i think i want a master to love but i don't know were to find one

[jessie.val]

i was role playing a slave role and now i cant stop thinking about it i think i want more of this but with some one real in my life.....how can i get this

[jessie.val]

i really want the love and trust i see in that relationship

[copybook]

Be very very careful. You can't manufacture love and trust in an instant. That carefully grows from a person you trust.

[jessie.val]

Be very very careful. You can't manufacture love and trust in an instant. That carefully grows from a person you trust.

yeaaaaah i kniow......so if i find a guy i like and were together how do i get him to be a master?

[Solis]

Hello, jessie.

You've asked a good question. I've mentioned the same simple principle elsewhere: people do more of those things for which they receive rewards and avoid doing those things for which they receive punishments. How do you get Him to acting Masterfully? Uhhh ... reward those behaviors.

That leads to two questions: (1) what behaviors? and (2) what rewards? Mostly you determine the first since it's the answer to "what do you want to see?" and He determines the second, in answer to "what does He want to feel?"

These relationships aren't simple and all the same. They manifest differently based on the needs and situations of the couple. Does having a Master mean that someone orders for you at restaurants without consulting you? Does it means someone who expects you to kneel rather than use the furniture? Someone who sets Rules and enforces them? Or someone who binds and spanks you during sex? None of those behaviors defines your relationship (the love and trust part is at its core) but any of them might be something that makes you feel particularly owned and cared for. Others might leave you cold and queasy, and that's okay. Regardless, you need to start with an understanding of what you'd like to experience.

From there, you communicate those goals. Rent The Secretary, Nine-and-a-Half Weeks or A Dangerous Method and watch it alone. Then watch it with him knowing that there are things you saw that you might want to experience. Keep the room lights low, keep your eyes away from him and talk as a scene unfolds - about what you think she feels, about what you feel and perhaps what you'd like to feel. (It's only awkward at first and the rewards of good communication are rich, so be brave). If he's a bright and brave boy, he'll start figuring things out. And if, perchance, there just happens to be a couple silk scarves, a bit of ice or a leather belt lying somewhere about, all the better.

From there, it's just a matter of rewarding him - very consistently - for the desire behaviors.

All of which assumes he's of a mind to play along. Some are, some aren't. You might be able to tell by his reaction to the movies and certainly, if need doesn't cloud your mind too much, by his reaction to the conversation during the movie.

For what that's worth,

S.

[jessie.val]

thank you very much for this!

[Solis]

No problem, sweetie. Patience and persistence, plus a lot of faith in yourself, will lead you to a far better place than either impulsiveness or despair.

Too, there are lots of your sisters here who have already solved this conundrum (<-my vocabulary builder for today). Seek them out. Let them learn your style. Write a bit whether in Fun and Games or more formally. And things will develop.

S.