New Discussion: What's an internet sub for?

[MMI]

OK - Here's a question for everyone. I hope it starts an interesting debate.

As I'm new here, I will refrain from voicing an opinion - but I sure would like to know yours.

So - What's an internet sub for?

Now ...fire away!!!

[Guest 91108]

I think there are many "uses" for an internet sub.

* To fill one's Dom need's while he explores possiblities with a sub doing the same thing.

* To share experiences and a bond with someone .

* To Do what some can't do in rl for whatever the reason may be.

* For The Sub To build a trust and share of the D/s relationship that some can't find in real life because some Doms in real life are truly assholes.

* For the Dom who is an ass in real life but has a better online relationship with people and they seem to hang around longer. Note = ( really thinks I need a thread on Good and Bad Doms again from discussions with other members. )

* For the subs ability to learn and share with her RL Dom or SO new interests that will improve the relationship. ( Same goes for the Dom)

* For the sub to explore her boundaries with out causing rl damage to another relationship.

* hrm i could think of some more if i spent the time......... chuckles.

[Rhabbi]

* For the sub to explore her boundaries with out causing rl damage to another relationship.

This is probably the best reason.

I can think of another though, to give the Dom a chance to learn self discipline.

[anonymouse]

Sometimes, it can simply be 'compatibility' of interests. I don't like football (or sport in general) so for me, the chances of finding people I like in football forums are low. It's also possible to be an internet sub without being 'attached' to any one, particular internet dom. The same is true in real life. In other words, simple, plain old-fashioned friendships. Does that help the original poster?

anonymouse

[gloombunny]

For when the person you want lives far away?

[Widget]

the same thing an internet Dom is for, a safe way to start to explore desires for some people? a non threatening way to start to find out about taboo desires?

[Mishka]

having someone a part of your life you need but haven't found until now

[Psynymph]

i think MMI is trying to steal my job..... *pout*

i think Wolf pretty much got it as right as possible......

[Guest 91108]

i think MMI is trying to steal my job..... *pout*

i think Wolf pretty much got it as right as possible......

you agree ... thanks .. that is a first ......................

[Psynymph]

oh shush You!!!! *growls and then runs*

[Rhabbi]

having someone a part of your life you need but haven't found until now

Awwww

[MMI]

If I could pout as prettily as you, Nymph, maybe I could do your job ... but as it is, the only thing I can provoke is discussion <sigh>.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts. Friendship (or more) seems to be the key: see anonymouse's post. But why dom/sub online? I can see what can be gained from a real life dom/sub relationship, but isn't it just pretence online?

[StillBehindBlueEyes]

HI
I've had two Masters online since Feb 06 to me they were very real. They filled a spot my spouse wouldn't or couldn't. I found love, acceptance, friendship and such strong and intense feelings that it kept me from going crazy.

I did every task asked of me and performed them to the best of my abilities just as if my master were watching me. I spent time preparing my reports to tantalize and tease the man I performed for.

I will probably do it again after I've gotten out of my busy time. maybe you just need to find the right person to compliment your style.
Sbbe

[Sir_Russell]

MMI it could be just a pretense and time killing high, but it also lets two people find and explore each other. I met several sub/slaves online in chat rooms and went from there. The moment that it seemed they were just on a lark then I left or if I found that we would not work for one reason or another. My slave morgan I actually met through an adult web site she advertised for a Daddy Dom and described me. We were rl for a year and right now are online due to her having to go home. It will have to do for us till I move to her.

Russell

[ceegee{Benz}]

Benz and I met nearly 3 years ago via a chat system and we got on really well. to the point after getting to know him...i offered him my gift of submission last aug...and recieved my collar for my birthday. we spent a wonderful 4 weeks at xmas together and hopefully by the end of this year i will be joining him for good in Australia

[MMI]

No further questions ...for now - lol

Thanks for everyone's contributions and candour. I shall be thinking it over.

I would add that I "played" at master and slave with a lady in a chat room ... a stray remark about submissives was siezed on and we thought it would be a laugh to pursue it. But apart from a couple of weeks where she called me master, she had no interest in the game at all and didn't participate in any of the tasks I set her (or I didn't believe her). I, on the other hand was fascinated by it. In view of this failed experiment, I wondered if the internet route was doomed to failure every time.

[gloombunny]

I would add that I "played" at master and slave with a lady in a chat room ... a stray remark about submissives was siezed on and we thought it would be a laugh to pursue it. But apart from a couple of weeks where she called me master, she had no interest in the game at all and didn't participate in any of the tasks I set her (or I didn't believe her). I, on the other hand was fascinated by it. In view of this failed experiment, I wondered if the internet route was doomed to failure every time.

I'm not sure why you think it was the online part that caused that "relationship" to fail.

[MMI]

You think her lack of interest might have played a part? Or maybe I was setting the wrong kind of tasks.

Of course I realise those poss... probabilities.

What the relationship lacked most of all was honesty on her part ... "yes, Master, I'll do it" (knowing she wouldn't) and trust on mine ... "Bet you didn't do it really".

I would add that I really wanted to believe her and gave her a lot of benefit of the doubt. In the end, I think she just thought it was too freaky.

Now, it seems to me that in real life, such a situation will occur less often and for different reasons than on line; and as there is no effective control a dom can have without absolute trust, isn't it true that the sub is, in fact in control?

[Warbaby1943]

You think her lack of interest might have played a part? Or maybe I was setting the wrong kind of tasks.

Of course I realise those poss... probabilities.

What the relationship lacked most of all was honesty on her part ... "yes, Master, I'll do it" (knowing she wouldn't) and trust on mine ... "Bet you didn't do it really".

I would add that I really wanted to believe her and gave her a lot of benefit of the doubt. In the end, I think she just thought it was too freaky.

Now, it seems to me that in real life, such a situation will occur less often and for different reasons than on line; and as there is no effective control a dom can have without absolute trust, isn't it true that the sub is, in fact in control?

I think you may have hit the problem on the head when you said there was a lack of honesty on her part. You have to have total honesty and the best communication possible because, as I said or at least tried to say, words are all you have since you can't reach out and hold your loved one.

If I couldn't trust Aussiegirl and she couldn't trust me, we would have nothing. If I ask her to do some task and she accepts it, I know 100% it will be done. There is not the slightest bit of doubt in my mind about her doing as I ask, none what-so-ever. She would never lie to me if she ever failed to accomplish the entire task. I could bet my life on her honesty. Maybe I am lucky she is so honest, hell I know I am lucky since finding her, but I trust her completely.

[Alex Bragi]

...I, on the other hand was fascinated by it. In view of this failed experiment, I wondered if the internet route was doomed to failure every time.

Isn't every relationship different regardless of how it comes to be? I mean, whether it's online or not, there's no tried and true formula for finding true love and a successful, happy relationship, is there? It's all a game of hope and chance.

Warbaby, beautifully say as always.

[Warbaby1943]

To find a trust you never knew existed and a love you only dreamed of.

To have a relationship from half a world away knowing you will never meet yet still knowing it couldn't be stronger if you could actually hold hands.

To gain a bit of insight into your real self that you may have kept hidden for years.

To find a compatibility you never imagined.

So why do it on line and not in real life?

First off even though on line it is still real life.

Maybe because it is the only way possible for some to achieve these feelings and keep their family life from falling apart.

Maybe it is a release of ones true nature that can't be shared with those closest to them for one reason or another.

Maybe because your closest companion, whether it be a spouse or significant other has no interest in BDSM activities and you justify in your mind that on line really isn't cheating (though many disagree.)

Maybe it gives your life a new and very happy reason for waking up in the morning.

Maybe, just maybe because you really love doing it on line because you truly the person you are doing it with.

Maybe you can see I really don't know what the reasons are but know I never want it to end. Is that reason enough?

[slaveangel{HM}]

To find a trust you never knew existed and a love you only dreamed of.

To have a relationship from half a world away knowing you will never meet yet still knowing it couldn't be stronger if you could actually hold hands.

To gain a bit of insight into your real self that you may have kept hidden for years.

To find a compatibility you never imagined.

So why do it on line and not in real life?

First off even though on line it is still real life.

Maybe because it is the only way possible for some to achieve these feelings and keep their family life from falling apart.

Maybe it is a release of ones true nature that can't be shared with those closest to them for one reason or another.

Maybe because your closest companion, whether it be a spouse or significant other has no interest in BDSM activities and you justify in your mind that on line really isn't cheating (though many disagree.)

Maybe it gives your life a new and very happy reason for waking up in the morning.

Maybe, just maybe because you really love doing it on line because you truly the person you are doing it with.

Maybe you can see I really don't know what the reasons are but know I never want it to end. Is that reason enough?

Perfectly said. I cannot agree with you more. The intensity and feelings can still be felt in an online relationship. With Master and I there are contributing factors why we haven't made the next step and being together r/l perminantely.

For U/us for now it is online until we are able to arrange things and meet, it is something that we are hoping for, in the not to distant future. But if it never happens...things are unchanged, the bond is still there, the love is still there, and that way that you can sense Him...and know what He is thinking and feeling without unspoken words..it's truly remarkable. But with that comes time...we've been together for almost 2 years online and also on the phone...you discover things constantly and above all know where your heart and trust is.

[Warbaby1943]

Perfectly said. I cannot agree with you more. The intensity and feelings can still be felt in an online relationship. With Master and I there are contributing factors why we haven't made the next step and being together r/l perminantely.

For U/us for now it is online until we are able to arrange things and meet, it is something that we are hoping for, in the not to distant future. But if it never happens...things are unchanged, the bond is still there, the love is still there, and that way that you can sense Him...and know what He is thinking and feeling without unspoken words..it's truly remarkable. But with that comes time...we've been together for almost 2 years online and also on the phone...you discover things constantly and above all know where your heart and trust is.

I agree totally. Aussiegirl and I are going on nearly a year together in one capacity or another. We seem to, as you say, know what each other is thinking before any spoken word passes our lips. We talk live 5 or 6 days a week and now she even has a web cam so I can see her as we talk or play. It is real life, I just can't touch her. Though I'd love to be able to, it will never happen and we both know that. We knew it going into this. So to keep our relationship alive and thriving we choose to live as we do which is another reason for our on line commitment to each other.

I believe in an on line relationship you must have more trust in one another because you truly only have words to keep you together along with your deep love and devotion to each other.

One more reason why we do it is because we can and love it that we do.

[Aussiegirl1]

I agree totally. Aussiegirl and I are going on nearly a year together in one capacity or another. We seem to, as you say, know what each other is thinking before any spoken word passes our lips. We talk live 5 or 6 days a week and now she even has a web cam so I can see her as we talk or play. It is real life, I just can't touch her. Though I'd love to be able to, it will never happen and we both know that. We knew it going into this. So to keep our relationship alive and thriving we choose to live as we do which is another reason for our on line commitment to each other.

I believe in an on line relationship you must have more trust in one another because you truly only have words to keep you together along with your deep love and devotion to each other.

One more reason why we do it is because we can and love it that we do.

I don't have time for a long reply, but just want to say that online with Warbaby I have found something I have never found before in any other relationship. To me, it is very real. The only downside is that I have to keep it private from my family and most of my friends due to the nature of the relationship, and of course that it will always only ever be online.

That being said, I would never want to go back to not having this relationship in my life. Each day I learn and grow more and more. I am a better person because of it.

[tessa]

First off even though on line it is still real life.

Perfect, perfecter and more perfectly stated, Warbaby.

I live with my husband, so aside from the advice and counsel (and a smidge of fun, flirty chat) that I get online, I am living my D/s experience up close and personal, which is more complicated than I could have imagined. My husband would say it's even more so than that.

I realize my next comment isn't exactly the answer sought, but I'm gonna go ahead and say that meeting my new friends here online has been a very real experience for me. That these new relationships aren't face-to-face ('cept for Red 'cause we live kinda close (love that girl!), doesn't take away that I have been influenced and touched in no other way than real and personal and meaningful. But I can also understand why it's difficult to understand just how that can be.

MMI, you are impressed by all these thoughtful replies? Stick around for a few and you'll see that this is just the way it is here. It's so great!

[MMI]

I've EVERY intention of sticking around, tessa, and to meeting you all eventually.

[caligirl{Rob}]

smiles....it is like any relationship r/l or online some work some don't...and with commitment and interest and trust/respect on both sides o/l can be a wonderful way to explore for both sides, it can be a good way to test limits and if you are as lucky, patient, blessed as i it can transfer on to r/l, just this subs quiet 2 cents! smiles

with extra smiles after reading Warbaby's touching post above!!!

[Radiance]

Everything you say is so true hun,your words were perfect.Perfectly said.

Radiance

[TheDeSade]

I think, for many who are online, it is as sbbe says, to fill portions or needs in their lives that aren't being taken care of.

[Sir_Russell]

MMI no the sub/slave is not in control. Before the relationship is begun you first negotiate hard limits and conditions. I have a set of questions I have worked on and am still working on to be sure they cover needed subject and issues.

If her set of hard limits are acceptable to me I accept her service if not I refuse. After that her body is my to do with as I wish provided I do not violate any hard limits. I will push them, test her from time to time.

Last thought on this for now is that if a Dom/Master is too selfish he will probably lose his sub/slave.

Russell