should have done was add a comma after the second all. I did miss that when I proofed. If you add the comma word likes it.

And as long as their parents could remember - Yes it's a fragment, but in my opinion it's a needed fragment with the awkward first sentence. That sentence would probably change in a revision because the first sentence in that paragraph is just bad.

I'm not knocking word here because I use it myself all the time, but sometimes it picks up things that don't need to be corrected. What do you think?

[Rabbit1]

Well see here's the thing. I used the same grammer and spell check you did and here's how I justified my words. Tell me if you agree or not.

Night-lite - If you go to the local store and go to buy a night-light most of the packages are spelled night-lite. Something the reader will identify with.

Got your -If I change it to you're the sentence reads:Got you're night-lite on and your covers pulled up? But that means it would be Got you are night-lite on and your covers pulled up? That doesn't make any sense.

Goooood - This was done on purpose. Ghost is talking to an audience and has decided to drawl this word out for effect.

Bullseye - Yep, the program wanted me to change it, but I looked it up in three different web dictionaries and they had it like I did.

No way you can - It's a kid talking. Again the program told me to change it, but I ignored that in favor of how kids actually talk.

Matress is mispelled. - Yep.

All in all the house - When you push the change button in word the sentence reads: All in the entire house was the best place in the town of Greensville for the kids to have fun. Again that doesn't make sense. What I should have done was add a comma after the second all. I did miss that when I proofed. If you add the comma word likes it.

And as long as their parents could remember - Yes it's a fragment, but in my opinion it's a needed fragment with the awkward first sentence. That sentence would probably change in a revision because the first sentence in that paragraph is just bad.

I'm not knocking word here because I use it myself all the time, but sometimes it picks up things that don't need to be corrected. What do you think?

You have a fine point there --but I am talking about writing and not geting crucified on your reviews---also if you ever hope to have your work professionally published. I have had a few manuscripts sent back to me with all kind of highlighted errors----as far as Nightlite vs nightlight --just because a manufactor misspells it does not make it right ---

and when you are talking in a slang --or the way children talk it is better to do the story from a third person prespective and use " marks" in which case you are using a direct quote from a ethnic or slang prespective.

There are many styles and ways to write ---I am just showing you one--

As a published author ---I used to try to justify the way I wrote ---as this is the way people really talk ---and it is ---but it is not what most people want to read .

even with spell check and grammar check ---some errors get thru ---a good proof reader helps----

the story contest entry I did for the first contest --it was a hurried work ---and I did not put a whole lot of time or thought into it---I posted it on the story side to try to draw new members to the forum to look at the other contest entries---it got terrible reviews---a few from people I had run ins with when I first took over the forum---those I discounted---but before I posted it even in the story contest ---I had my friend --who is also my publisher --proof read it ---You do know he purchased the story ----after I finished it ---so I can laugh at those reviews all the way to the bank.

what I am saying is --I am just giving you some constructive criticism---you can take it or leave it ---

If you are confident in the way you write --great ---but I still use the spell check and then a proof reader before anything of mine is posted or published

[Rabbit1]

now in your spare time just write a few short things like this ghost---and use spell check or what ever you use ---and when you get one you think is right post it ---take your time ---no hurry ---this is practice---and mostly homework---

[submissivewife]

I have noticed, as Aesop has pointed out, that when one is trying to convey a certain thought or expression Word wants to change it to the acceptable grammar style or acceptable word spelling. Like Good, Aesop spelled this as Gooood, which to me, the reader, was able to understand that the narrator was doing this on purpose for a purpose, go give a slightly scary scene.

I mean, when writing of correspondences and professional letters one would best benefit using MSWord Spelling and Grammar Checker but when writing stories and adding the effects one is trying to convey does word checker really pay off? To me, as the writer, the checker sometimes kills the effect I am trying to create. So sometimes, I just ignore the suggestions for favor of the atmophere I am trying to create. Is this acceptable in writing of stories?

[submissivewife]

I'm speechless! WOW just doesn't say enough....Thank you, that was wonderful.

[Aesop]

I'm speechless! WOW just doesn't say enough....Thank you, that was wonderful.

Thank you subwife.

[Rabbit1]

I'm speechless! WOW just doesn't say enough....Thank you, that was wonderful.

now if we could just get your final task of this leve out of the way --whips are not working maybe guns next!

[Aesop]

Yeah I'm getting lonely in level 3. I like Rabbit, but I'd much rather study with you.

Now get to work or I'm taking your guns.

[submissivewife]

(Hiding my guns behing my back)

Guns, Sir Rabbit? No, need....I'll get the story done.

And Aesop.....as long as studying is all you have in mind. I still haven't seen those shot records.

[Rabbit1]

(Hiding my guns behing my back)

Guns, Sir Rabbit? No, need....I'll get the story done.

And Aesop.....as long as studying is all you have in mind. I still haven't seen those shot records.

Shot records ----I never keep records when I shoot him ---lol

[submissivewife]

Geeze, isn't that like.... illegal? Not keeping records of rabies shots? I guess you will have to give him another shot so you can document them this time. Can't have a fox running loose without shot records.

[Rabbit1]

Geeze, isn't that like.... illegal? Not keeping records of rabies shots? I guess you will have to give him another shot so you can document them this time. Can't have a fox running loose without shot records.

Rabies shot ---I been using silver bullets -----and you do not have to worry about he fox too much ----worry about the warped rabbit ----lol

[submissivewife]

OH hell, both of you need vaccines.....don't worry, I'll go and get the shots so you two will be safe to run around the forums. Got to protect the members.....

[Rabbit1]

OH hell, both of you need vaccines.....don't worry, I'll go and get the shots so you two will be safe to run around the forums. Got to protect the members.....

hey I got some rope and a few canes---care for a little extra credit study????


: : :

[submissivewife]

hey I got some rope and a few canes---care for a little extra credit study????


: : :

uuuuuuummmmmmmm forget the members..... They can defend themselves. The thought of a cane used on me is just to scary to think about...so to answer your question....NO I don't want the extra credit!

[Rabbit1]

uuuuuuummmmmmmm forget the members..... They can defend themselves. The thought of a cane used on me is just to scary to think about...so to answer your question....NO I don't want the extra credit!

Kill joy ----then you better get hopping to get your task done just to bearly pass into level three

[submissivewife]

Kill joy ----then you better get hopping to get your task done just to bearly pass into level three

Yes, Sir Rabbit....It is now posted. Barely? Isn't there any other way for extra credit?