Move out of Vanilla

[Kelli]

I have a wonderful bf, and he tries to be my dom, but he is more of a teddy bear... He sometimes gets in these moods and he is fantastic! Any idea of what I can do to bring that out more? It only seems to be when he is frustrated about something. Any other sub have trouble with this?

[BruceBoxer]

I'm assuming you've let him know how you feel. If you haven't--gotta do that first. If you have talked with him and he remains hesitant, I'm guessing you haven't been in a relationship with him that long. It's tough to gage when you might be hurting somebody until you learn their tolerance thresholds. Suggest communicating with him in and out of your sub role--leting him know what feels good and what doesn't.

Originally posted by Kelli
I have a wonderful bf, and he tries to be my dom, but he is more of a teddy bear... He sometimes gets in these moods and he is fantastic! Any idea of what I can do to bring that out more? It only seems to be when he is frustrated about something. Any other sub have trouble with this?

[Kelli]

He knows what I like and what I can take, as we have been together over 2 years. He just doesn't like to hurt me, even if it turns me on incredibaly. He is a sweet, kind, caring man, and most of the time, not the dom type. Like I said, he has moods, and does it sometimes, I just need some ideas how to draw this outta him more...

[Jones, Nikka]

Originally posted by Kelli
He knows what I like and what I can take, as we have been together over 2 years. He just doesn't like to hurt me, even if it turns me on incredibaly.

I would suggest that he needs to know more than just what you like and what you can take. I am willing to bet that he would be thrilled and excited to know HOW it makes you feel. Tell him about it in your own words. Be descriptive. Show him. If all else fails, find a story in the bdsm library that accurately describes how you feel when being dominated and read it to him.

Let us know how it goes...

[LadyAmanda]

And start slow, don't expect him to do a whole evening of things at once. Try just one or two things at a time, and build on that basis. Once he sees how good - for him, too - it is, he may be encouraged to go further next time.

For example, if you like to be spanked, let him see how turned on you get by that, and make sure you reward him when he does it well.

Or maybe - if you like it - have him tie you up before you go down on him. If he gets a reward too, it may make him more eager to take part.

It took me a while to realize that Sylvie really likes pain; it's an odd notion to someone who hasn't experienced it for themselves. But by making it very obvious that the pain was wonderful, she let me know I could go further, much further!