who I am and why I'm here

[animanota]

Hello everybody. I am a 27 year old married military man. I first became interested in BDSM right around the start of high school but didn't know what it was at the time. Always tended to date the shy good girls back then. Grew up, enlisted, moved out and got married. The rest is history till about a couple monthes ago. We were talking and she confessed to being turned on majorly by BDSM though she didn't know what it was till now. After she described her fantasys to me I informed her of where her interests lie. She wants to be a sub and didn't know it. Wants to have control in public and lose it entirely in the bedroom.

Ahh, here's the rub. I've never topped anyone before. Being my BDSM interests are alot more hardcore than her in my head I know I must start her out at square one. Or BD 101 as I like to call it. I've been kicking around the internet looking for good advice when I stumbled here. There seems to be alot of people here that can offer advice to a first time dom training a first time sub. This is not something I want to mess up. No matter what happens I still have to live with her so the danger factor in up there. So I'm here to learn how to train my sub and learn how to be a good dom. I just don't want to mess this up.

[submissivewife]

Welcome hope you enjoy the forums. Here is a link you might find interesting.
http://www.dsguide.net/index.asp Good luck

[Rabbit1]

welcome to the forum animanota---and you are right there are many first timers here seeking exactly what you seek---and there are many old timers here with the knowledge you desire---jump right in ---ask questions---we like to share and it is the major purpose of this forum ---to share our experences ---our dreams ---or kinks----and to have fun

[Tojo]

Hi & welcome animanota. Hope you enjoy the forum.

First up with an attitude like that, you're gonna be great at this. Welcome to Domland!

Thing is, there's no hard & fast rules here. Some people may think so but all subs aren't alike. You need to find out what this particular girl wants & likes.
Seems like you're doing that part OK.

Of course you need to set limits before you start...& make sure she has a clear way of stopping anytime she wants.

I doubt that there's too many D/s relationships the same, if any. It's a special thing between two people, that no one has any say over. Well not unless you break the law!

I personally like to get to know the girl real well first, find out how she thinks, what she's done & what she wants. Seems you're doing that too...

I add to that what I think she needs, & what I want. The first thing I usually ask is to 'just sit/stand still until I say' That way, she knows I'm in control, until released. I usually ask how it feels straight afterwards at first. Communication.

Ask 10 different Doms, or would be Doms & you'll most likely get 10 different opinions. This is just mine, which seems to work for me & my girls.

To me, you need to love them, care for them, then love them a little more.

The other thing is that you need to believe in yourself. That it's OK to be in control. You need to have your head together.

Man, it's a lot of fun- & that's the thing, it's fun- not some dark intense drama. Well it can be pretty intense.

Be sure & let us know how it goes y'hear?

Tojo

[Aesop]

Welcome to the forums. Like Tojo said there isn't a rule book. Being a good dom for me means much the same as being a good husband. Communicate, cherish and pay attention. We'll be happy to answer any other questions you have so don't be shy.

[cariad]

Welcome to this wonderful world animanota.

From a sub's position I would agree with Aesop when he says

... Like Tojo said there isn't a rule book. Being a good dom for me means much the same as being a good husband. Communicate, cherish and pay attention...

And I would also add - go gently - if it feels right for both of you, then add a little bit more.

If it does not feel right for one of you, or both, pull back straight away, and COMMUNICATE, that means BOTH talking and BOTH listening! That way you will find out what is right for YOUR relationship.

You may find that your wife would also benefit from talking to some subs - sharing the highs and the lows - is it okay to feel like this when he does this, am I normal etc etc. This will not undermine your position but give her the strength to submit more fully.

Have fun, and never loose sight of your first love for her.

cariad

[katie_21]

There really should be a manual to this sort of thing lol

"How to enter a D/s relationship...for dummies" I'd buy it

[Tojo]

There really should be a manual to this sort of thing lol

"How to enter a D/s relationship...for dummies" I'd buy it

Oh you're doing just perfect missy.


Tojo

[subdude05]

Welcome to the forums, always nce to see people come here for advice, keeps the forum fresh, hope you can find what you are looking for and have fun

[submissivewife]

Geeze everyone is changing there names around here. I don't know who's who around here any more.

OK....lets see if I have this straight....

Heather is now Katie

Ed...sloth is now Uncle Ed....

ANYONE else decide to change their name?

[Tojo]

Geeze everyone is changing there names around here. I don't know who's who around here any more.

OK....lets see if I have this straight....

Heather is now Katie

Ed...sloth is now Uncle Ed....

ANYONE else decide to change their name?

And my doing in both instances....

Thanks for that katie.



Grand Poobah

[Uncle_Ed]

Dear Auntie submissivewife,
I am considering changing my name to MrEd_Dead_beater.

Advise me: Am I flogging a dead horse?

Yours,

confused of cyber-space.

[submissivewife]

Dear Auntie submissivewife,
I am considering changing my name to MrEd_Dead_beater.

Advise me: Am I flogging a dead horse?

Yours,

confused of cyber-space.

I thought I buried that horse!

[Tojo]

Sorry animanota, we haven't forgotten you....


Tojo