I You

[moptop]

I smile in time with your laughter
I wince in time with your pain
I sob in time with your teardrops
I sing in time to your refrain
I am the shadow of your picture
You are the picture in my frame

I walk in time with your footsteps
I speak the words of your brain
I dance in time with your music
I sweat in time with your strain
I am the thread in your needle
You are the point at which I aim

I clap in time with your cheering
I sneer in time with your disdain
I move in time with your gestures
I am pretence when you feign
I am the book of empty pages
You are the letters to my name

I smoulder in time with your burning
I pulse in time with your veins
I breathe in time with your heart beat
I fill the hollow where you’ve lain
I am the board ready for playing
You move the pieces in my game

[TheDeSade]

excellent! very nice!

[mina]

Omg that was amazing!!! I loved it and am going to save it =)

I looooooved the line "I pulse in time with your veins".

The only thing that I'd change is I'd switch the last lines of the last two verses. In the second verse you mention you moving in time with his gestures, so I think it'd sound better for the last line to be him moving the pieces in your game. And in the last verse you mention things like his veins, his heartbeat, very deep physical parts of his being, so I think the last line should be him being the very letters in your name, or maybe it'd be better to make him a physical part of your body too. And I don't know about you being a book of empty pages, because if you had this wonderful person in your life who you are this close with, wouldn't your pages be full of memories of this person?

lol sorry to over-analyze it... but I only do that with poems that I really like!
Feel free to ignore everything I said

[slaveangel{HM}]

Awesome poem *smiles* Thanks for sharing. xx

[moptop]

Thanks, everyone. I'm touched.

Mina, I appreciate what you're saying, and I have spent quite a lot of time swapping lines about, too! I think this poem will actually continue to evolve quite a lot, I'm not 100% happy with it, but I felt the need to express it and share it. I will have a look at what you say and see if I can make it work.

[Timberwolf]

A very good effot, very nice rythym to it indeed.

[Warbaby1943]

moptop that was very good.

[moptop]

thanks guys. Always happy to help Warbaby, sorry, Forum God, get to his 1,000,000 post goal.

[violetgem]

damn, really really really great