Personals - Do subs contact Doms?

[Garmonbozia]

I was just wondering if anyone had any insight as to whether at online personals submissives ever contact Dominants. So I'm looking for anyone's perspective.

Are you an Dom who has been contacted, or never contacted?

Are you a submissive who has actually contacted a Dominant?

Or a submissive who never has and never will?

I find it quite an interesting phenomenon that of the 3 Dom's I know who have used online personals, no one has ever been contacted by a sub.

Jason

[woodsman'sgame]

I can't, of course, but if I were single, I would. The Dom would have to be very clear and precise about what he was looking for though, and I would want a lot of information. I have read only two personals here on the forum that intrigued me. I would have contacted either of those doms, if I had been single. ( I read the personals out of curiosity only.)

I have been in chat channels and been contacted by "Doms" looking for a sub, but most weren't real. They would try to get me to play on line even when I told them I was taken already. That's why I stopped visiting chat rooms. Thank goodness for this forum and library chat where that doesn't happen. I can talk comfortably in both places and the Doms/Dommes respect each other's property. A little harmless flirtation here and there is all I have ever seen.

[masterkurt]

I'll be glad to share my own experience.... I got some contact thru this forums, but being it all overseas persons I can't say how serious they may have been ... so far just some msg exchange under the premises of the impossibility of any meeting.

In my own country, the landscape is even worse: the only contatc that seems to work are those between masters, who want to share their slave with equally minded "educators". When I had my own slave I got many interesting contacts with other masters and with couples master-slave. Now that I am slave-less, still these contacts remain and I happen to be invited to sessions by other masters. Someone even introduced me to some interested slave.

The contacts to slave-girls, on the contrary, are miserable. On chats there are very few women and potential slaves, those few are like queens and enjoy their hunting grounds in a manner that is anything but submissive. They are courted, adulated, invited, persecuted by an enormous number of masters or want-to-be-masters and they seem to really enjoy it. When a contact occurs, mostly it is a man pretending to be a woman. The situation is not very different on mailing lists and forums.... few slave girls, mostly all already taken, who enjoy a large number of men who just hope to be able to fascinate one of them and to get thus a slave.

I find it very interesting to see, how these alleged slave girls enjoy actually dominating a group of alleged masters, just flirting and exerting the power of their submissive pussies as an irresistible bate.

I know for sure that, at least some of them, are real slaves in their present consistent relation with their masters, but in the list, or in the chat, I find an inversion of the power exchange and the behaviour of most of these aspirant masters becomes sometimes really ridiculous and self-humiliating in their desperate wish to be appreciated by the few alleged submissive women.

Perhaps there is some more chance in getting a response from a submissive woman by means of a strict personal ad on the net, or better, on magazines and newspapers (not erotic magazines, though) ... it worked a couple of times for me.

Among my friends I know some who say they have found their slaves on a chat or a mailing list .... others admit they never had any success by these means. Perhaps it depends from the amount of time you are ready to invest.

Of course luck plays an important role ... like in all human matters.

I take this opportunity to advise any italian submissive woman who may be reading this forum and might be looking for a capable master, to please contact me .... BDSM ways are infinite and misterious

Kurt

[Dslave]

I never have contacted a Dom(me) via the personals but I would. I think, if they didn't want you to they wouldn't post the personal.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

It's a lot harder for males to be contacted through personal, period. Dominant, submissive, or vanilla, it doesn't matter. If you're male, you're chances are fairly slim that you will be contacted by anyone other than other males.

Not to put you off the whole personals isea, but that's just how it works. Statistically speaking, I think there's about 60 male personals in most personald databases, to every one female personal.

Looking into online personals is becoming a more and more accepted practice these days, though. So, things might change in the future, but for now, you'd have a much better chance of visiting a real-life BDSM organization and trying to meet some people there instead.

[Garmonbozia]

I have been on a few personals sights specifically devoted to bdsm (bondage.com, collarme) and have met some nice subs, though the ones I have met have once again been more of the 'weekend' or 'scene' varieties, though I am in contact now with a deeply submissive girl I met through the personals.

I was wondering what the dynamic was because I have done all the contacting and actually contacted another Dom from my area, through the personals, who I thought had a really precise well thought out profile and he also said he had only ever been contacted once by a sub, and she was a nut, and he had been a member there for almost 2 years, constantly logging in and chatting/browsing.

And it got me to wondering, is the gender bias of the male supposedly having to initiate all contact even more reinforced in the bdsm society and subs feel they shouldn't contact a Dom as this would be seen as being too forward, or do many of them, as masterkurt intimated, enjoy the small feeling of power they may get from having the Dom contact (chase) them.

Just really curious is all.

Jason

[JakBird]

In practical terms doms go after subs, but that's only a generalization. I've received what might be termed "an expression of interest" from subs in the past, yeah sometimes from a dubious source, but in other cases they were genuine and heartfelt. For one reason or another I wasn't able to follow up, but in at least one case I gave it serious consideration.

And then there was the case of the sub who chased me down a week after a casual conversation on IRC. She made it plain she was interested. In that particular case I was tempted too...and wound up marrying her 8 months later.

[ValKyrie]

It seems to be a gender thing.

I get contacted by male subs even when I am not looking.

However, when I was seeking a fem sub, I always made first contact and most either didn't respond or would share a few e mails, express interest and then, would disappear.

In some ways, women out number men in on line personals that I do believe some women collect on line contacts almost as though they are notches in a bed post.

No, not all women and certainly not women of substance, but yes, it would appear that many aren't truly secure and/or sincere in their interest.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

In some ways, women out number men in on line personals

Just remember, about 60% of them are actually men posing as women.

[Garmonbozia]

That's so great to hear Jakbird. I love to hear the success stories.

And I don't really want this thread to get sidetracked but why the hell would guys pose as submissives. I know this happens, from quite a few sources, but I can't understand that particular thrill. I think maybe there are less of those types on personals sites, where you have to create a profile. It seems too much effort for some. I would hope anyway.

Anyone have insights into that? Tourguide?

Jason

[leo9]

Are you an Dom who has been contacted, or never contacted?

My ex-slave liked the look of my advert, but felt it wasn't a sub's place to contact a Dom.

So she set up a sockpuppet account and wrote to me from it, saying "Saw your advert, why don't you contact Taffi, she sounds like what you're looking for!"

Once we were an item, she owned up to the trick and got suitably punished ;-)

[asianmelody]

I've initiated a couple of winks and short emails to Doms but only because they had exceptionally outstanding and intriguing profiles


However as a woman, it is not my nature to make the first approach to a male, and as a submissive, even more so, i find that i'd prefer to be contacted by a Dom.

[Learn Humility]

My current submissive initiated the contact with me in a very subtle (yet, somehow, forward as well) way through an on-line service.

I have no problem with being contacted by the submissive, and, in fact, prefer it that way, as I find that the Dominant contacting the submissive places the sub in a position of control. Not a good way to start off a D/s relationship, I believe.

[myri_SN]

My ex-slave liked the look of my advert, but felt it wasn't a sub's place to contact a Dom.

So she set up a sockpuppet account and wrote to me from it, saying "Saw your advert, why don't you contact Taffi, she sounds like what you're looking for!"

Once we were an item, she owned up to the trick and got suitably punished ;-)

did you need an excuse to punish her?

[myri_SN]

i contacted SirNeedles, a year ago, well in one week it is a year now . i didn't mean to meet him nor play, i found his profile funny and just let him know that. he replied right away, we got to talk for a couple of days on pm then met and played all night, met every few days after for a while and am now living with him. he said he had seen my profile on several occasions before but never quite contacted me as he thought the profile was perfect but the pic i had there looked to serious
convinced him that i am no serious at all now.

(wonder if he regrets it yet)

the 22nd it will be a year that we first met and played sot he 20st woudl be day of first pm then

[onlyforhim4ever]

Back in the day when I was on the website ALT and looking for a Dom, I got around 10-15 emails DAILY from Doms. For a while when I toyed with the idea of being Domme (I can hear Sir laughing now) and put a profile up, I got 5-10 emails DAILY.

So while I went in the chats and contacted people that way, I was already so overwhelmed with just keeping up with all the emails that I didn't need to go search anyone out. If it hadn't been like that I surely would have though.

[myri_SN]

well speakign form the quality of the e-amils i got i rather went and send my own, as i didn't see much sense in replying mails like: hey meet me tomorrrow i am horny and want to hurt you, or , send me your nude pictures..... or anything along those lines.

[AndrewBlack]

I think Learn Humility has a great attitude here, surely the best way to conduct a D/s relationship, all the power at the top. If only the numbers supported it, we need a few thousand extra female submissives, maybe if it became fashionable? I'll start writing to women's magazines immediately.

onlyfirhim4ever - LOVE your avatar and your signiture made me chuckle too, ah! sweet romance

[TaintedJohn]

"If only the numbers supported it, we need a few thousand extra female submissives, maybe if it became fashionable? I'll start writing to women's magazines immediately."

ROFLMAO

You do realize that those that run woman's magazines are more likely to run pro-life peices than ones that put in a good light the role of women in a D/s relationship?

But, I'm sure they will be happy to hear your views and know where you currently live.

TJ

[onlyforhim4ever]

TJ- LOL!

AndrewBlack- thanks, thats me in the avatar after a nice spanking!

I agree subs should take a more active approach, but then again I think that goes for everything, not just first exchanges. I try to actively submit to my Dominant, showing him my submission and inspiring/initiating certain shows of his Dominance. I know it is hard to be a Dom constantly being relied upon to 'make things happen' so I try to help with that on occassion. I think more subs should take more of an active approach in submission instead of waiting for the next command. (I don't mean topping from the bottom btw) In fact, I'm inspired to start a thread...

[myMastersProperty]

In response to whether subs contact Doms, i found a way to contact my Master by sending him a wink. This was a subtle form of submission, no words, just letting him know i was there and very interested. Thankfully, he got the message.

[leo9]

did you need an excuse to punish her?

This is really another topic for another thread, but IMDO, in D/s it's important to keep "punishment" separate from play.

If I feel like hurting a slave for fun, the only excuse I need is that I feel like it; it would lower me to have to make up a reason. But if I punish a slave, it's because sie has genuinely done something wrong and it matters. The whole dynamic is different and more serious.

[NightDaughter]

Are you a submissive who has actually contacted a Dominant?
I found my Master though his forum posting to another site that I found to very interesting. His post to me was very well thought out, and I just had me wanting to talk with him further, thus I emailed him and asked if he would be interested in being chat buddies.

Chat buddies might have been the intent, but about 72 hours later we where meeting for lunch and within that month we where a couple and he had collared me.

So to me it is totally alright for a sub to contact a dominant.

[myri_SN]

well as i said i met master a day after first contacting him, and today that was exactly a year ago