What do you do when...

[Desperadosong]

The man you have fallen in love with knows of your submissive nature, and puts his foot down on certian things, but when you ask what he desires..... only says "to make you happy"?

Ds

[Tojo]

In my humble opinion a relationship needs effective communication to succeed. Whether a friend, lover or spouse.

If you want to keep things humming along you need to both sit down & talk.

Oh & you both need to listen....

If I say something to my wife & she doesn't listen or try & understand my point of view, I point out that we have a problem. The reverse is also true, the day that I don't take her seriously I'm not doing my job.

We've been together more than 18 years- it's communication that's worked for us.

Tojo

[TheDeSade]

I have to agree with Tojo, and I am coming from 30 years in a committed relationship. WIthout communication you cant accomplish anything. And communication implies that two people both talk and LISTEN. Listening is a skill that needs to be practiced because we often dont adequately interpret what we hear.

[Psynymph]

i understand what you are going through.

i married vanilla only to later discover my intense interest in the bdsm lifestyle. so i conveyed my interest to my husband and well....it's just flat out not his thing. we tried. he tried for me. but well you can't force someone to be gay anymore than you can force them to enjoy spanking someone else.

but it's like the above gentlemen said.....absolutely any sucessful relationship is about communication and honesty. honesty is also very important.

you need to lay it all out there. but you also need to understand and accept that.....you can't change a person. not their tastes, their opinions, their ambitious, or their fetishes.

me and my husband are still together, but it's been difficult dealing with our different interests involving this lifestyle. but we are honest with each other and open.

it takes alot of work to make any relationship work. just sit down....talk with him.

if you would like to talk to me, a bit more about maybe, how to introduce him more to the lifestyle, i would more than happy to help. just pm me.

otherwise, the best of luck.

[DrkRvn]

That was a problem i was having. I would ask kishi what his fantasy was and he would say me. Sitting down and really talking about things or finding stories or sights that have ideas and sitting down and reading them together has help a lot. Even in the past few days since we both started posting here there has been a little more communication between the two of us about stuff he wants. One other thing we do sometimes it lay in bed masterbating together and sharing fantasies.

[orchid]

i married vanilla only to later discover my intense interest in the bdsm lifestyle. so i conveyed my interest to my husband and well....it's just flat out not his thing. we tried. he tried for me. but well you can't force someone to be gay anymore than you can force them to enjoy spanking someone else.

i totally relate to this as it is the same for me - with one exception - my Husband is my Master and we have made this work...however, he wavers in the lifestyle where i do not and that makes it difficult because the consistency is not always there.

its hard for me to know what to expect when he is in one of his 'off' moods - sometimes i expect to come home from work and have our Master / slave relationship enforced and he is just not into it. it leaves me frustrated and wanting. But i have to respect His thoughts on it as well. 90% of the time we are living the lifestyle but its that 10% that really messes with my head.